Becoming Agent Rushman

One Hour Later

Author's Note: I'm so sorry I feel so bad for this part but it was gonna happen eventually I'm so so so sorry don't kill me !!plus there's a medium TW!!

Sasha's POV

I couldn't take my eyes off her. I refused to blink, my eyes stinging from the tears I was trying so desperately to hold in. "Eli..."

"Hey, Sash, I'm okay right? I'm still here!" I was numb. My best friend...born with cancer and she said nothing. How can I take her words of reassurance and just do nothing? "Y-yeah...but what if you aren't this lucky for the next eight years?"

"C'mon Sasha, you don't have to worry about me! I'll be okay!" I can't believe this! She is telling me-telling me I don't have to worry about her? I pulled away slightly, sitting up. She reached for my hand, and the second I slapped it away I felt horrible. She looked away from me, not saying anything. "Eli I..."

"It's fine Sasha, don't worry about it." She got up and left. She up and left, and it was my fault. Hell I wanted to go after her so bad, but I was frozen. She walked out the door, no doubt to punch the life out of something. I should be glad it isn't me. It took me 10 minutes to get up, and I went into the shared bathroom at the back of the room. I splashed water on my face, trying to calm down. My hands shaking, I sat on the floor, trying not to have an attack, but the sobs racked me as I shook, unable to think straight. I felt a horrible sinking feeling as I closed my eyes, seeing my hand hitting hers away over and over. "I'm so sorry El..." I spoke almost inaudibly, repeating it over and over. I couldn't lose the girl I just started to love this soon. Thoughts of worthlessness overwhelmed me, and memories rushed back. You're not good enough, you don't matter, nobody loves you...I couldn't take it anymore, and braced myself on the tub, shakily standing up. It was dark outside now, I wonder what time it is. I walked to the kitchen, holding in my tears and quick breaths for a few moments. I picked a knife from the drawer, hiding it as I went back to the bathroom. As I locked the door, my breathing quickened as I sat down, pulling off my hoodie. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely hold the knife. I held it to my wrist, pressing it in harder and harder as the blood spilled out. I tried to ignore the pain, but I instantly felt dizzy and threw up. My body felt heavier than lead as I tried to move. I saw spots as I slipped, my head thankfully landing on the thick mat. If I wasn't careful I'd bleed out, but there wasn't much I could do now. "Madame will be pleased with these results." I heard the familiar voice in my head, and I banged my head on the wall. The last thing I heard before I passed out was someone pounding on the door.

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Sam's POV

"DAMMIT I NEED TO PEE!!" Who the frick is being an asshole and not answering me?? I swear I will pound this door off its hinges!! I did break it open a moment later, but I was not in the slightest prepared for what I saw. I held in a scream, the others were all sleeping already. Except Eli...I wonder where she is. I knelt down at Sasha's side, a large gash bleeding out on her wrist. I frantically looked around for a towel, upon finding one I wrapped it tightly around her wrist. "Hang on Sash...you'll be alright," Take note that I said this quietly with honestly not much hope. I picked up the bloody knife, and held it tightly before putting it in the sink; I'd come back for it. "Oh Sasha Sasha Sasha...why did you do this?" As if she could answer me. I picked her up and nudged the door shut again as I walked out. I hope Romanoff's still awake...I speed walked through the dark hallways until I came to her door, which I pounded on as well. "ROMANOFF!!" I whisper-shouted until she came to the door. She looked like she hadn't slept in days when she opened the door, and she almost screamed too. "Sasha!! Sam what the hell happened?"
"I have no idea, I found her like this on the bathroom floor, one of the kitchen knives in her hand."
"O-okay...well we need to get her to medical, go and find Dr. Harver."

"He's in his office room right?" She nodded, and I turned, about to race down the hall. "And don't worry if you have to wake him up okay? We need someone with more medical experience." I tore down the hallway and knocked on his door too, and a minute later we both went down to medical. He gave her some anesthesia and put her on some other drugs before stitching her wrist. "Hey Romanoff? Did uh, did Eli come see you?"
"No...why?"
"She left after explaining to Sash about her cancer-" Romanoff buried her face in her hands and let out a muffled shout. "I told her, I told her Sash wouldn't take it well!! Now someone has to find Eli, I can't have anything happen to her."

"Should I?"
"No, you stay with Sash in case she wakes up, I'll go look for her." Romanoff squeezed Sasha's hand before heading down the hallway. They have a really good relationship...I envy it sometimes. I don't like thinking about my parents though, so I'll just sit with Sasha for now. "E-Eli..."

"Sash!! Hey, Eli's not here right now, but I am, we're just glad you're awake. Do you...do you wanna tell me why you hurt yourself like that?"

"I hurt El...I didn't listen..."

"You didn't hurt her, I'm sure she isn't mad at you!"
"I slapped her away...and I didn't even go after her..."

"I'm sure she understands, she told you she was born with a cancer that has no cure, so you can't have been expected to take it perfectly Sash, it's gonna work out."

"How can you say that..."
"Just trust me, okay? You got me with Amirah, so I'm gonna get Eli back for you and the both of you can work it out," I smiled at her, hoping I would be right. I rubbed her hand, trying to keep her calm. This girl really has brought us together, I can't let anything happen to her. And if there's anything I know, she is special.

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Natasha's POV

I ran down the hallways, checking each room. No Elizabeth. I couldn't let Sash know that she was missing, especially if I can't find her. I paused at the door of one of the maintenance closets, hearing someone crying. I opened the door slightly, and saw Elizabeth on her knees, her long hair hanging over her face. "Elizabeth..."

"R-Romanoff? Is that you?" I couldn't imagine how long she'd been in here, and I went over to her, brushing her hair out of her face. "How long have you been in here?"
"Hours I'm sure...I lost track after four."

"Oh sweetie...come here," I am still not one for hugs, but I make an exception for her and Sasha. "Come on, let's go back to your bunk, you should get some sleep. Sasha got hurt in...training, so she's gonna be in medical tonight. She's already asleep, but you can see her in the morning." She looked too exhausted to argue and only gave me a nod. I helped her up and supported her to her room. She got changed and under her covers, and I took her lesbian flag down. "You wanna sleep with this tonight?"

"Y-yeah..." I draped it over her and gave her another quick hug before closing the door. I went back to medical and told Sam I found Eli, and told her to get to bed. Sash was asleep when I got there, so I just hugged her and went back to my own room. Like always, I lay awake for a few hours, unable to face the nightmares that haunted my sleep. But eventually I did, drifting off.