Always behind you! [YiZhan FF] Short story. ✔️

-8- America

-8- America

At that time it had taken a good half year before I had completely adjusted to life in the USA. The language, the people, the culture and the food was all new to me. Luckily, there was my uncle's boyfriend there, and we also moved in with him. He helped us a lot. And only two months after we emigrated to the USA, I was at my first wedding of a same-sex couple.

My uncle married his boyfriend. It had been a beautiful wedding. At the new university I quickly found new friends. Some also from China. So I had at least a few people around me with whom I could talk in my language.

My family never contacted me or my uncle. It didn't work for me anyway, because my uncle had blocked them all for me. But they never called my uncle either. So we never called them either. Sometimes I admit that I missed them, but mostly I was just glad not to be with them.

I was not even invited to my sister's wedding. I only found out about it through my grandparents. At least I still had a lot of contact with them and they often came to visit me in the USA.

Unfortunately, the contact to Chuyue had completely broken down. After half a year at the latest, we had no contact at all. At first it was difficult because we could not call often due to the time difference. Then, little by little, the messages became less and less, and finally nothing came at all.

The last thing Chuyue wrote me was that he has a girlfriend and spends a lot of time with her. After that I never heard or read anything from him again. But I also lived my life. I did not find a new love, but many new friends who accepted me as I am. I went to university, was a good student, graduated shortly before I was 22 and started working for a photographer.

My boss was a photographer in great demand. He did photo shoots with famous models. In all magazines, whether fashion or advertising, there was at least one picture of what he did. Most of the time there were more. I was his assistant and sometimes I was allowed to take pictures. Some of them even went into print for a calendar.

I have to say that living with my uncle, his husband and generally freedom in the USA has been more than good for me. I became much more confident and learned to love myself completely as I am.

When I became 24 years old, I took my own apartment. A small apartment, not very fancy, but for the beginning it was perfect. I even started to change from behind the camera to in front of the camera sometimes and got several offers to work as a model. But I did not want that. I loved the work behind the camera much more.

At a party for my 25th birthday, meanwhile I was earning good money and moved into a bigger apartment, I met someone in a club. I knew from the beginning that he was not the right one for me and met him a few times. But nothing ever happened between us. My uncle once told me: "You closed your heart and locked the man you loved when you lived in China. If you don't find a way to open that lock, you'll end up alone."

But what could I do? I still loved Yibo, I couldn't just turn off the feelings. And no one came around the corner where my heart said, "Oh yes, we have to grab him. Let's push out the dusty one-sided love and catch a new love." Something like that did not happen to me.

Many who got to know me could not believe that at the age of 25 I never kissed a man or at least walked hand in hand with a man. But that's the way it was and I was not ashamed of it. I didn't want anyone to kiss me just so I could finally have my first kiss. I didn't want to hold hands with anyone either.

Just before I was 26, Lena, a very good friend of mine, told me to fly to China and find out how Wang Yibo was doing. She said, maybe he is married and a father by now. "Then maybe this will help you finally open your heart to someone else." 

I told her: "No, I am not ready for this. I can't do this."

She laughed and asked me, "How many more years? You have to face it sometime. Nobody wants to spend their whole life alone loving someone who has forgotten them and never loved them back anyway."

Of course she was right. I wanted to get rid of my feelings for Yibo. But I was afraid of seeing him again. I don't even know what I was afraid of. Maybe that my dreams of and about him would end then?

On my 26th birthday Lena gave me a plane ticket to Beijing and had a ticket for herself. She said to me: "It is time to face reality. I want you to face your family on the one hand and on the other hand find out what is going on with Wang Yibo. And I hope that when we return here, your heart will be freed. So that you are finally ready for a new love and I can finally see you happily in love."

Strangely enough, the thought of going to Beijing with Lena to travel did not bother me and I was even happy. Lena is brave, strong and tough.

So we arranged a departure day, took a vacation for three weeks and prepared for our trip.

For Lena, this meant that she had her brown hair dyed again so that no extensions are visible, she bought new clothes with matching shoes and already exchanged money.

I, on the other hand, visited my psychologist and let him psychologically prepare me for the trip. Yes, I sought some professional help, after I noticed that I was not coping as well with my parents' rejection as I had expected. Then I also went to the hairdresser, had my hair cut and styled beautifully. Bought me some new clothes and shoes and booked a hotel room for Lena and me near my parents.

Since Lena and I are best friends and have often shared a bed together and it is also cheaper to book only a double room, I didn't worry about it. Especially because Lena likes women. Unfortunately her last relationship went wrong. However, I could see that already, the two of them were more like dog and cat.

Two days before our departure, Lena came to me and we spent two more nice days together. We went to a club, danced, laughed and sang loud. We went to the cinema and visited our other friends with whom we then spent a whole night drinking in a bar. Which is why we looked like zombies the day we left.

Before the flight took off, Lena and I shouted loudly in the plane: "America, soon you will have us again." Yes, I love the life here and I don't want to live anywhere else anymore.

And to be honest. I don't want to live in Beijing anymore either. I love it here in America. I'm glad that I'm accepted here the way I am and that I can live the way I want without being judged. Here are my friends, here is my life and here is also my work. Here is everything I need and love.