Break The Rules But Be Smart About It: The Second Quarter quell

chapter fifteen

Chapter 15

5:30 am

Effie, the spoiled brat, Effie, the only one who even had the guts to talk to me, Effie... Effie isn't a capitol monster or programmed to speak a certain way (I think); she's not trying to get me to put a show on or to make her a couple of more bucks, truly she probably wants to help Me, talk to Me. Maybe she could get me out of this situation I am in...get me normal, or explain to everyone that what they're doing to me is not indeed normal.

Effie's eyes are locked with mines oddly, and she turns ahead a couple of times because I am delaying an answer (that's probably why). I say to Her, "oh, you...Effie?" She replies, "yes, Haymitch? Did you hear me? The capital isn't happy with you! Wake up, please." I reply, "Effie, it's you... it's you...thank god it's you...never thought I would say that, but!" She might strangle me now, but Effie replies, "Haymitch, I'm warning you after the next few days, life isn't going to be pretty...stop complaining about me, out of all the things you could have said, you said that-" I say back to her cutting her voice off "well sweetie my life after the games were never supposed to be pretty ok- and don't complain on what I say t you, gosh I could've called you ugly remember" I add "I'm sorry it is just... nothing is going to be the same, and I am starting to realize it"... she looks at me and says "you could have, but you didn't... I understand I guess Haymitch but get some rest, alma and the prep team should be coming soon" she smiles at me and I attempt to lift my arm but wait- I can't. My arms are strapped down to the bed, and my legs are too. I attempt to leash them out, but the straps just string my arms the more I try. Effie says, "Haymitch, calm down. These are only to help you.. remember, you have had some panic attacks. These are just to help you".. Panic attacks? Have I gone truly insane... have I gone nuts? What have they done to me? I am an animal, strapped down to a bed and no visitors. Is this what the after games are going to look like? Did I strap down, trying to recuperate? And now Effie, she's turning against me. She was never for me, but I wasn't expecting this. I say back to Her, "you're on their side. You want to keep me a mutt to them! These are not to help me, Effie! These are to keep me in their hands!!!" She replies, "Haymitch, no! I want to help you, and I want to keep myself safe" I reply "why would I hurt you" her eyes unlock with mines, she tucks her hair behind her ears, Effie stands up and looks at me, she says "Haymitch get some rest."

I continue wagging my arms and legs up and down, and my wrist and ankles begin to bleed from the shock the bands create. I say under my breath, "no...NOO" I continue to wag up and down. Like a child throwing a tantrum.

The ticking, the walls are caving in, the panic all return to me. I'm sweating and screaming "NOOO" over and over and over. Effie has a frightening face. I look and say, "I'M FINE EFFIE I'M FINE—" I cut my word off because I can feel the walls closing in and the oxygen leaving the room. I hear the ticking a hundred miles an hour replaying in my head over and over again. Effie says, "Haymitch, are you okay? " my eyes filled with tears, a bed full of blood, my swollen face, sweat dripping from head to toe, I lift my head, and with tears and blood flying out of my mouth, I say back to her screaming "DO I LOOK OKAY? DO I LOOK FINE TO YOU! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT NOW, I DONT! WHY DOES EVERYONE ASK ME THAT NO I AM NOT OKAY AND I WILL NEVER BE OKAY I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND I KILLED MY BROTHER I KILLED MY SISTERS I KILLED MY FAMILY AND HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY. I AM NOT OKAY EFFIE THE ANSWER IS NO. I AM NOT OKAY. "

Do I? Of course, I am not okay! I am a mutt, a capitol mutt.

I can only imagine doing to make me better is to be in a dark room with silence and not all this racketing of clocks and screams. Screams. Gran's voice replays in my head, Faunas high pitched scream as well. "fauna," I say to myself. "Fauna," I look back at Effie as my heavy breathing continues. Effie looks at me, and she says, "yes, Fauna was from your district," I say back to her while the tears pour down my cheeks "keyword Effie... was!" I fright Effie, and as she walks around, she trips over her foot, and she covers her mouth with her hand, and tears fall her face.