I Can't Say I Love You Yet

Realization

The next morning I was woken up by the sun in my eyes. I put my hand in front of my face to try to block out the bright sun. I try to get up to close the curtains but something was holding me back from standing up. I turn my head around to see what it was but I just end up blushing. I see him holding my waist with his head buried into my back. I turn back around and just lay there. 

There is no rush to get up? The sun no longer burns my eyes but warms my face, the boy's arms around me feel like a personal heater. I can hear his steady breaths, 

In 

and out

In

and out

I sit there taking in the scene, wishing that it will never end. everything feels perfect right now. I am not hungry or thirsty, I am not cold or too hot, the room is sat in comfortable silence. everything right now feels almost like a scene from a movie. where two lovers are just cuddling after a long night. but then I am reminded of him, the boy that I am dating, the boy I should love, that boy that should cuddle me as he does. 

Oikawa 

I could have laid there for hours but, now the sun looks like it's mocking me shining right in my eyes saying" you know he is just trying to use you, get up and go back to Oikawa before you get hurt again little slut." 

I knew what the sun was saying was not true, right?

How did I know?

Tears start to roll down my face again, I should be used to it by now. but I'm not.

as tears roll down my face I feel the boy's arms around me tighten, and I feel him bury his face into my shoulders.

"It's okay go back to sleep it's still late," I was taken back

Late the sun was rising outside?

I look back into the window only to find that the moon is still high in the sky, it seems to be setting but the sun won't come up for another few hours. I look at the clock onmy the stand and see it's 3 am. how was that possible?  tears still rolling down my face I lay there still trying to figure it out.

Thats when I feel him turn me around, I look into his tired eyes as he puts his head on top of my head. I blush again but I bury my face into his chest.

Maybe I was wrong about him.

He really seems to care.

My tears come to a stop as I feel him put his arms around my body. 

"shhh its going to be okay, you will get through this, I promise."

I feel his arms tighten around me.

I have one last thought before I drift off into the world of sleep.

I want to be with this man, But if I go into a relationship with him then I will be no different than Oikawa.

I want to but,

 I can't say I love you yet

I'm sorry