keep me » larry a.u.

thirty-one

It's three in the morning when Harry's phone starts ringing. He was awake anyways. Louis' surgery is in nine hours, and he can't get himself to fall asleep, the pit full of dread in his stomach not allowing him to. He picks up his phone. "You can't sleep either?"

"Nope. I figured you'd be awake, too."

"Layla just fell back asleep," Harry says, which isn't a lie. She hasn't slept much either. Harry wonders if she can feel his anxiety, and then he starts to feel horribly guilty.

"Hazza, I miss you."

Harry's chest starts to ache a little, like it often does in times like this. "I miss you too, L," He says softly. "More than anything."

"Are you...will you be mad at me? If I, y'know..."

"No," Harry assures quickly, eyelids heavy as he leans his head against the headboard of Louis' bed. It takes everything in him not to beg Louis to stay alive for him. "No, baby, I won't be mad."

"I'm sorry," Louis says quietly. Harry grabs Louis' pillow off the bed and hugs it to his chest, pressing his cheek against it. "I'm being selfish, I know I am," Harry almost objects, but Louis is talking again before he can. "I know I always tell you I'm fine, and I feel okay, but I'm not, and I don't. Everything hurts all the time. I can't keep anything down, I'm too tired to do anything, my teeth are fucking rotting because all I do is puke. I'm sorry, Hazza. But I'm dying either way. Surgery or not."

Harry closes his eyes, a tear slipping out and down his face. "I know," He admits, voice shaking.

"And if I felt up for it, I'd absolutely do a whole other round of chemo. But I'm not going to be able to get through it."

"I know," Harry says again. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Louis."

"I want to. I want you to know I did my best."

"I know you did, love," Harry swallows thickly, trying to keep himself from crying. It's not totally working. "And I'm so proud of you."

He can hear Louis laugh a little. "You're the coolest," He says softly, and Harry can practically hear the grin on his face. "You're my everything, Harry. I wish things were different." Harry grins to himself a little, sniffling and hugging Louis' pillow closer to his chest. "And, hey, the surgery could work. I could come out tomorrow and be cancer-free."

"Yeah," Harry sniffles again.

"And then I can come home, and be with you and Layla everyday," Harry knows Louis' just trying to calm him down a little. It's working, but not a lot. "That's what I'm hoping for. I miss my girl."

"What about me?"

"I miss both my girls."

"Fuck you."

Louis laughs before it's interrupted by a cough, and Harry frowns a little, looking over to where Layla is sleeping, his eyes still a bit wet. "How's Lottie doing?" Louis asks after a moment. "Is she...okay?"

"I think she'd like me to think she is," Harry says quietly. "But Ernest will not stop asking about you. He won't even watch Paw Patrol with me anymore."

"Oooh, dissed."

"'S okay," Harry grins. "'Ve still got Doris. Yesterday she tried to put hair clips on Layla, so, she's keeping me busy."