.:𝐦𝐜𝐲𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬:.

𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 - 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙮 𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙤'𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙞'𝙢 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚. 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙞'𝙢 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙞 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧. 𝙞 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧<3

𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙣𝙤 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙞 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

my throat hurts, raw and dry from the sobs i heave up over and over again until the aching in my chest stops, replaced by an overwhelming feeling of numbness. i don't know which is worse- feeling too much or not feeling at all (maybe both, maybe i'm just destined to get my heart broken). 

the bedroom (i can't even call it mine because it isn't, not really) is dim, the only light filtering in through the heavy curtains; golden and flickering and another harsh reminder that i'm not where i'm supposed to be. the lights at home are bright and colorful and unwavering. the lights that i spent hours sitting by my window entranced by are every color of the rainbow, and on clear nights i wouldn't even need to turn on my lamp: i could read by the light of the city i loved (but i'm not there anymore and my lamp is on and its not as bright it'll never be the same). 

and i shouldn't be crying over a city but it's home (not anymore, i'm here now), and i just can't help it (maybe i could if i was stronger, but i'm not). my tears drop, hot and falling like rain from bloodshot eyes onto my puffy cheeks and they keep falling, even though i've stopped sobbing for a while (or maybe i am and just stopped processing it).

the bathroom tiles aren't cold anymore; they feel like fresh charcoal under me but i can't find it in myself to move. and i'm alone in this new place and i'm scared and the thought used to excite me but now i can't help but fear that there's a big world beyond what i see within the walls of the house (not mine, never mine. maybe prison would be a better word for it). 

the phone by my side, the one familiar thing in this new world, flashes and cuts through the darkness. it pushes the overwhelming silence with a ding and i scramble for it, needing some distraction, anything (because i already can't control my emotions so i need something to take them out on).

and it's from you, and suddenly the darkness isn't pushing down on me, isn't too much to handle; isn't the only thing that keeps me company because now you're here, and maybe you're thousands of miles away but you're here anyways and it makes me so unbelievably happy.

cooper
hey!! how was your day?

good<3 how are you doing?

and had it been anyone else that asked it would've been a lie, but it wasn't; it was you that texted and it's you who's name is at the top of the screen and it isn't a lie because suddenly, somehow, i forget what it's like to be overwhelmed and scared. i feel like i'm at home again. i feel ok.

and so i open up and tell you that i'm actually not doing well (but i leave out a little bit to make it seem a little less than what it really is because i don't want you to worry, i never want you to worry) and you're so understanding and sweet about it and gradually the flow of tears slows, and then stops completely, and i don't know how you have that effect on me but you do and i can't complain.

and we talk about little things. what happened today? did anything interesting happen? no way! ugh i wish i could play with you and your friends but time zones suck!! that's ok, i enjoy listening to you sound so excited and i don't mind hearing about it. we have to start a minecraft server and play together sometime!

and now my day is going well. better than well, i'd say. better than ever! because you're on the other end of the phone and i know i can always count on you and yeah, maybe you're not here next to me and maybe we can't meet up in person but that's ok! because we're young and we're going through life with all the time in the world.

and for now i'm ok with being happy sitting here texting you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───