Voodoo Doll lhxai [discontinued]

Chapter Fourteen

Idk this is probably a little angst-y. I was listening to mcr haha

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Luke stands frozen in front of his door. He's not sure why he hasn't left the room yet. It's not that hard to just walk across the hall, knock on Ashton's door and try to talk to him.

He'd thought about calling him, calling Ashton, but then decided it would be better to talk about something like this in person.

Luke had put off enough things in his life, and he didn't want this one stupid mistake to be one of them.

But Luke still doesn't know why he can't open up the door.

For some reason, he thinks it may be Christian's fault.

He's put off his thoughts about Christian for so long. Hid them in the darkest part of his mind. He didn't want to believe that he was ever attracted to a boy.

(But more than attracted to. Completely, utterly, devoted, love).

Luke always kept Christian to himself. He didn't even tell Michael and Calum (who he was and is almost as close to them as he was Christian) until it was nearly too late. He'd made them promise to never tell, to just forget about it.

His parents never knew about Christian. They would probably think he was just going throught a 'phase' and Luke honestly thought he was too.

He's never thought about guys romantically, aside from Christian (but he's been over this, because Christian's sex didn't matter then).

Actually, he's never thought about anyone the way he thought about Christian. The way his heart pounded and his head exploded in paint splatters, his stomach wrenched with such a strange amount happiness. That feeling has never once been replicated. He has never loved anyone, not like he loved (possibly still loves) Christian.

But when  with Ashton, he develops a completely different feeling. One that Luke has always associated with bad things. With inevitable dread and horrible fevered sadness. A feeling that has always scared Luke. Not because it is such a bad thing, but because he likes it.

Whenever he'd felt that way in the past, something either exciting and adrenaline-pumping, or something that should be regretted happened.

And it's a fine line for Ashton.

Maybe Luke enjoyed what he did with Ashton, but at the same time it should be something to regret.

Luke forgets how to breathe. When he realizes he isn't he gasps and turns around, returning to his bed that has been his life the past few days.

He's panicked, why is he panicked. He should be able to just walk the short way across the hall and confront Ashton about this whole thing. It shouldn't be a big deal - it isn't that big of a deal. All Luke has to do is tell Ashton that he doesn't want a relationship like that. Maybe no relationship at all.

But it's not that easy, apparently.

Luke pulls his phone from his sweatshirt pocket. There are messages and missed calls, voice mails that he isn't planning to check. He clicks on his contacts and calls Calum.

"Hey. . . uh, I need your help."

-

"You did what?" Calum yells. Luke flinches, burying his face into his legs, draw close to his chest.

"I fucked Ashton. . ." Luke mumbles.

"Yeah, I got that part, but I - just why?" Calum pulls frustrated at his hair.