Always behind you! [YiZhan FF] Short story. ✔️

-7- Shy

-7- Shy

>>>POV YIBO<<<

After a long stressful day with my handicapped little sister, I sat down in front of my computer in the evening. Today the ultimatum expires, today at the latest I expect an answer.

Since my parents are still not at home, and I hope my sister will not wake up again. She is seven years old, mentally and physically handicapped and needs a lot of attention and care. My parents cannot take care of her. They are both severe alcoholics and that is also the reason why my sister was born disabled. I don't know how they manage to manage to earn a living for us anyway.

I work every day after university to pay my study fees. I don't want to take out a loan for it. When I am not at home, my aunt looks after my sister. She would actually be better off in a nursing home, but my parents can't afford that.

My only happiness and that for almost a year is, when I go online, go to the online game and have a message in my inbox again. A few days ago, however, I received a message that said: "I am not the person you think I am." What should I say? I knew it already. I was only there because of it!

When I found out that Xiao Zhan was playing the game, I registered there as well. I always hoped that one day he would write me about who he really is. But he did not. But it was enough for me to be able to write with him at least that way.

I think I'll explain all this briefly. When Zhan came to our school as a new student, I noticed him immediately. But because I have always been shy and I don't want anyone to know how I live and who my parents are, I never dared to talk to him. Instead, I changed my way to school so I could always see him when he was on his way to school and I was always behind him.

The same goes for the way home. He only had to turn around and see me. Because wherever Zhan was, I was there too. Always behind him. I always made up my mind to talk to him, even if it was just a simple hello. But, I was too shy.

As the new and final year of school began, I thought back and forth about how I could confess my feelings to Zhan. I just wanted to get it over with. I wanted to tell him, "Xiao Zhan, I've been in love with you for a year and I'd like to ask you out on a date." Just like my best friend always suggested. But I couldn't make it happen.

And suddenly, Zhan asked me to have a private conversation. I just thought, oh, God, he knows, he knows, and he's gonna hold it against me right now.

I was so panicked that I didn't realize what he was saying. I reacted as fast as lightning with the first thing that came into my head and that was, of all things, "Listen, I know there are rumors about me in this school. But, they are only rumors. I'm not and never have been into guys. So turn around and just fuck off."

But when I realized that Xiao Zhan, the guy I was so in love with that I was always near him, said, "Wang Yibo, I like you." I wanted to stop Zhan and not let him go. I wanted to apologize to him and tell him that I like him too. But it was too late, I had hurt his feelings and from then on he always avoided me.

I kept running after him. I continued to run behind him. But as soon as he saw me, he ran like hell and hid. I don't know how many times I cried over this. All I know is that I was just done with my nerves.

For me it was a lucky coincidence that we came to the same college. I could still see him every day. I was always close to him and when I heard he was playing this game, I really wanted it too. I enrolled there, made friends with Zhan there and we started chatting. Sometimes I provoked him and hoped it would help to get closer to him in real life.

I thought if I wrote him to confess his feelings to the boy again and he would do it, I would tell him, Xiao Zhan, I love you. But he refused. He wrote me about his one-sided love and I idiot couldn't bring myself to write him the truth about me.

So when he wrote me that he's not the person I think he is, I wrote him back: "Xiao Zhan, I know it's you. I knew it all along. I am glad it is you and not your sister. I can't manage it to tell you in real life, because I have been suffering from extreme shyness all my life. So, for fear of losing you, I am writing it to you now here, while I am sweating and my heart is racing in panic. I love you Xiao Zhan. I loved you even back then, and I said the first thing that came into my mind, in panic at what you might say to me. But I never meant it. I never wanted to say that. I'm sorry. Can you please give me, the biggest idiot in the world, a chance to say it in person?"

After I wrote this message, I naturally also wanted him to read it and kept asking him to tell his sister to read the message. I knew that it was his account. I knew that if then he would read it and maybe we could finally be together.

But he just didn't read and read this message. So I gave him an ultimatum. I told him I wanted an answer by Sunday. And Sunday is today. So now I'm sitting here hoping that he finally read my message and answered me.

After I logged in, I looked at the mailbox. Zero new messages. I went to the mailbox and saw that he has read my last message. More than three hours ago already. But he did not answer. I wanted to go to his profile and then it said: "Unfortunately the user has left our platform."

Angry I left my sister alone, sat in my car and drove to Zhan's home. There I found out from his little brother that Zhan had been deported to his uncle and couldn't even have read my message because his parents took his laptop and cell phone from him.

I drove home in horror, came into the house and heard my sister screaming. I ran to her, she started flailing around again, hitting me in the face with her fist several times. Even though she is so small, she has a crazy power and it really hurts.

It took me over an hour to calm her down again. She finally slept again and then my parents came home. Drunk and bawling loudly. My sister woke up again and started screaming again immediately. I was so angry, felt so desperate that I yelled at her to stop. She started crying and then my parents came and my father asked me if my little darling still hasn't answered me.

Yes, my parents know about my feelings for Zhan. They don't know anything, but this they do. At least they don't judge me for being in love with a man. But at least that doesn't stop my father from torturing me with the fact that I'm too shy to make things clear. So his words.

When I was at the college the next morning, I asked them if they could tell me how I could reach Zhan in Shanghai. After all, they have his address so they can send him his papers. But all they told me was: "If he wanted you to have his address, he would have given it to you himself. And even if I wanted to give it to you, which I don't, I couldn't."

Then I also learned from Chuyue, Zhan's best friend, that he doesn't have the address either and that Zhan will emigrate soon. What have I done to deserve all this? Why was I born with this pathological shyness? Why couldn't I write to Zhan earlier about how I feel about him? Will I ever see him again?

But there is one more thing I have to explain. When I was with others, I was good at acting and so they didn't even notice that I was shy. They thought all this was real. The truth was, I usually practiced how to act and what to say for at least an hour the night before. It just didn't work with Zhan because my heart was involved.