✨JJBA ONESHOTS✨

Doppio x reader x Diavolo [shitpost]

"Welcome to the bread bank, we sell bread, we sell loaves." The man at the counter said as you looked around at all the bread, his name tag said 'Doppio'  "we got bread on deck, bread on the floor, T͡͏̱̩̝͍̮͕͔̜̫̹̗̱͞O̵͇͚̞͍͜͝Ą̧̝͖̮͖̮̻̘S̶̡̲͎̜͢͜͝T̴҉̘̥̞͇̣̬͎͔̯͕̺̻̤E̴҉̳͇̘̟̣̹͈̣̳̗̼͙̦̰̦̲͖͝͡D͏҉̧̳̣̳̹̝̹̫͕̬̘̭̯̼̕.  roasted-" "shut the fuck up, listen I just need a baguette and a brioche." You told him as you watched him with a haunting gaze, "we don't have either of those, you can get the gluten-free white bread, the potato bread-" "what the fuck is gluten? Take that shit out." 

You told him as you watched him lean over the counter, "It's gluten-free." "I don't care if it's free." You said to him as he inhaled air with his nostrils, "swear on your fucking Y̷͕̙̺͇̗͉̣̭͈̩̗̩͓͓͘͜ͅE̖͕̣̳̲̙͙̼͇̦͇̼͍͎̝̕͜E̷̡̢̥̼̬͇̗̖̳̞̥̠̥̯͕͖͙͟͠Z̶̩̩͎̰̹̦̰̘̭Y̷̡͖̹͔̻̙̼͉̦̜̘̠̦͇̞̟͘͟͞S͔̭̠̮͎̭̜̺̟̺͔̮͉̝̤͜ if you wanna fight we gon' fight," he told you "you tryna be on WORLDSTAR?" You asked him, "what you gonna record it?" He asked, "yeah, I got my dollar store camera ON."

 "What's the fucking situation?" A man with a name tag 'Diavolo' made his way next to Doppio, "What the fuck, do you want?" You asked him as you stared at him, "I'm the motherfucking M̸̷̡a̵̷͠ń̨̕͟á̧́̕g̨҉̷̢̀é͟r͏̸." He said in a booming voice that could shatter millions of eardrums, "at the bread store?" You asked him, "B́͞͠R̨͘E͘͜͡͡͠Á̧̢̛̕D̷̀͝͠͡" He spoke again, you pointed at Doppio, "tell him to take the motherfucking gluten, out the bread." 

"I'm gonna need you to shut that bullshit up chief, we can't take shit out the bread." He told you, "why put it in, in the first place?" You questioned his actions, "I know y'all smoking that pack." 

"We got crackers, no gluten." Diavolo said, "fuck crackers." You replied, "it's gluten-free, you want the gluten or nah?" Doppio asked, "hell no, you better take the gluten out that damn shit-" "Look, we got whole wheat, gluten-free, Texas toast, gluten-free, T̡̼̳̜͚̮͕or͔̪͝t͙̲͠i̡̱ḽ̻l̦̰̞̮̼̀a̟͢ͅ." Diavolo told you, "fuck all that, what bitch ass country are y'all from where they got this bullshit at?" "Italy." Diavolo answered, "I knew it."

"Look, you can either take this yeast, or I'm calling the police." Doppio threatened you, "I'm going WEAST." You replied, "Nah don't call the police, I got a warrant."Diavolo told Doppio.

"Honestly, fuck y'all I ain't never seen nobody act like this over no bread." You told them, "what the fuck. Are you saying?" Diavolo questioned as he stared at you with his anime eyes. 

"All I'm saying is, fuck y'alls bread, fuck the gluten, and fuck them crackers."

You answered his question, "but the crackers don't have gluten." Doppio said as he held them to you," I'll take those then," you said as you took them from his hands, "okay that's gonna be-" "Nah fuck that I ain't paying." You said while you got out of the bread store slamming the door behind you, leaving the two watch you with their anime eyes.