She Used To Be Mine

1

Santana lays back onto the bed, sweaty. Exhausted. Quinn laid next to her- equally as tired. Her inhibitions were not as faded as before, but she didn't regret anything.

The only light in the room is from the tv, quietly playing in the background. Santana starts to cry. She tries to keep it in, hoping that the background noises would stifle the sounds of her sniffling. But it wasn't working. Santana was quietly beating herself up, this wasn't her. Santana Lopez wasn't this, heartbroken mess. She thinks back to earlier that night, her and Quinn at the bar. Watching Brittany and Sam dance together. Almost instantly- she began to sob.

Quinn pulls her in, holding her tight as she watched the strongest woman she knew- fall apart. This was the most vulnerable she had ever seen her best friend. Santana didn't have to say anything, Quinn knew exactly what was happening.

"I know, San." She said as she rubbed her back, with Santana's sobs getting harder. "It's going to be okay."

Breathing was getting progressively harder. No matter how many times she took a breath, there didn't seem to be enough air. Santana was finally letting go off all the emotions she had been holding in for months. The countless times she laid in her bed in New York, staring at the ceiling. The sleepless nights spent crying wondering how she let Brittany get away. She pretended to be okay, she pretended that she was okay with watching the love of her life love someone else. But the truth was she wasn't, because what normal person can go on that way? She built up her walls, protecting herself from this. She thought she was ready, but it was obvious now that she wasn't.

Quinn didn't say a word after that. She just held onto her best friend, providing as much comfort as she could in a situation where she couldn't do anything other than hold her close, providing as much comfort as she could. Eventually, Santana calmed down. Her breathing began to even out, and Quinn knew she had fallen asleep. Gently, she placed Santana on the pillow next to her.

Hooking up with her Santana wasn't planned. But it wasn't something that she had any regrets about.

Slowly, she got out of bed and slipped her shirt on. She didn't know if this was the last of the alcohol she had left in her but it was possibly her admitting to the feelings she's had for a while. Before she knew it, she was walking down the hall knocking on Rachel's door. This was her turn to be vulnerable, to leave it all out on the table.

But when the door opened, there stood Finn.

"Quinn? Is everything-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Quinn turned away- wiping her eyes.

Fucking idiot, she whispered to herself. For years, she hid how she felt about Rachel Berry. Throughout senior year, she watched as Rachel chose Finn time and time again. She didn't know why she thought tonight was going to be any different. Like Santana, she watched as Rachel sang with Finn. And as always, she was on the side watching. What she would give to be able to sing with her. To be with her. To be the one Rachel chose.

She walked back into the room, and laid back on the bed next to Santana.

Her feelings for Rachel was something that was becoming harder and harder to control. And Quinn Fabray, needed that control in her life. She looked over at Santana, who was still asleep. Her silhouette outline by the glow of the tv. She lightly shook her best friend to wake her up.

Santana slowly opened her eyes, and sat up. "Everything okay, Q?"

Quinn doesn't say anything, but moves closer to Santana. Their faces were close, but not touching. Quinn looks up to meet Santana's eyes, and she kisses her.

Startled, Santana pulls away.

Their eyes meet again, and that's when she saw it. Quinn was hurt. And that's when it clicked.

Feelings were involved, but not for one another. They didn't love each other, but having each other in this moment was all they had.