torrent | shoto todoroki

二 | denial

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND," Todoroki said, the umbrella still at his side as he sat across from Principal Nezu and Aizawa. The two shared a look, glancing at the boy worriedly. It wasn't hard to tell that his actions and words had unnerved his classmates (as well as some of the staff), which is why it was best to handle this head-on.

"Todoroki, I understand that you've been grieving—"

"—grieving? What is there to grieve?" He blinked confusedly.

Nezu's tail flicked as he put his paws together, "Todoroki, L/n Y/n is dead."

Shoto's brows furrowed at that and he stood up, "That's a lie. She's here, she's breathing. I saw her last night." Aizawa and Nezu shared another glance, Nezu urging Aizawa to talk this time. Todoroki's hand shook, his fingers trembling against the handle of the umbrella as he stared at his teachers, confused and irritated.

Aizawa leaned forward, "L/n Y/n is dead." Todoroki shook his head furiously, hands still shaking as he tightly held onto the umbrella. It was clear he wasn't going to back down anytime soon. His brows furrowed at his teachers, "No, she isn't! I saw her last night." Nezu spoke softly, his heart aching as he stared at the boy. "That must've been a dream, Todoroki."

Tears pooled in his eyes, already starting to streak down his cheeks. Todoroki's heart twisted at the thought. He hated being vulnerable in front of anyone and now he was crying in front of his teachers? How pathetic could he be?! He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, "No, it wasn't a dream. She was living, breathing, she was right here in my arms! I know it!"

They just listened to the boy ramble about how she was alive and it hurt. In his mind, her heart was still beating. Aizawa's lips pursed at the thought as he tilted his head downwards; it hurt to see part of himself in Todoroki, his mind flitting back to the friend he'd lost back in high school as well.

However, Y/n wasn't just a friend to Shoto. Anyone could've told you that the two were madly in love, destined to be, soulmates, whatever you call lovers that probably met time and time again through every single rebirth of themselves. He had thrown his heart to her and she had cherished it with care to the very end.

To the very bitter end. 

Nezu swallowed nervously, "Todoroki, you need to understand, L/n Y/n is dead."

"She didn't, she isn't," Shoto stumbled over his own words, his voice faltering as he stared down at the ground with a broken look on his face. His heart twisted. How did she die? No way she's dead. She's not dead, right? Everyone seemed so happy this morning. Was I just seeing things? No, she was in my arms last night. She slept on my chest last night. I felt her heart beating.

Her heart was beating. 

"Todoroki, I'm sorry. She's dead." Aizawa said, coughing to clear his own throat. It was hard to talk and look at your student in the eye when you could see your own depressed self within them. Aizawa had grown to love his students as his own; how could he tell them something like this so easily? The answer is, he couldn't.

Shoto shook his head rapidly, his eyes flitting back and forth to the walls of the room and back at the staff that sat on the couch in front of him. "She isn't, I know she isn't. She's alive, she's here. Y/n, I know you're here." He said, his voice gradually growing louder as his breathing spiked. The umbrella clattered to the floor, his hands shooting up to his head to cup it as he breathed rapidly.

"Todoroki, Todoroki," His teachers called out his name like a mantra, attempting to stop his climbing panic attack as the boy crumpled to the floor, clawing at his hair like a madman as tears pooled in his eyes. "Y/n, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n. She isn't dead, she isn't dead. She's not dead, right? I swear I held her last night, I know it! I know it!"

He cried out, looking Aizawa in the eyes as the black-haired man backed off, his heart-wrenching at the sight. Here he was, staring at one of his kids like an idiot. How was he supposed to react? How do you tell an already grieving person that they're hallucinating? That they're panicking? Aizawa wasn't trained for this.

He wasn't ready for it himself when he'd gone through it.

"Todoroki, you need to look at me. Calm down, count with me," Nezu took care of the situation quickly, gently pulling the dual-haired boy's hands away from his head in order to alleviate his panic attack. Nezu slowly recited numbers, reminding Todoroki to stay in sync with him. The dual-haired boy caught up, saying the numbers at the same steady pace as his heart rate slowed.

Still shaken up, he pulled his hands to his face and cried his heart out, his tears soaking the cuffs of his blazer as the teachers looked at him with a pitiful look. The teachers harshly swallowed, unsure of what to say or do. "You should take him to Recovery Girl to make sure he didn't hurt himself," Nezu said quietly, not even looking at Aizawa.

Instead, the small mouse-man hybrid stared down at the floor. All they could do was watch the boy cry, heartwrenching sobs leaving his lips as his shoulders shook. I didn't— she's not. I'm not going crazy, am I? Or maybe. . . He blinked, staring up at his teachers with glazed-over eyes. He stared into the distance for a second, spacing out.

It felt like everything he had in his hands; everything he had loved, everything he had left.

It had just slipped away.

In an instant.

It was gone.

Just like that.

Was it gone?

Todoroki felt like he was growing crazy, anxiety tearing at every one of his nerves despite the fact that he sat completely still, the dampness on his cheeks slowly drying as he stared at the wall behind Aizawa. His heart wrenched, a nauseating feeling filling him as his hands scratched at the floor underneath him.

It was gone.