Unspeakable

Chapter Five- Harrison

An unfamiliar feeling rushed through my body as I thought more and more about the game we played last night. I can't believe we all played spin the bottle and were too drunk to remember any of it the next day, well, except for Y/n. She's always there to remember everything and tell us about it all the next day, whether we want to know about our previous exploits or not,
         For seven years, Y/n's always been there. She's been nearly joined at my hip, acting like my sister when for a while, my mind has been wandering off more and more towards the subject of her being more than that. I mean, I've helped her through breakups with lousy ex's that I've wanted to kill for hurting her and I never saw her differently then, so how come I am now?
         She's cried on me hundreds of times, and I always stroked her hair and told her everything was going to be alright, not always knowing if things were really going to be okay given the situation but giving her hope anyway. We have this pact that if we aren't married in ten years, we'll marry each other, and as that date gets closer and closer the more I wait in anticipation for the day I can say, "Hey, it's time we get moving on this life thing". We made that pact five years ago, and I keep inwardly counting the days until the next half is up.
         Even though last night is a blur, my slowly rising jealousy allowed me to vividly picture all my mates kissing Y/n except for me. The stories she shared about last night sure didn't help cease my thoughts either. By the end of breakfast, everyone was laughing about the game, except me. Jealousy raged inside my body as I glanced between each boy she kissed, wishing they were me, I never knew how much I cared for her until this moment, well, I've always cared for her but in a different way.
         "If it's okay with you guys, I think I'm gonna head out since you're all sobered up, and no, I'm not coming over again tonight. What I could really use is a hot bath, a good book, a glass of wine, and lots of sleep, in that order." Y/n giggled, starting to clear the plates.
         "Here let me help you with those," I gestured, getting up and grabbing my plate along with Harry and Sam's, giving them a small scowl that neither of them understood.
          "Thanks, Haz," Y/n beamed, walking over to the sink.
          "Now, you guys may be hungover, but that does not mean I'm doing your dishes," she laughed, placing the dirtied pans and mixing bowls in the sink as well.
          "No, no, we'll get Sam to do them later," Tom grinned, glancing at Sam who grimaced at his older brother.
          "We'll see," he shot back, rolling his eyes.
          "See, you guys can handle yourselves, well, when you're sober," she giggled, heading upstairs to gather her things. I took a deep breath and jogged after, knocking on the guest bedroom door frame before entering.
           "Oh hey," she greeted, popping her head into view. I stepped in, scratching the back of my head nervously.
           "How's your head?" she asked, glancing at me while picking up her top that was on the floor from last night, or really, this morning.
           "Better, the breakfast helped," I replied, getting a smile in return.
           "Well, comfort is the best medicine, and I'm known to treat my boys better than they deserve when they're hungover," she grinned, giving me a rub on the shoulder as she passed into the bathroom. I put my hand over where she rubbed and slowly drew it down as she came back out with her hairbrush in her hand. I cleared my throat, getting her attention.
           "Hey so, I'm really sorry about what happened last night," I apologized, letting out an uncomfortable laugh.
           "Really, it's fine, besides we're all so close it doesn't really phase me," she smiled while chuckling lightly, stuffing her things back into her drawstring bag.
           "I'm surprised you didn't fall for Tom's charms," I laughed, hoping she actually didn't.
           "Honestly, me too. But that's probably just because he's like my brother and with everything I know about him I couldn't ever like him," she snorted, taking her pair of jeans and folding them, putting them in her bag.
           "That's good," I replied, getting a raised eyebrow.
           "And why is that?" she asked, setting down her bag and stepping toward me, folding her arms. I started to sweat and panic, not realizing what I had just said.
           "Well because if you liked one of us it would ruin everything," I explained hurriedly, inwardly facepalming at what I had just told her, basically telling her not to fall in love with me.  
           "You aren't wrong," she stated, pointing a finger at me then grabbing her bag off the bed.
           "I'm not?"
           "No, I mean, I love you guys, but could never in the other way. We're all too close, if the relationship broke off it would break off the friendship with everyone as well," she speculated, stroking her chin.
           "And besides, why do you care?" she asked with a smirk, causing me to freak out more than I already had been.
          "Well, I uh-,"
          "Does Harrison Osterfield have a little crush on me??" she asked in a high pitched tone while her mouth dropped open, finding more humor than shock in what she just said.
          "Nooooooo," I firmly stated, x-ing my arms back and forth while forcing myself to let out a dramatic shiver.
          "Ok, just thought I'd ask," she smirked, heading back towards the door.
          "Hey, I'm leaving, do I get a hug?" she asked, holding out her arms.
          "Well duh!" I exclaimed awkwardly, cringing at what just happened to me.
           We embraced and I felt her let out a sigh, her heart beating slowly against mine as I rubbed her back. If only we could stay like that forever.
          "I'm glad you were just messing around," she giggled, stepping back while keeping her hands around my waist, staring up at me with her big hazel eyes.
          "What do you mean?"
          "You know, with you acting as if you liked me or something," she laughed while I did the same, trying not to tense up.
          "Oh yeah, always trying to fool you, Y/n," I smiled, taking a few steps back.
          "Love you, Haz," she beamed, placing a kiss on my cheek, making me blush a tad.
          "That's for not getting one last night," she giggled, shooting me a wink before turning her back and walking out the door.
            I gathered my senses and ventured down the hall to my room, plopping on my bed, feeling defeated. She didn't want me as anything more than a friend, and I had to respect that. But there was a part of me that didn't want to give up that easily, something that told me to keep going. I wish I was sober last night so I could really kiss her while not letting a bottle force us to do it.
             I don't know how I'm gonna do it, and I certainly can't let the others know, but I have to change her mind. Something inside of me that said I could do it, and I thought I would be stupid not to listen. I guess that part of me was hope, because I was feeling it more now than ever before.