Before We Leave

Chapter Nineteen

"Why are you here?" I said, even though I wanted to be angry at Mitra the words came out soft.

"Because I care for you and I am not a jerk like you Sourya" she said, her voice cold.

My mother left with the doctor to get some medicines and the second they left I barraged Mitra with all the questions I had.

"I am a jerk? And what are you?" My voice was getting caught up.

She remained silent or maybe she was too ignorant of my feelings. She was looking right at me, I wanted to cry in her arms and tell her how badly she hurted me. But I was no more the same Sourya or atleast I was trying not to be.

Mom entered the room with a nurse and some medicines in hand. The nurse gave me a pill, a painkiller perhaps. And I looked at Mitra smiling at the irony. The pain was right there staring at me.

Mom told me to take care and started gathering her things to leave.

"Are you staying?" Mom asked Mitra.

She nodded, "Yes, I am finally meeting him after so long"

Mom gave her a stare, or rather a warning. I wanted her to leave but somewhere a part of me wanted her to stay with me. I closed my eyes and the only thing appeared on my mind was a question.

"Mitra? Devi?"

Mom left in a minute and Mitra came and sat on the chair. I didn't wanted her to. The only person I wanted was Devi. I remained silent, I had nothing to speak with her.

"You know why I broke up with you?" Mitra finally spoke.

I remained silent. I didn't wanted her to talk. I wanted her to leave forever. From the room and from my mind as well.

"It is the same reason why you are in the hospital. You have no patience for someone other than you Sourya. You never had patience, even when I needed you to you were never patient with me" she spoke, her words cold.

"I wasn't patient? I waited for 6days for you to contact me" I spoke loud.

"And I waited for 2 years for you to change. Two years of my life I kept on thinking that someday you will understand that relationships don't work one way" her voice growing colder.

"You needed constant care and I kept on giving you that because I knew if I needed the same you would give me. But did you? Did you even tried to take care of me when my grandma died. I needed space to cope up and you kept on complaining that I didn't called you. Everytime I was sad you asked for care to your ownself instead of trying to take care of me. I know you had a bad past Sourya but that doesn't justify your actions towards me. " Mitra was looking down, her voice was low.

Her words were shrapnel, piercing me in the bad places. I noticed a  teardrop falling from her face. She was crying, she was letting it out. I wanted her to. She was not wrong and she had been penting up the feelings for too long. Too long to destroy everything.

"What I have done is wrong and your actions doesn't justify mine but Sourya you have done wrong too. You wanted me to be your caretaker not your partner. And even though I tried talking and making you understand you never even tried to. You are so busy with yourself you don't care for the people around you"

I tried finding a reason to tell her she is wrong. Unfortunately there were none.

"You waited 6 days, just 6days and then what you did? You attempted suicide. Leave me but what about your mom? Have you ever thought about that? No. Because again you are so busy with yourself" She finally broke into a puddle of tears.

She was holding her face in her hand, almost whimpering. I wanted her to stop crying. She was right and I realized what wrong have I done.

"You kissed Devi and she kissed back but you pulled away and never gave her an explanation. Why? Because you were to absorbed with your past issues" a voice inside me echoed.

Mitra finally stopped crying and wiped her tears. The kohl in her eyes were a mess. But somehow she still managed to look beautiful. She noticed I had tears in my eyes as well, she got up from the chair and came near the bed.

"Sourya I am sorry. I was worried from the first day I heard about your accident but something insided me stopped from coming. I wasn't going to come today but I was on my way when I saw your mom hurrying into the bus. She was panicking and I heard from her about today's incident. I could stop myself today" she spoke softly, a warmth of affection audible in her voice.

"I am sorry, its all my fault" I tried wiping my tears.

"No it isn't. I promised you to be by your side and I still cheated on you. Its not all your fault Sourya" she sat on the side of the bed.

She was looking at me, her face was a mess from all the crying. But she was still looking the same beautiful as the first day I met her and I know she will always remain this beautiful to me. She was my Mitra afterall.

A nurse opened the door and said that the visiting hours was almost over and Mitra has to leave soon.

As soon as the nurse went away, Mitra held my hand. Was it the same touch I wondered.

"Please take care of yourself and please just think about the people around you. Promise me you will never do anything stupid" she spoke, almost pleading.

"I promise" I said, "Are you returning alone, you should get a cab"

"Oh no. No. Rehan is here, he is sorry for that evening, its just I didn't wanted him here so I told him to wait outside" she said.

I nodded. Somewhere inside of me I felt a void growing. Mitra coming here and letting it out and then making me promise made me feel like everything will go back to how it was or atleast some part of me hoped so. But I knew I lost her and she must be happy with the guy, Rehan.

"The only way out of the abyss is by following the light" Devi's voice spoke in my mind. She was partially correct. Just following the light isn't enough, we have to stop holding onto the darkness and let go. And I was letting Mitra go, forever.

"Take care" she said and turned to leave.

She stopped midway and turned and spoke in her soft voice, "Somehow I still love you Sourya"

I didn't answered anything and she left the room. I didn't answered because I realized something, I was no longer in love with her. She was gone and I am okay with it. Somepart of me will always carry the memories but I was no more in love with her.

I was in love with someone else; Devi.