Before We Leave

Chapter Fourteen

The sun rays fell carelessly over Devi's face as she slept on my bed, her hair ruffled, her breathing falling soft; just like a scene from a dream. I barely got any sleep the last night and woke up as soon as the sunlight lit up the sky.

I didn't want Souza to see Devi in my room and cook stories of his own so I got ready on my own and left for the exercise room. So before leaving, I left a small note by Devi's sight that I am going to physio.

This was second day without Devi and Souza asked me about her. I assured him that she was fine.

After the physio was over, I quickly went to Mrs.Bakshi's room to find out how she is. She was resting so I didn't disturb her and made my way back to my own room.

I entered the room to find mom and Devi chatting, Devi was sitting on the chair fortunately. She looked at me and smiled slightly.

"How was today's exercise?" Mom asked me.

"Good, Souza said I will be walking within a week if I stayed on my current regime" I replied.

"That's good news" Mom replied.

But I wasn't feeling good suddenly. I realized that even though I knew everything about Devi, her secrets, her guilts, her regrets but I didn't know the most important thing about her- how I will contact her after we leave the hospital.

"I brought breakfast for all of us" Mom said, bringing me back from my thoughts.

We ate breakfast and mom told embarrassing stories of my childhood to Devi, even though I protested not to. Mom left after the breakfast for work.

After mom left, Devi sat with me on the bed. She sat opposite to me on the other side of the bed, her notebook on her hand.

"Thank you for last night" she said, smiling awkwardly.

I nodded and asked, "How are you feeling today?"

"Better" she smiled again.

There was an awkward silence that followed, she was looking outside the windows; something about her was different or perhaps I was looking at her differently.

"I have something to ask you" I said, breaking the silence.

She turned and gestured with her head- what?

"How will I contact you once we leave this hospital?" I asked.

She fell silent for a moment and then smiled.

"I will tell you that..." she said and I interrupted.

"When?" I exclaimed

"Soon" she smiled again.

Devi was a labyrinth, whenever I seemed to think I know her, whenever I see a way towards her, I face a wall, a wall of mystery.

"I will tell you" Devi said, she read what I was thinking.

I nodded at her and smiled.

"Also whatever I told you last night, I haven't told anyone, not even Mrs.Bakshi. Can you keep it a secret?" she asked.

"I will" I said, "And I have a secret of my own that I wanted to share, just so you know we are even"

"umhu" she nodded her head, trying to pay attention.

The final piece of my life, the thing that kept me up last night, the thing that haunts me in my nightmares. Mitra, the car and the crash. I was stuck in this hurting loophole.

"When I told you about Mitra's story and what happened to me, I lied about something" I began.

"After that evening, I kept on trying to contact her; calling her, texting her, even going to her home where her mother threatened to call the police if I knocked on their again. I was helpless, I couldn't sleep at night, I started smoking and then drinking. Mom was busy with her work, so she was out most of the time. It continued for 6 long days, all the begging, the nicotine and my sadness."

"On the 7th day I couldn't just hold it inside of me, the sadness engulfed me and I burned my throat with alcohol, bottles of it. But the pain was nowhere to be gone, so I decided to end it all, all of it. I took my mom's car and I sped across the highway. I noticed a turn but I didn't flinch, I floored the gas pedal completely and..." I didn't finish.

I felt light, I knew even though I tried not to but my tears were escaping. I was looking down at my lap.

"You are so wrong, Sourya" Devi spoke.

I looked up and saw Devi's eyes wet by her tears, she was crying more than me.

"You don't just give up on life Sourya, you live even when you have no one you try your best to live" Devi's voice seemed strong

"I had no one Sourya, my mom committed suicide, my father died shortly after, and then the love of life died and the last time we spoke I yelled at him, do you think living with all these guilt is easy, no it is not but we got to live as long as we can" Devi was pissed at me, she was almost yelling

My face dropped, I knew whatever she was saying is true, I shouldn't have done what I did.

"I am sorry" I spoke, almost whispering, my throat seemed dry.

She didn't reply for some moments and then she sighed.

"I am sorry too, Sourya, I shouldn't have yelled at you" she said.

She took my hand in her hand, I looked up and she was wiping her tears with the other hand.

"After Anik died, I had no friend. Mrs.Bakshi is here but I can't share everything with her, so I had this notebook" she pointed towards the notebook, "My only friend here but after some time it seemed meaningless, I was talking with something not someone. I had my story to tell but it didn't have a story to tell me. But then you came, I didn't thought you would mean so much to me. But you are the only friend I have, and it may sound selfish but I don't want to lose you too"

I kept my other hand on our hand, enveloping her hand with mine.

"I won't. I didn't had a friend back then to talk me out of my stupidity but now I have you. And if things get rough you have to be there for me, you owe me that" I said, smiling.

Eventually we stopped holding hands and things got awkward. She stayed there until it was time for lunch and checkup.

"I have something to give you, a gift of sorts" she told me as she was leaving the room.

"Okay" I flashed my teeth, "And when will I get that?"

"Before we leave" she replied and closed the door.