Jurisdiction • Nasnika

XXX.

Jungle in multimedia

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Nicki,

The bags under my eyes made me look like a raccoon  in the middle of the night. Sleep didn't know me anymore. I can't even remember the last time I had a good night's rest. Sleep where I didn't close my eyes worrying about someone or toss and turn.

Yesterday when Nasir took the fall for me and basically gave up everything, I've been a complete mess and Jungle blaming me for it only made me feel even worse. I would've liked to believe that none of this was my fault, but how could I not? Ever since I laid down with Nasir our lives have gone to shit.

It isn't your fault. That's something I've had to repeat to myself for the past two months. Nasir told me to pursue my dreams and live the life I dreamed of. I'll try to do that, no scratch that, I will do that.

My conscience persuaded me to roll over and just fall back to sleep. I was almost there until my phone rang. I sluggishly picked up my phone and answered.

"Hello."

"Onika?" I scrunched up in utter confusion with Kendra on the other end whispering my name. What the hell is going on?

"Kendra, why are you whispering? Is everything okay?"

"Girl, yes I'm fine. I just wanted to call and check up on you after yesterday. Jungle doesn't know I'm calling you." Kendra explained.

My inner self laughed at Jungle attempting to turn my best friend against me. I thought that yesterday emotions were just high and everyone was dealing with it in their own way so I took Jungle's words and swallowed them, but it seems that there are bigger underlying issues.

"Really Kendra? You have to sneak and call me now?"

"Yes bitch!" Kendra blurted out a little too loudly and followed it with a moment of silence possibly checking to see if Jungle had heard her.

"Look Jabari is mad right now, he won't be for long, but you know how it is. I play the part of the supporting girlfriend to boost his ego." Kendra explained and I exhaled slightly because I completely understood what she was doing.

I mean, men did it all the time for us. Acting like whatever emotions we were feeling at the time mattered even though they didn't agree or care the least to actually understand our point of view. Kendra was my best friend. We have weathered through heavier storms than the ones we're currently in, so her being a good girlfriend shouldn't hurt me.

"Do whatever you have to do, Kendra. Love you." I said before voluntarily hanging up the phone. It seemed everyone around me was just drifting away one by one and it all seemed to be my fault. If I hadn't been so damn eager to prove a point to Jaydon that I wasn't scared of him then maybe I wouldn't have even been at his damn house. Now look at me: rotting away with my man behind bars because he cares more about not seeing me suffer than his career, my best friend has to sneak around just to speak to me. Why did I always have to make life so hard?

My conscience rambled with answers to my question as I lay in bed. Something in me made a boost of energy come over me. All day, I hadn't felt like moving, but for some reason my body wanted me out of the bed and doing something.