Suddenly

🌸Broken Hearts🌸

I'd tossed around my bed all day. I'd spent many hours crying that I don't think I can physically produce tears anymore. A knock came from the door but simply couldn't bring myself to respond. The door slowly opened and in walked Madame giry. "Oh my lady...Oh Mistress!" She said walking over to me. "Mistress you slept in your day dress!" She said placing a hand on my arm and rolling me over gently. I kept my eyes against the wall as she rubbed my shoulder. "Madame what is it?" She said brushing the hair out of my face in a comforting manner. She'd never seemed to be the comforting and caring type but she reminded me of my mother. I sat up in a daze, she helped me up and I just blurred everything around me. All I wanted was to go home and now I had no idea how to do that. "Mistress let's get you changed, your dress is so wrinkled you can't present yourself like this." She said looking around my dress. I just nodded quietly. "Madame...Antoinette?" I'd rarely heard her use my first name other than when she'd point out my mistakes during class. "What bothers you?" She questioned. "Nothing Madame thank you for asking." I said with a fake smile, I knew my puffy eyes and depressed stature said opposite. She looked at me concerned and turned to grab a dress from my wardrobe. "This will do Madame." She said helping me undress to my shift. She quickly helped me dress and I sat down at the vanity. She walked behind me and unpinned my hair combing through the knots until it laid flat against my back. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a mess, my face was red and puffy and my eyes were bloodshot. "Madame, have you heard the news of the ball tomorrow to celebrate the attendance of the last opera!" She said placing her hands on my shoulders and bending down to meet my face trying to cheer me up. I smiled lightly with mild confusion, "a ball?" I questioned. "Yes Mistress! Your Aunt will be in attendance, she was very intrigued to hear you were here." She said, "she wrote to us saying she wasn't aware she had a niece, especially one named after her." Madame giry said setting the brush down. I could feel a lot in my stomach, I didn't really know how to respond. "I was always told growing up I was named after her...my...my parents...I lost them recently." I said looking down. "It's just been very hard...I've always been told that I have noble family in Paris." I finished. She removed her hands from my shoulders and stepped back, "my apologies Mistress." She said quietly. "Do not apologize...I've been needing to speak about it." I responded. I wasn't completely lying, I did lose my parents...not in the same way but she didn't need to know that. "I will have your dress ready by tonight for fitting, the seamstress has been working double lately." She responded, braiding my hair. "Do not worry about me, I can wear one of my gowns. I said looking at her through the mirror. "No mistress, the masquerade ball requires the best correlated costume." She responded, pulling the bottom of my braid up and pinning it. "Oh, very well then...you may collect me whenever needed for the fitting." I said with a weak smile. She finished braiding my hair and tied it up. "I will allow you to stay out of practice today, it's nothing important." She grinned as she walked over to the door. "Thank you Madame giry." I responded, she nodded and closed the door behind her. I was left again in silence, the room felt dark and the mood hung in the air. I rest my head against my arms on the vanity and tried to rack my brain for how I could get out of here. The mask was obviously useless or so I thought because it didn't do anything. I sat up hanging my head and looking at myself in the mirror. I looked presentable now, rich, like I had power. But obviously I felt the opposite to that. I stood up and walked over to the mirror fixing my dress and looking at myself. I looked nice, I'd grown to like the style of clothing I had to wear day to day. And I surprisingly enjoyed the corsets and bustles even though they could be quite uncomfortable at times, but the thought of people creating every single outfit to fit you and you only and make you happy. I looked back up at myself in the mirror, it was closed, maybe locked I couldn't tell. I didn't feel the normal leering eyes so it semi comforted me. I pushed myself away from the mirror and walked over to my door, I just needed air. I looked down picking up the leather bag that was hanging from the door handle. Meg had hung it up for me since I threw it on the ground. I grabbed it and swung it around my shoulder, I needed to get some air. I walked to the door and went to open it before I remembered what I had with me. "It wouldn't hurt to try." I shot my hand down and grabbed the mask crossing my fingers on the other hand. "Please...work" I mumbled as I grabbed the door and pushed it open. I felt the rush of wind hit my face as I stepped outside. But as I opened my eyes I recognized the same clothing and carriages that roamed these streets. "Why am I not surprised." I said rolling my eyes and walking down the steps. I felt tears forming in my eyes, they weren't sad tears they were frustrated tears. I hate confrontation, pain, confusion. All these things always led to me resorting to tears because I can't help being sensitive. I spent my day walking the streets and sitting at the park to clear my mind and sketch. I grabbed dinner at a local bistro and headed back just as the final carriages were being sent in and street lamps were being lit. I walked inside, the candles had all been burnt out and I could barely see. I pulled my bag out and tried blindly to put my sketch pad back in the bag. I dropped it and bent down searching blindly on the cold ground. I felt around grabbing at anything, the cold ground turned into a freshly shined satin like leather as I felt around the shape of a foot.