Junkyard

25/9/2020

So many ideas swimming in my head but not a single word comes out. Even when I say that I am trying not to think about perfection or other people, I'm still some sort of "proper" writer. I can't think of a way to start my stories properly. I don't have a proper character. I want a proper one-shot instead of an excerpt from one of my unfinished works. (sigh)

Words come more easily to me in poetry. But you must have noticed one thing from my earlier entries: I suck at poetry. I don't understand poetry beyond the atmosphere and meaning it provokes. I don't understand the rhyming rules and forms; I just write whatever I want which ends up most of the time to be free verse, on my own prompted sense of T&Cs.

The reason I started Junkyard was because I have too many ideas and no commitment. One week I would be so excited to write an epic between a dragon and phoenix, but the next I would be so listless I just want to read fanfic. Then reading halfway an incredible fanfic – for example I'm sort of into Star Wars now – I would suddenly want to write an epic AU for that fandom (Star Wars Feudal Japan Samurai AU, anyone?). Junkyard was supposed to be a way for me to funnel off excess ideas that is blocking my ability to focus on my real-life problems, such as schoolwork. And a way to see what stories I can jot off quickly without too many words.

Maybe you've noticed this, or maybe you've not and you've enjoyed my entries so far, but my most of my writings don't make sense. This is another issue that I have, that has often curbed my creativity in any form of writing. I have written pretty strange things before (see Deviantart), horrific things and things that just downright seem like I'm belittling our species or attempting to "subjugate" our species. I don't know. Though you are certainly welcome to criticise and comment on my works however way you want, because I absorb them all like a sponge. I hope I make some sense in my entries, so you at least have the words to comment.

For 23rd, I was going to post a dream I had to make up for the shit haiku previous day. I didn't because dreams have too much context that I couldn't shape into a proper story. It was a bizarre dream and I woke up feeling a heavy sense of "what have I done?" Long story short, it was a dream where I had to assassinate the loved ones of my spy company's target. In my quest to make their deaths comfortable, I ended having a fun final day with them where I discovered that they are all kind and wonderful people, making me feel like shit to have to kill them. The dream obviously made me feel I still have some sense of humanity, since most days I don't feel much. Thanks dream. For yesterday though, I was thinking of posting a ridiculous, exaggerated romance. Which I might in the weekends.

Well, I finally managed to eke out something today, even though it looks to be a rant. Thanks for reading, anyone. Now you know my quandaries and fantasies. You are certainly free to write your own stories from those you find here. If you want, I can give you a quick rundown of what they mean and where my inspo came from etc. 

Have fun!