1697 Words
I'm awake. I'm always awake. It's 4:30 AM and I have to wake up for school in just 3 hours. I'll then most likely take a nap when school is over, thus perpetually eating up my valuable work time. I've got so much shit to do.
The alarm blares, I get up, I get dressed, I eat, I brush my teeth and I swoop my bag into my shoulders and leave. School is only a 5-10min bike ride away. As a rather pessimistic person who doesn't care about most simple things, many seem to believe I cannot appreciate them. As I'm wizzing down the roads, I always take a moment to soak in the nature. When I pass by Nockley Lane, the side of the road is completely open to acres and acres of golden farmland. Beautiful greens in the hills behind, lay submissive to the morning shard of light that climbs its way afoot. It leaves an almost similarly blinding glisten on the due on the crystal grass. The wind whips past my face as the sun engulfs me with its enthusiastic warmth. Despite being the minority, there are times where being awake is worth it. The isolation of biking down Nockley Lane is one of them.
A moment that does not bring me joy when I'm awake is school. As I enter the front doors of the building, before I can process the racket of chattering, I can already sense the disingenuousness of teenhood. All the lies, the conspiring and the connivance is more deafening than any sound. Oh well, at least my friends are cool.
"Hey Mars" says my best friend Alexandria who is leaning against our lockers, yes I know. My name is Mars.
"Hey Alex, what's our first class?" I ask dull and tiresomely.
"Physics" she replies with a smug grin that sort of fit her dark aesthetic. She knew how much I hated physics.
"Oh wow, I just legitimately contemplated suicide!" I exclaimed with enthusiasm but ironically.
"I wish you would" she replied, rolling her eyes.
We are in physics class, and it has only been 4 minutes and 21 seconds and I am still struggling to stay awake. Seriously?! Did I suffer some genetic disorder as a child? Teen-onset nocturnalism? The concept of impulse equations can put me out like a light, but not sitting in total darkness in my own bed. Because, in the latter, my mind is finally allowed space, a period of time where it can race ahead and think for once. When my mind is fixated on velocity-time graphs it doesn't relate with my personal thoughts, so it sees no need to stay fucking conscious.
But... I suppose there's one thing I can consistently focus on without loosing interest. One concept that remains illustrious in my mind, penetrating its firewalls. That is, of course, boys. Not all of them of course, but the nice ones, the tall ones, the buff ones and the cool ones. Yet also the mean ones, the small ones, the skinny ones and the nerdy ones. I constantly find myself in an everlasting state of yearning for boys who don't exist. Ones that I imagine, ones that are inspired by Marco.
I can still feel the heat beaming against my face as it did the water on the ocean, twinkling it's waves like the stars that appeared the very same night. I can still feel the heat from the beaming Portuguese sun slapping me on my face and my body, coating me in a soft caramel glow. But no one wore it better than Marco. I remember that every time my family and I left the villa in our shorts and sandals I'd be thinking about him. Making sure I look good in my glasses, that my hair was well done, hoping that he'd be at the beach today just like he was every other day of this blissful summer holiday. Genuine happiness was difficult to come by, he handed it to me on a golden platter. I remember how I would show up and hastily but discretely try and deter from my family at the beach and run to the steps carved into the cliff side that encased the bay. At the top there was a concave enclosure in the side of the cliff where you could jump into the sea from. I was always too scared but I could just sit there and watch Marco effortlessly launch himself down 15 metres, without a care in the world. His freedom was admirable, I was envious, but addicted. I remember on the last day, I walked up to the enclosure and saw him laughing with all his cool, hot Portuguese friends, it was the last day I was there, I told him, and I'll never forget what happened thereafter. He stood directly in front of me, almost all my vision was encompassed by his face, and the beauty thereof. He looked at me straight in the eyes, alive and bright. The freckles on his nose and cheeks moved as the corners of his mouth formed a smile so elegant I felt it's power just like I did the sun that was illuminating it. His golden brown eyes pierced my heart, leaving new holes every time he blinked with those long deep black eyelashes. His middle-parted raven hair with strong red undertones fluttered past either side of his face in the gentle heat breeze. Consequently, mine was blown onto my forehead and slightly over my eyes, however I was paralysed. He bit his lip and exhaled the smallest and sweetest chuckle. His right hand rose from the side of his toned thigh to my face, as his arm contracted I could see his naturally built bicep grow, he was so tender, so fierce but so gentle and soft. His smile sustained as the light, smooth touch of his fingertips against my forehead, slid upwards, pushing the hair out of my eyes. So fixated on his touch, his face and his aura I almost flinched when he took my left hand into his, grasping it tightly, but with care.
