The Protection

Thirty-Four

The baseball party was at full capacity by the time Beth and I arrived late Saturday night. I begged her for a simple girls night in, but she looked at me as if I had just grown three heads. It was getting harder to be around Ben knowing his feelings and how hurt I had been when he had played me last summer. Now, here I was doing the same thing to him. A lesser person would have looked at the situation as a form of karmic retribution, but not me. I just felt sad. Still, I pasted on my pearly whites and pulled at the short hem of my red halter dress. The dress, as well as the rest of our night's plans, was Beth's idea. I'd been cramming all week to finish papers and essays, attempting to get back into my teachers' good graces as Kyler continued to ignore me for the purpose of "laying low." His silence had grown even stronger since we knew we had been spotted in the library together. Despite his warnings, I tried to focus on what abilities I had. Maybe if I understood them, I could control them, but since that night at the library, I had yet to feel anything at all. Maybe when Kyler pulled away so did everything else.

After a few "hellos" and "good to see yous" to familiar faces in the packed living room, I followed Beth to the kitchen sink and eyed the black Solo cup she was filling up, the red liquid sloshing dangerously close to the brim.

"I'm afraid to ask what's in that." I remarked, turning up my nose, but still taking the cup from her. She shrugged and scooped herself a generous portion as well.

"No one knows. That's why this is called trash can punch." I took a swig, immediately regretting my decision. It tasted like a mix between koolaid and rubbing alcohol. "You can't tell me you don't remember what happened freshman year with this stuff," she said with a knowing smile. The first college party we had ever attended, we consumed way too much of the forbidden concoction. Our mouths were bright red as we kissed some Junior soccer boys in their apartment pool. Naked. Skinny dipping at it's finest. I shook my head and took another long sip despite the horrid taste. Beth and I always had a good time when we were together. Whether it was countless nights on the couch drinking boxed red wine and gossiping about our teammates or the time we had the co-ed pool party with the kiddy pool in our girls only dorm room. We had fun learning ways around the strict rules and regulations that went along with attending a small private christian university.

I was about to hug her tightly and tell her for the millionth time she was my best friend and I couldn't live without her when a different pair of arms wound themselves around me from behind. I allowed myself to pretend they were Kyler's until Ben's voice murmured in my ear. Drunk. Annoying.

"You know I love that dress on you, baby. You look hot." He spun me around and planted a sloppy kiss on my lips. I fought the urge to throw up the aptly named punch. "Come with me," he slurred, stumbling down the hallway. I reluctantly followed him simply because others were watching, and I needed to keep up appearances and stay out of trouble, but I wished I could stay back in the kitchen with Beth. He led me to his bedroom where I sat perched on the edge of his bed as he scoured for something, swaying dangerously.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and he turned towards me.

"Why wouldn't I be? You look great. I look great. And we are going to do some great things." My stomach dropped at the sentiment, but Ben was too drunk to notice. He finally threw his hands in the air after he found what he was searching for, tossing the small red box my way, the condoms spilling across the bed on impact. We hadn't been intimate in weeks, a decision that was entirely mine, not his. I was no longer staying at his place and promptly used studying as an excuse any time Ben would push me to come over. He sauntered, in his drunken haze, towards the door in a way I think he thought was sexy, but couldn't be further from the truth. He turned the lock, his eyes never leaving mine as he licked his red stained lips. Everything about him was revolting in that moment, and I'd never been so repulsed. I stood up from the bed and saw his eyes flash. Something sinister swam deep in their blue depths. Darkness. He pushed me back roughly.

"Don't play hard to get," he shouted. "You know you want this. You always do. That's why you let me have you all those years ago. You were my sweet and innocent little virgin." The edge in his voice made me shiver. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs I had never seen before from his dresser. He swayed as he clicked and unclicked them. "Now, you are just a dirty little whore like every other girl here. A glorified cleat chaser. It's time I started treating you like one." Woah! Excuse me? Whore? Cleat chaser?

Goosebumps erupted up my arms as rage began to build in my chest. The condoms on the bed shifted further away from me. He had never spoken to me this way. Sure, we had never officially discussed our number of sexual partners, but mine was pretty simple. One. Ben had been my one and only. Not exactly a shining example of the whore of which he spoke. I didn't care if The Protection was watching or if putting Ben in his place didn't exactly stick to the plan of 'laying low' but, I knew my value, and I was worth a hell of a lot more than this. I stood up again and dusted his dirty desperate words from my dress. The time had come to put an end to Ben and the future we would never have.

"Look, Ben, you were my first love so I will probably always care about you, but I don't think we were ever meant to work out," I said plainly, looking at the plaid sheets, thinking for the first time about how childish they looked on a grown man's bed. "I think it's for the best if we just go our separate ways." I exhaled, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders. I felt like I was free for the first time in months. He swayed silently for a moment, taking in my honest words, before shrugging.

"Whatever. It's not like you were the only one I was sleeping with," he said grinning wickedly. He took a sloppy swig of his beer. My eyes locked onto his and my blood boiled. How dare he. I crossed the room and without hesitation, poured the remainder of my trash can punch over his head. I hadn't drank but two or three sips, so the cup was pretty full. The drink stained his face and signature white T-shirt bright red. A fitting shade for the devil.

"You bitch!" he screamed, shaking and looking for something to dry off with, but I was too far down the hallway for his words to matter. Too far gone. Ben had lost me forever, and now I hoped Kyler would find me. I passed Beth in the living room where she was grinding against a junior outfielder to Lil Jon's Get Low while Scott watched, dismayed.

"I have to go," I told her. "I just broke up with Ben." She placed a concerned hand on my arm, but I shook it off. "I'll explain later."

"Here, I won't need these. I'm not coming home tonight," she said, handing me the keys to her Mercedes, while she looked longingly into the outfielder's eyes. I grabbed the keys as his eyes widened ten fold.

"Thank you," I mouthed as I moved to the door and out of Ben's apartment for the last time ever.