Girl Meets Realization.

Chapter Twenty Three: Girl Meets A Mad Josh.

Maya's POV:

My thoughts from earlier won't stop replaying in my mind. I try my best to push them aside but it's no use. I have this undeniable sense of guilt washing over me and I can't help but give in to it. As intense as my feelings are becoming for Lucas, my culpability is getting just as strong. I know after everything that went down between Riley and I, we don't owe each other anything.

Then why do I feel like I'm betraying my best friend?

"She's doing fine Maya..." I snap out of my thoughts and place all of my attention onto him.

"Huh?"

"Riley, she's doing fine. I know you worry about her." I don't bother looking up at Zay as the words leave his lips. I continue to play with the hem of my shirt.

"Does she... does she h-hate me?" My voice betrayals me more than I would like to admit. It's true that the thought has come up more than my liking but I want to know if I lost Riley forever.

Zay takes a deep breath before he decides to speak. I can tell by the look in his eye that he is currently at odds with himself. I need to know how Riley feels about me. Especially with the new founded guilt that has been consuming me, I feel as though I can't continue on with my relationship with Lucas without knowing this answer.

"I don't know Maya. I think as the time has gone by, Riley started to let go of everything. But she still holds some resentment to you, especially since you and Lucas are still so close." I can't help but feel hurt by Zay's words. I know he's only being honest but I have to admit I don't like what I'm hearing.

This situation is so messed up. I hate how bad I feel because of how my friendship with Lucas is affecting Riley. Despite everything, Riley has been there for me through a lot in my life and no matter what has taken place, nothing can erase that...

Maybe I should back away from Lucas a little bit?

"Don't even think about it." Zay announces with a stern voice.

"Think about what?" I question unsure about he's talking about.

"You're not making anymore sacrifices. Forget about Riley for once." I look over at Zay and see how serious he truly is. I know he means well but he doesn't get it.

No one does...

"It isn't that easy Zay." I admit letting out a sigh.

"And I don't want to be talking about this when Lucas comes back." I add.

Lucas left almost forty minutes ago to bring us back some lunch. I don't want him walking in and overhearing our more than personal conversation. This is something I don't want Lucas to ever find out about.

He is taking a bit longer than usual though...

"Would it be such a bad thing if Lucas found out?" Zay questions and honestly I can't think of anything worse.

"Yes it would. I didn't make the choices I did to get rewarded. No one was ever meant to find out." I explain, I am finding it difficult to meet Zay's demanding eyes. I know he wants to talk me out of my more than stubborn opinions but there's no way I'm about to let him.

"Besides it wouldn't change anything. Lucas would've still picked Riley over me." Zay doesn't bother replying. He knows what I said holds some truth to it. No matter what I did, there was nothing I could've done for Lucas to have become mine.

And in all honesty I wouldn't have done anything to take him away from Riley, even if I actually thought I stood a chance.

"I always wanted him to pick you Maya..." My eyes widen at his words. I never knew how much Zay actually wanted Lucas and I to end up together.