Summer was here, there was no more the chilly breeze of winter invading once a while, a field of fireflies covering the barren field outside the window and the girl I started crying for was crying in my arms.
Her crying didn't seem to subside at first, and at one point I couldn't hold her balance and we fell on the bed but I still held her as she cried on my arms.
After a while, she finally stopped sobbing and instead was hiccupping and sniffling her tears away.
"There is one thing about me I haven't told you yet" she said, pausing after each word.
"All right" I answered, almost whispering.
"And it's the thing I carry the most guilt of" she whispered back.
"Okay" I didn't know what to say, the moment seemed fragile.
"Will you stay here even after I share this with you?" she asked, still hiding in my arm.
"Yes" I whispered again.
She took a long breath, and from the faint moonlight I could see another teardrop escape from her eye.
"I was 16 at the time when I met the love of my life, Anik. He was shy, and was transferred to our school and had no friends. He lived with his elder brother, both of them orphan. I was the same after my mother's death. One day we sat together during some ceremony at school and talked about how our school sucked. And then we grew close to each other. We were the weird duo that everyone else secretly hated"
She stopped to take a breath and wiped some tears off her eyes.
"Days passed and our bond grew stronger and one day he asked me on a date. At first I was reluctant because he was the only friend I had and I didn't wanted to end up losing him. Love was a messy thing for me because that's what I got from my mom and dad. So I declined him at first and a gentleman he was he didn't forced me"
"But then I secretly grew feelings for him but I was too awkward to tell him. But after 3 long months of having crush on each other I finally asked him out."
Devi smiled a bit, a smile of nostalgia.
"Our first date was in a library, he was so awkward at first date. But then after 5 dates he proposed me infront of my uncle's house and we kissed for the first time. Everything was great, our love was strong, we knew each other's worst qualities and the best ones too. When I was admitted to the hospital, he used to stay with me in this room; he used to sleep on that chair even though I told him so many times not to. He loved me with all his heart and I loved him with all of mine"
She chuckled for a second.
"Love birds" I taunted her.
"Totally" she chuckled again but then the smile dropped from her face.
"It was a year later when we had our first fight as a couple. On the retrospect, I don't even remember what it was about; it was such a silly fight. But the day after we had our fight, I fell ill. I was admitted to the hospital and because of the fight I didn't even told him either"
"It was the first rain of the year that day, it rained mercilessly, I remember he called me in the afternoon, trying to apologize, but I was still angry at him but I accidentally slipped and told him that I was admitted to the hospital again. A day later I came to know he was no more" she started sobbing again
"Anik was coming to see me; his brother left his bike at the home that day so he was riding the bike, the roads were slippery from all the rain when he swiveled trying to avoid hitting a truck that was about to hit him. He couldn't control the bike and fell off from the cliff. And today is his death anniversary"
She was saying about her life but all I had in my mind was Mitra, my mom's car, the heartbreak, the speeding up and the crash. I was relieving my accident, my attempted suicide through Devi's description. The only thing I was wondering was if Mitra would have cried the same if I didn't failed to commit suicide that day.
"His body was found another day later. His brother blamed me for the death, I wasn't even welcome at his funeral. I saw his body burning from a distance and that was the day my heart died. Anik was so full of life, he was shy but he used to take care of me like I was the centre of his universe and I was abandoned once again. Anik left me and I let myself die a bit more each day in his memories"
Her voice cracked by the end, she was sobbing hard on my arms. I pulled her close to me as he broke down in a puddle of tears. She wasn't fragile anymore, she is strong and I knew it. And so I held her, shedding some tears of my own.
We stayed like that for some time and then I finally broke the silence.
"You know sometimes I wish I wouldn't have met Mitra, maybe my life would have been better but then I know I would have missed so much, all the feelings that she evoked inside of me. The love, the care, the tears and the pain." I said.
"Umhu" she replied, barely audible over her hiccupping.
"I know you feel guilty, I know you are hurting but I also know you are strong and you have so much love to give that even you can't fathom" I said.
She nodded her head, wiping her eyes.
"You know once a wise person told me a thing- The only way out of the abyss is to follow the light" I smiled at her.
She smiled back and nodded her head.
And we stayed there, watching the fireflies the whole night, talking about how things would be different if a particular incident didn't happened in our life. The fireflies and the moonlight were witness of how we both felt that night- loved, lost or probably something in the between, how she fell asleep beside me and how I kept on wondering how will I tell Devi about the biggest mistake I did.
My failed suicide attempt.
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Before We Leave
العاطفيةNot all love stories are meant to be love stories. Sourya, finds himself in a hospital after he was rescued from committing suicide but the hospital isn't a hope for him until he met someone that changed his view of life, love and himself. Was this...
