[𝐒𝟏] 𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐬; 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐇𝐢𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Chapter 66: My Lowest

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓
❝ 𝚆𝚑𝚘'𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗' 𝚔𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜 ❞
┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛

[ 12th of February 2020, 23:00]

I stare at my iPad. Tears were formed in my eyes. This is so hard. I can't keep doing this all the time. I can't just keep this to myself.

But to whom should I talk about this? People would judge no matter what. That's human nature. People judge. Human judge. 

Jin and I are over. We are no more together. It was my choice. It was my decision to end it. He didn't want it but he eventually agrees with my decision. 

It was me who said about separating first. I gave him back the ring. I couldn't bear all the hate comments that ARMYs were giving to me. 

They realize that I was wearing the same ring as Jin and assumed that we were together and started bombing me with malicious comments. 

Some fans and sasaengs even send death threats to me. ROSEs begged and shout out to Bang-PD to stop ARMYs but he didn't bother. 

He told me that it was Jin and my fault and not him. He had already advised us to not make it obvious. Even before I debuted, he had already told me to focus on my career. 

Not to date. It was my fault. So, I was the one who told Jin that I want both of us to separate because I can't bear all those hate comments that were sent to me. 

People were bombing me with bad and hurtful words that really makes me sad. I don't know about Jin but it seems like he didn't care what his fans did to me. 

BTS and I had a meeting together because of that thing. Because ARMYs and ROSEs were involved in the case. 

Because of Seokjin and my relationship, Jhope, and Yoongi getting further from me. I know they like me. 

I know because Jimin and Jungkook told me so. Because of Jin and my relationship, Jhope, Yoongi, and Seokjin had an argument. 

I decided to end our relationship. If it is really fate, then we will get back together if time and situation allow. If not, we wouldn't be. 

It's hard. It is really hard. I spent most of my time these days, alone. Reflecting, doing my job alone. I also practice alone. 

I do everything alone. Ahreum is busy with her wedding preparation. Hwasa is busy with her upcoming solo album. 

IU is busy with her acting career. Everyone is doing great and having the best time of their life. While I'm here, stuck and being at my lowest. 

I'm really stuck. I couldn't think of anything. I'm really down and I don't have anyone to speak to. I don't want to bother the others who are working. 

I'm currently in a really intense and not friendly relationship with BTS. With the whole group especially when this is about the hyung line, Seokjin, Yoongi, and Jhope. 

I cupped my face and sobbed. I don't know what to do. I'm really stuck. I wished all of these wouldn't happen and I will be fine. 

I feel so low that I can't even speak to other people. I just want to be alone. All alone where I am only with myself and Zoe. 

She's my only friend now that is always beside me. Even that, she wouldn't understand what I'm feeling. How I wish I never exist. 

While I was having time alone, I heard my music studio's door was knocked and then the bell rang. I quickly wiped away my tears and walked to the door.