Hard to get? //Luke Hemmings #Watty2015

Chapter 38

My mind is going ballistic with all these thoughts going through my head. I don’t have answers to any of my thoughts besides the fact Demi has a child.

A child that may or may not be mine.

What can I do? I don’t even know.

I can’t go find the child and be her father without Demi even being awake. Demi is still unconscious and I can’t tell this child I’m her father when I might not be.

All I feel is pure confusion. I don’t understand what’s going on, and I defiantly can’t get my head around the fact her name is Lucy.

To everyone else, it’s just a name, something that identifies us throughout our life as it’s not something you can easily change like your hair or style. But her name wasn’t chosen because Demi just liked it, well I assume that was a factor otherwise she wouldn’t have named her Lucy, but it’s because of me.

I know Demi wouldn’t have forgotten that she used that name, because I know how many times she said it and that it was my name on her phone, so she must have done it on purpose.

It’s strange to be so caught up with a name when there are so many other things I should be occupying my thoughts with, but it just questions everything. Surely she must have named her after my code name because of me, so does that mean I’m the father?

I guess I’m not sure. I will just have to wait till she wakes up.

Now I try to possible distract myself from freaking out that I might be Lucy’s dad. Fuck that sounds so strange! And then I’m at it again, thinking about the cute beautiful child showing her sleeping mother her colouring work.

I’d barely looked at the child for mere moments and was trying to find my features to tie me to her. It’s strange that I want to be. But when I think back, I may be wrong.

Her nose may be slightly similar to mine, and her hair blonde, and her eyes with a tint of blue, but Joe is right, that doesn’t mean I share half of her DNA with Demi.

Lucy’s hair is a darker blonde than mine, which could mean she got that from Dean because he’s a darker blonde, or a mixture of Demi’s brown hair and my lighter more golden blonde.

Lucy’s eyes are hazel with ring of light blue and specks of brighter blue between the hazel colour, could be a mixture of Dean’s deep blue eyes and Demi’s hazel ones, or my brighter ones mixed with hers.

Lucy’s lips are almost identical to Demi’s and they both share a spot below their right eye, but nothing completely defines either mine or Dean.

The child is young and I guess she’s too young to tell completely whether he father is me, Dean or even God! She’s too young to pick up a mic and guitar or kick a ball and strangle someone, so we can’t define her father from that either.

Why can’t the child just look exactly like me or Dean so we could tell instead of this constant questioning I’m having?

It doesn’t help that Demi’s not awake. If she was, I could ask her my unanswered questions and stop this whole whirlwind of emotions, but she’s not and it adds another reason onto the very long list of reasons for her to wake up.

It complicates everything and part of me wishes I’d never paid for the plane tickets over here for Joe. If I’d not found out, I’d have found out when Demi was awake to tell me everything, but I’m not even sure if Demi would have told me.

Don’t get me wrong, I trust her more than anything, but why didn’t she tell me before? I know she promised to stay so she must have known I’d find out, so she might have wanted to wait till we get back to Sydney to tell me.