Wake of the Dead | Two

Chapter Three | Killian

Dinner with Jasper had been much more pleasurable than dinner with the rest of the group. He had been too exhausted to indulge them in their taunts and jeers. Instead, Killian had quite enjoyed rambling off all of his inner frustrations. Perhaps one of the best things about Jasper was that he didn't immediately try to solve issues that Killian presented him with, instead actually listening and nodding along.

With his stomach full after Jasper used his newfound reputation to get himself extra food—not telling them he was just sharing it with Killian—the younger man was sleeping better than he had in the past few nights. Once again he was comforted by the sounds of Jasper tirelessly trying to get comfortable, even muttering every once and a while. But he never snored, which was better than what Killian could say about the others. Unfortunately, sleeping in the kitchen meant hearing everything.

There was one thing on Killian's mind that was keeping him awake. Jasper, of course, was the reason. Why was Jasper so...well, Jasper? That was the only way Killian could describe his friend. Friend? He isn't a friend. Killian thought to himself, but if he isn't a friend, what is he? There was an emotion there that Killian had never, ever felt before. It confused him, and he hated being confused. Not knowing what his own mind wanted or was telling him was perhaps one of the scariest things he'd encountered in a long, long time.

There was something about Jasper that made Killian feel...safe. He wanted to be closer to him. The two had grown apart over the month they'd been separated. Not to mention how they were constantly distracted by their individual tasks within the group. As Killian's mind began to wander, he remembered those times when he'd pressed his body up against Jasper. He'd felt the chiseled muscle of Jasper's abdomen up against his own. The warmth his friend provided him in the cold, the sound of his calming, steady pulse up against his ear. He'd been so reluctant to pull away from Jasper. But why?

Swallowing back a bile that had begun to rise in the back of his throat, Killian could feel that emotion again. That sick-y feeling, a wanting to be near Jasper, the fluttering in his stomach that made him both unnervingly confident and overwhelmingly anxious at the same time. The thought of being close to anybody made his muscles slowly coil up, making him want to run and hide. Hide away from whoever was hugging him, because nothing good would ever come from him getting close to people. He'd never been close to anybody, but the people who had ever set a hand on him had only brought him pain, fear and confusion. Killian didn't think he deserved it.

A cold chill ran down his spine as he snuggled deeper into Jasper's jacket. Breathing in the comforting scent, Killian remembered how confused Jasper looked whenever he'd made his friend wear the jacket on a patrol a few days prior, then immediately taken it back when Jasper returned home. Jasper's scent had faded from it, and Killian made him wear it again to get it back.

As the freezing night weather began to set in, Killian could only force himself to ignore it. Lately Killian had almost constantly gotten distracted by thoughts of Jasper, or small things he noticed. The way his muscles moved when he put on his shirt in the mornings, the small scars on his chest and back, the way he ran a hand through his hair, and even the peek of a tattoo on his left thigh whenever he took off his boots and socks before bed. All of those details were insignificant, and yet Killian noticed every single one of them. Why?

Better yet, how could Jasper even sleep without a shirt? Killian couldn't ever imagine doing that. What if something happened and somebody saw him shirtless? Just the thought of that made Killian feel ill and yet, when he thought of Jasper, that didn't seem so much of a big deal.

Shaking off the confusing inner thoughts distracting him from sleep, Killian turned his back to Jasper and face the wall. Eventually, a soft blanket of exhaustion washed over him, and Killian fell into a deep and warm sleep.