torrent | shoto todoroki

七 | depression

SHOTO SAT, his eyes drooping as he leaned forward before he suddenly snapped awake, his spine moving back to make him sit up properly again. He couldn't remember how long he'd been praying for. As usual, the windows of his room were covered with curtains and there was nothing in his room but darkness.

There was a slight light, but it was just from the candles surrounding Y/n's photo. It was one of Shoto's favorites. Her head was leaning on his shoulder and her other arm was swung around him as she grinned brightly. Oh, how he missed that smile. He smiled fondly, his finger tracing against her face in the photo.

He frowned, realizing the glass felt cold. "It's not warm," Todoroki mumbled to himself, pulling his knees to his chest as he sighed. He didn't feel motivated. After putting everyone through so much turmoil, he figured it'd be best to keep himself busy and not bother anyone else. Everything just. . . felt empty.

Shoto squeezed his eyes shut, another weak attempt to keep awake as the lights on the candles flickered slightly. All he wanted was her and he couldn't have her. He couldn't feel her in his arms, he couldn't feel her warmth, he couldn't kiss her cheek, hold her hand, smile at her, tap her nose; all of it was gone.

"What am I without her?" He mumbled to himself, lazily blinking as he stared at the photo. There was a slight glare to it, making Todoroki furrow his brows irritably. "I'm just a nuisance, aren't I?" The boy asked himself, rubbing his finger against the picture to get rid of some dust that had gathered at its side.

"Shoto," Fuyumi called out quietly.

There was a soft knock at the door before it opened. Once again, courtesy of a sibling to knock and enter anyway. His limbs felt like lead as he lifted his head to look at his sister. Dark circles adorned his eyes as he slowly blinked up at her. "What?" Her lips pursed and she set down a tray of food. "You need to eat."

He had grown used to it, the sight of seeing two glasses of water instead of just one on the tray. He just nodded gratefully at her, unsure of what else to say as she smoothly closed the door and walked away. In moments of silence like these, he was glad for the slight noise that came from the candles, even if it was minuscule.

Because, even now, Bakugo's words haunted him.

Is everyone really thinking that? 

Todoroki chewed on his bottom lip, his head hanging low again as he stared at the picture that sat starkly in front of him. "I don't know what to do, Y/n." The candles flickered, the air coming from his lips withering the flames in a different direction. "Everything without you. . . it just feels so empty. And Bakugo said you don't want me to feel like this but,"

Tears welled up in his eyes as he clutched the blanket that he had draped in his lap tightly. "I don't know what to do." The hot tears dripped from his pretty eyes, making trails along his cheeks before soaking into the blanket that he held. "Nothing feels okay anymore. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here without you."

He mumbled to himself, pulling his knees closer to his chest. His entire future had fallen apart, his world had imploded, and his heart was shattered. There was nothing left for him to live for, right? What was the point of attempting to be a hero if she wasn't there to help him along the way? 

What was the point of getting a house if he couldn't fill it with the kids he'd have with the love of his life? What was the point of growing older, buying a ring, and devoting your love to someone else when that one person you planned to do that with is gone? The emptiness in his heart grew, feeling like a large black hole that sucked out all happiness in his body.

He was tired.

He had tried so long, so hard, to keep himself and everyone else together. Or at least, that's how it felt like at the moment. Todoroki had avoided the topics with his classmates and the stares that he got from them didn't go unnoticed. How can I talk about something when it hurts to even think about it? 

Goddamn it, don't you think everyone knows that?! Don't you think everyone thinks that?! 

Bakugo's words rang in his head again and he winced, the pounding in his temple starting up as he quickly reached for the glass of water, drinking it in big gulps. He didn't want to feel dehydrated again. "If everyone thinks that. . . " He stared at the water droplets in the glass that were left behind. "Then speaking about it would make me a burden."

He pulled the blanket onto himself again, burying his figure in it as he stared wordlessly at the picture of his dead love. "I don't know what to do, Y/n," His voice came out like a whine now, a small complaint to the room full of silence. A room full of helpless thoughts and no ears to pray for him in return.

Todoroki was just a lost boy.

"Talking about it is good, right? But they're thinking about it. Stating the obvious is bad, so that'd just make me a burden. Isn't that right? I don't want to bother anyone else. I just want to. . . sleep." His eyes drooped shut again and he made a quick movement to slam his figure back, bumping against something else to keep him awake.

His eyelids shot up again and he was awake once more. Albeit in not the prettiest manner, but it did the job. "I miss you a lot," Shoto said in a solemn tone, his eyes losing its usual glint as he traced his finger against the frame of the photo again with a lost look. He muttered quietly, the candles flickering again at his words.

"Life was better with you in it."