44.
christmas
CHRISTMAS.
Just like Thanksgiving, Christmas came along pretty fast and I had mixed feelings about it. It wasn't about the chicken and desserts which I did love eating, nor was it only about getting the family together to thank the Lord for what we had and did not have, it was a time to give and show love. A time to show how much our loved ones meant to us.
On Christmas eve yesterday, Mum had brought up the idea to go visit Father and I complied. The last time we went to the graveyard together was on his death anniversary last year so I was pretty nervous.
When we arrived, we both placed the white roses we brought on Father's gravestone but I held onto one because I wanted to place it on a particular headstone.
"He would've been so proud of you," Mother said, glancing at the rose in my hand, but breaking the silence that had fallen upon us since we arrived.
Nodding, I gave her a small smile in response. When she saw I wasn't going to continue the conversation, she knelt and placed a hand on Father's gravestone.
"It's almost Christmas Darl," she whispered and from where I stood, I knew she was going to burst into tears soon. "I miss you so much and I don't think it's going to get easier. They say time heals all wounds but it still feels... like I'm being stabbed daily. Your side of the bed—"
I turned away, not wanting to hear anymore. It wasn't getting easier and we both knew it. When I turned back around, I watched Mother kiss her hand and place it on the gravestone. It was obvious she still loved him and I felt bad the misfortune had to befall her when their marriage wasn't even falling apart.
Breathing deeply, I moved away from Dad's gravestone, past the tall leafless oak tree, and towards the gravestone I wanted to place the white rose on.
Citlali Jensen
1981-2013
Beloved mother and wife
The sudden ping of my phone brought me back to reality and I stretched my arms wide open, grateful to be alive. I rubbed my eyes, blinking a few times to regain my vision before picking my phone up from the nightstand and unlocking it. I grinned widely when I saw the texts from my friends.
'omg! omg!!! i can't b liv it's alread Xmas daesyn!!! merry Xmas.' My eyes twitched at Melanie's text, but I ignored my inner grammar Nazi and responded similarly with multiple winky faces.
'Merry Christmas, Daesyn boo.' I returned Clara's greeting with a smile on my face before opening the next text.
Stupid Wyatt sent one similar to Clara's but with multiple smirking emojis while I did the same, except I added multiple fuck you emojis at the end. Yes, I was still mad at him even if theoretically speaking, he just wanted Caelum and me to sort things out.
I opened Emery's text last, my heart clenching when I realized I didn't receive any from Caelum but smiled regardless. It was Christmas after all.
'Damn daesyn. dis is our first Christmas as friends and I'm glad we sorted tings out. merry Christmas from the Jensen's!!! dad and mum send deir greetings.'
'Merry Christmas to you too Em. I'm glad we sorted things out too, but how's he?'
She responded seconds later and I bit my cheeks.
'he's ok, bt I knw he'll come arnd. Merry Christmas from him too tho.'
All the progress I thought we'd made for the past few months were going to waste just because he didn't want to explain things. It was cool though. He was free to act like I didn't mean anything to him, I wasn't going to force him to speak to me.
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What Lies Beyond You | ✓
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