"Hold my hands, we will jump together".
Naturally I was opposed to the idea but I could barely form a sentence. It didn't help when he brought himself even closer to me, our noses millimetres apart.
"Freedom", he whispered sensually. Was this encouragement, or a salute. That we'd be free of our summer entanglement, a final jump to say our goodbyes, but how much we loved it at the same time. Any longer and freedom would become loss.
I can still remember the fear as I was falling, how I felt so rebellious disregarding gravity, yet obeying it so strongly. Every time I recall this fear it is shattered by the feeling of his hand, clenched with mine. We did not fall, but the world rose to the both of our feet, together. I remember the second my feet touched the water and the adrenaline of relief I felt as I swam to the surface. I let out a scream of joy, empowerment and fulfilment, one that Marco knew all too well. Shredding the water, he turned to me and said,
"You feel this? The feeling of you first jump, this euphoria?" With a blasting smile on his face he swam up close to me, put one hand behind my head and said,
"Take this jump with me". He then kissed me. I could taste the salt from the water on his lips but I didn't care. Simply nothing in this world mattered anymore in that moment in time. He was right, freedom.
I still remember this all, and it can play over and over in my head whilst I'm stupidly awake in physics first period.
***
Lunch time it is. I go and sit with the usual gang. It's cold, wet, and there's a slight smell that I suppose is obligatory with any school canteen. Once again my mind is racing, thoughts pacing. I wish I didn't concern myself with things so trivial such as school drama but then again I wasn't made for this world, a world where we numb down our thoughts to fit it. A world where we slow our thinking to deal with problems others caused us. I'm not creative, I'm a lover. Or am I just a narcissist, thinking about how I wish I could think more about my own thoughts?... yea ok that was a hole load of bullshit lolll.
"Earth to Marssss" says Alex profusely waving a hand in front of my face, clearly I had zoned out; an often occurrence.
"What a catastrophe that would be" giggled Sarina.
'Real original there Sarina'...
"So, first party of the semester at Jack's tonight" says Sarina tauntingly, breaking the silence.
"Oooo, send me the addy" replies Alex, rubbing her chin, mocking the way those stereotypical straight boys do when they're hitting on a girl.
"Mars u coming? I think Michael's going" Says Sarina, just barely looking away from her phone as she rapidly texts Alex Jack's address. Michael is this new kid this year who I met at the summer fair at the end of last year who I immediately fell for. But... with all the personal shit that's been going on this year and where my head's at, I'm not sure if it's healthy if I start a relationship with someone that I can't no for sure wity be stable. Plus, he's no Marco ;)
"Oh my gooooooddddd, enough with this Marco guy" exclaims Alex.
"Are we eve sure he exists?" Asks Sarina bitchily.
I laughed and rolled my eyes
"Come on, your telling me 2 weeks of seeing him and you didn't take 1 selfie" continues sarina.
"Ok, I was just caught up in-"
"Yes yes, caught up in his beauty that you simply forgot technology even existed. Listen Mars, if you really didn't get his snap or something then you can't get hung up on him like this. Just try things with Michael, it'll be fun to flirt with him at the party just a bit."
She was right. And Michael was lovely.
A/N this is the first part of a long series I'm doing on this OneShot book just because I feel too pressured to care enough to put it into its own book. However upon finishing it, if I think it deserves it, I will make it its own book. Love triangles and tragedy await...
