Becoming Agent Rushman

Two Years Later

Author's Note: !!Minor TW for self harm desc!! My brother Petey knows what's coming nexttttt 👀👀Enjoy Sasha being a broken mess everyone :) also isn't it scary when therapists take notes or is it just me??

Sasha's POV

I really didn't want to get up this morning. However, if dear ol' Elizabeth hadn't jumped on TOP of me, I would still be asleep!! "AGENT ELIZABETH BENNET WHAT THE ACTUAL-" She slapped a hand over my mouth and pulled me out of bed. "Do you have any idea what time it is??" She whisper-shouted at me as I rubbed my eyes. "No...why?"

"It's almost seven!! And Romanoff's been bothering me for ages! She told me to "Wake your sorry ass up before I kick it.", so I'm thinking you ought to get ready before she comes back!"

"Dammit...I love her but good lord does she not have a thing for sleep," I yawned and stretched, pulling on a t-shirt and sweatpants. And then the shot went off. I don't know why this time was different. The countless times I'd shot a gun, it didn't mean a thing other than I was impaling a target. I fell into Eli's arms, visions running through my mind. Every time I hit a person. I killed them on the spot and I left, leaving no trace. She held me tight as I tried to ground myself, but the resonations continued in my head. Natasha came in a minute later, I assumed to check on everyone, but she came straight to me, taking my body in her arms. She ran her hands through my shoulder length hair, my entire body trembling. It took over 30 minutes for me to calm down enough to sit up. Eli brought me some water, which I took a few gingerly sips of. I stopped crying a few minutes later, and Eli sat next to me, her arms keeping me calm. Natasha got up to speak with someone on her phone, before kneeling in front of me. "Sasha...I have to get to work now, but Eli's gonna take the morning off so she can keep an eye on you, sound okay?" She gave me a hug before standing. "And, I'm taking you a few places today, they're all a surprise though! Just meet me in the garage at 10:30," She smiled and left. Eli laid me back on my bed, and went to get our shared Nintendo Switch. "Wanna play some Animal Crossing?"

"Y-yeah...I'd love to, thanks..." She passed me a controller-red, my favorite-and booted up the game. She sat behind me, playing softly with my hair as I played. A few minutes later, I felt a tug. "Hey! What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just gonna braid it! You want me to cut it later?"

"Yeah, I've been asking you for two weeks!"

"So you have to let me play with it until I do," She continued, and I tried not to get too upset with the fact that she was making them pigtail braids. At nine we stopped, and I put on a red and blue plaid button up flannel shirt and jeans. Natasha had been dropping in every half hour to say something to Eli and give me a cryptic look. I couldn't wait for 10:30 now, I needed to know what we were doing! At 10:15, I hugged Eli goodbye and went to meet Nat in the garage. "Ah Sasha, there you are! A bit early, but that's fine. Hop on in." She-I...HOLY SHIT I WAS GOING TO RIDE IN NATASHA ROMANOFF'S CAR. I climbed in the front seat, in awe. The only people she let in here were her two fishies! "So. Where're we going?"
"Three places. First you have a doctor's appointment, then the next one is a secret, and then you have another doctor's appointment in the hospital."

"You've got to be kidding me. That's like giving me bad news bad news and maybe even more bad news! Come on Romanoff, at least tell me the second place we're going! Please?" I looked at her anxiously as she pulled onto the highway. I'd never seen a doctor other than Dr. Harver, not even a therapist. Natasha was trying to get me one, but it seemed to be a very slow moving process. But two appointments back to back, both in the outside world? And one in the hospital? You'd be right to assume that I'm nervous as hell! "Sasha...listen. You're going to be just fine, you have nothing to worry about. They're just going to do some tests and you'll get a physical for extra records. And don't worry about the hospital, it's the place we took the Director when he was dying," She sighed and shook her head. "Both directors...Well nothing to be upset about other than the fact that they're both idiots." We laughed; I knew Coulson and Fury pretty well by now, and loved to joke about them with Natasha. We pulled into the parking lot of the first 'doctors office'. It looked waaaaay too much like a nursing home though, I wasn't convinced. The blue shutters? The white siding? The STAINED WHITE DECK?? "Okay. Romanoff you explain what in the hell is going on. Now. Please."

"Well, we finally managed to find you a therapist Sash. I'll be taking you once a week, they're 45 minute sessions." I smiled. I needed help, I know that, and becoming an agent isn't going to fix that. We went in, Natasha filled out some forms, and we waited. Dear god it must make people jealous to know that Natasha Romanoff is my legal guardian. After a few minutes, a younger woman wearing the most beautiful orange and yellow dress greeted us, introducing herself as Cassandra. "You must be Sasha, nice to meet you! And you're Natasha Romanoff. Well Sasha, come on back and we can get started!" I followed her into a smallish room. There were sooo many plants, almost the whole place was windows, and there were only bean bags. I sighed and sank into one. "So Sasha, I know you haven't exactly had an easy childhood..."

"Well it all started with my parents being shot in front of me and it took a fall off a cliff from there, so yeah, you could say that."
"I understand humor might be a way for you to cope since you're still young, but it won't help you in the long run. Do you want to tell me about some problems you're facing?"
"W-well something that happened today, I heard one of the guns misfire in the shooting range, and I got really scared...it's never happened before though..."

"That most likely was an intense anxiety attack, you may have been feeling slightly anxious around guns before, but you didn't notice until it all came out, does that sound right?" I nodded, playing with my braids. "And...and I always have these panics, I feel like I'm dying..." I think I'll stay quiet for now, about the incident with the knife. "Those would be panic attacks, I can prescribe you some medications for that and the anxiety so that they are easier to manage." I nodded, tugging my sleeves further down over my wrists. "Have these attacks ever made you want to hurt yourself?" God dammit why are therapists so perceptive!! I looked away, not wanting to answer. It had been years but the scars remained. "Sasha, you can tell me anything. Do you mind showing me your hands? I lifted my left sleeve up and slid my watch up, the scar hidden underneath. My hands were trembling as I looked at the clock. 40 minutes past. "Well we're pretty much done for today, I'll see you next week. The pills should be ready tomorrow, so they should start helping you feel better." We walked out to meet Natasha, and I went right out to sit in the car and write while they spoke. I really hoped that the surprise would be worth it.