Before We Leave

Chapter Twenty One

The road was all the same, the feelings inside me the same. The last time I drove in that road was the evening I tried to end my life after the person I loved left me and I was driving after almost a year when the person I fell in love with all my heart was leaving, forever.

I passed through the same turn, carefully keeping my emotions and the steering wheel in check. I was driving the car my mom bought second hand from a co-worker. And even though she tried to come with me, I insisted almosted pleaded her to let me go alone.
The hospital was near, the person in there was leaving me and never coming back. I had this deep pain inside me that was eating me completely. I felt numb, the tears raining down in torrents. The person who taught me to live was dying and there was nothing I could do to save her.

After finishing the letter I went on the internet and read about ways to save her, unfortunately there were none. Most people with the disease don't make it out of their teenage and Devi was no different. I kept on cryinf, burying my face in the pillow until I felt empty, empty of every emotions. I knew she must be back in the hospital and I knew I had to meet her but what after that? For that I had no plan.

The hospital was near, the emotions building up inside me. I wiped my tears, I needed to be strong. I parked the car and slowly took my steps towards the main door. I passed the lawn, the reception and kept on walking. I knew which room she was in, she must be in her favourite room, the room I was given during my stay.

The air was cold, the lights in the corridor seemed brighter than usual. The nurses were providing evening snacks to some patients.  I kept on walking, wondering if the corridor was longer than before. I finally reached her door. I gathered myself, wiping away some tears and gently knocked on her door.

"Come in!" Her voice made me tear up inside. But surprisingly her voice sounded the same cheerful.

I opened the door, she was lying on the bed, an IV drip attached to her, she seemed thinner and paler but her smile, her smile was all the same. She stared at me with her goofy eyes which soon started to tear up.

"You got my letter?" She asked her voice soft, as she sat up.
I nodded and walked up to the bed. I sat on the bed, facing her. An infinity passed in silence as we stared at each other, both of us trying our best to hold our emotions. Until finally, she took my hand in hers.

And then she finally broke down, taking my hand upto her face. I tried to stay strong but I couldn't. Tears rolled down from my eyes and even though I tried to stop I couldn't. The void of sadness inside me taking over myself.

"I am sorry" I blurted out.

She look at me, her eyes wet.

"I love you Devi" I finally confessed my feelings to her.

She remained silent and wiped her tears.

"I love you Devi, I love you and I am sorry if I am late but you are still here and I am here and I don't wanna run away. That night when we kissed I had the same thoughts about Mitra like you had about Anik and that is why I pulled away. But I realized Devi that I love you with all my heart" I told her, my voice shaky.

"But..." Devi stopped midway.

She wasn't looking at me anymore, she was looking down at her blanket.

"But I am dying Sourya" she said, her voice barely audible.

I pulled my hand away from her hand and held her face. I knew I had to do it so I leaned my face into hers, our lips meeting each other. We kissed and I realized there was no more of Mitra inside of me. It ws just this moment, me, Devi, the hospital bed.

"I love you too Sourya" she stopped to confess her feelings.

I held her in my arms, she was smiling and even though we both knew the end of us, at that moment nothing else mattered. We were there. We talked and we cried, we confessed and we kissed. We were living at that moment.

Devi told me that I have to take permission from the authorities to stay the night and so I went to do so. I got the permission easily because now everyone knew that Devi is related to the president of the hospital.

When I came back, I saw Devi turned off all the lights except the reading lamp on the bedside. Somehow it felt like the first night she came into my room. Only this time I was the intruder and this room was hers.

"Will you promise me something?" She asked.

"I promise" I said without thinking.

She chuckled and said, "Listen first. Promise me you will live and you will take all my notebooks and read them and live all the things I dreamt of living. Please?"

"Of course I will. I would be honoured" I sat on the bed, her hand on mine.

She looked at me and then into the window on the left.

, "Can you open the window for me?" She asked.

"But its cold outside" I said.

"Please, I request you" she said, her voice shaky.

I agreed and went to the window to open it. Cold winter winds invaded into the room. I stood there feeling it on my face.

"You know I always thought I could beat this disease. I would come back after every 6 months or so and I could see the fireflies and I would keep on fighting" her voice was shaky, her eyes teary.

I came near the bed and lied down beside her. I held her in my arms and she broke down in tears.

"But I knew someday I have to die and my dying wish was to breathe my last in this bed while I watch the fireflies, but now its winter and there are no fireflies. I am not going to get my dying wish" she managed to say in between sobs.

She came in my life when winter was about to leave and now winter is back again. Devi, who taught me to live was dying and I was helpless. Another cold wind blew into our room. I wondered if spring was ever returning in my life if Devi is gone.

She cried the whole night in my arms and I prayed to God for spring to come soon and the fireflies to come. It was a quarter past midnight when I noticed a single tiny ball of light making its way into the room.

I told Devi and we saw a single firefly flying into our room.