The Quest for Fireworks

Wicked Games

    What am I doing here? My eyes have adjusted and the realization of where I am hits me like a brick. Laying on my back, I turn my head slightly to the left and see her. Still sleeping. Naked. Her brown hair splayed wildly across the pillow. I feel the blanket against my bare skin and quickly roll out of bed to find my clothes and cover my embarrassment.
    In the bathroom, I splash water on my face to wash away the shame. There's a tiny, subconscious part of me that lets go of a few butterflies in my stomach that make me smile for a split second. Then reality strikes and I remember who she is. Who I am. This is something that wasn't supposed to happen. This is something that, likely, will never happen again. Possibly, this is the event that causes my next breakdown.
    I pull the hair tie out of my messy, wavy, dyed-red hair and smooth it as much as possible before putting it back up on top of my head. I've never done this before. What's the protocol? Do I just leave or wait for her to wake up? If the latter, do I get back in the bed or wait on the couch? If she was someone different, someone more attainable, I'd make breakfast and coffee and kiss her when she finally came into the kitchen. But she's not and I know what this is.
    I make a gut decision to just grab my things and leave. My plan is foiled when I creep back into the room to get my phone and keys and she's awake. She smiles a lazy smile and rubs her eyes.
    "Well, hello," Dakota says.
    "Hey," I say back, surprising myself with how cool and calm I sound.
    "You stayed," she says, rolling away from me, sitting up and putting on a shirt. I look away, I can't look at her skin anymore.
    "Uh, yeah I'm sorry," I say, clumsily grabbing my things. We didn't discuss if I was sleeping over since she fell asleep right after climaxing but I was drunk as shit anyway. No way I was leaving my car on a street in Philly to take an Uber back to Jersey.
    "No, it's fine," she says. And that's all. Not "I wanted you to stay" or "I'm glad you did".
    "Mmm, ok. Well, I'll talk to you later, I gotta get home." I don't make eye contact, I don't even put my shoes on, I just grab them and run for the door. I vaguely hear her saying something that might resemble "bye" but my brain is rushing too much to be able to hear.
    I run outside, get in my car and immediately cry. I have to pull myself together, start the car and pull away. I can't do this forty minute drive alone so I put my phone in the dash mount and FaceTime my best friend Riley.
    I realize it's 7:40 in the morning and I'm not expecting her to answer but thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.
    "Really, Avery," I can tell by her face she's getting ready to give me shit for waking her up but when she sees mine her eyes go wide and she immediately asks what's wrong.
    "I slept with Dakota," I practically scream.
    "Wait, what? Oh my god, is that what you're doing right now, leaving her house?"
    I just nod my head twice, keeping my eyes on the ridiculous city traffic.
    "Jesus, so why are you crying?" She knows how I feel about Dakota, she's all I talk about.
    "Because you know it didn't mean shit to her. I wasted my first one night stand with someone who has a million of them." I can feel myself spiraling as I talk about it.
    "Just think of it as an experience," Riley says. I glare into the phone. "You know you always say you want to do things you wouldn't normally do. Well, mark this as done."
    "Which sounds great," I say, trying to merge onto a bridge. Seriously, I hate the city. "But you know me and you know my mental health is shit and this is probably going to destroy me."
    "No, we won't let it," and she's not saying it in an ignorant "just be happy" kind of way. She means it. Riley will run out to the edge of the cliff and pull me back herself, no matter what it takes. She always has.
    "What did Dakota say this morning?"
    "She said 'oh you stayed over' to which I said yeah sorry and she said 'it's fine' and then I left."
    Riley doesn't say anything for a second too long.
"Well, when she texts you later just act normal and we'll take it from there."
    "Yeah, if she texts me. I don't even know how the sex was, I was plastered."
    "You got drunk and had a one night stand? If you weren't so upset I'd be majorly proud of you, Ave."
    "Please shut up," I say, finally smiling. She has that effect on me. "What did you do last night?" I ask.
    Riley goes on about some bar she went too with whatever guy but my thoughts get the best of me. I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason but right now, I can't figure out what good could possibly come from this.

    I make it home and crash into the couch. Ellie, my poor dog, runs out of the bedroom and attacks my face with licks. She was so good, not one accident. I force myself off the couch to let her outside. I grab my phone to put it on the charger and notice a text. From Dakota. "Glad you stayed, I had a lot of fun...I think" with a tongue-out emoji.
    A war starts in my head. I want to be excited she texted me but I know this is probably what she says to everyone the next day. I decide to let it stew. I let the dog back in and find my place back on the couch, settling in for at least a two hour nap.
    Three hours later I wake up to a knock on the door. It's Riley with lunch.
    "You're an angel," I say, letting her in the front door.
    "I know," she chimes. "But, this good deed comes with a price." She sets down the bags of food and spins around to face me. "Spill."
    I slump into a chair and start recounting the events that led to my dumbest decision. How Dakota and I had agreed to hang out and drink about our mutually failing love lives. How she invited two of her other friends over and I overheard her telling them I wasn't going home before she ever said anything to me. All the way to the text I got three hours ago.
    "Well, what did you text back?" Riley asks, taking the sandwiches out of the bag and handing me one.
    "Nothing, I took a nap. I couldn't deal with it on a hangover and five hours of sleep."
    Riley places her hand out, palm up. "Gimme."
I give her my phone. She's replied to so many texts for me over the years, and I'm grateful. I may be a writer for one of the most popular pop culture websites but when it comes to my own life, I can't ever think of the right thing to say.
    Riley starts typing and four seconds later she turns the phone towards me for approval. The reply says "too bad you don't remember since it will never happen again".
    "That's good," I say around a bite of food. "Send it."
    She taps the screen again and puts my phone down face up between us so we can see immediately when (if) a reply comes.
    Riley starts unwrapping her sandwich. "Ok, on to more important business. I have everything set up and ready for your birthday bar crawl next weekend."
    I roll my eyes. "It's not a bar crawl, we're literally going two places. I don't want anything big and extravagant."
    She waves a hand at me. "Whatever, bar crawl sounds better. And you're a Leo, of course you want big and extravagant."
    I start to protest, to explain that I'm the least like a Leo but she cuts me off. "Anyway, both places are ready for us and I set up the Facebook event."
    "Wow, Facebook? This is a prestigious occasion," I say, widening my eyes sarcastically.
    "Don't use your big writer words with me. It's the easiest way to get everyone in the same place."
    I smile and nod, taking another bite. "Who did you invite?"
    "All the usuals," she says, as if it's obvious.
    "Dakota?"
    Riley looks at me, annoyed. "Yeah, against my best judgement."
    I try to keep my face neutral, like I could care less either way when I say, "did she say she's going?"
    Riley picks up her phone and taps a few times. "She hasn't RSVP'd at all."
    My heart drops a little but I keep the disappointment inside. I shrug my shoulders and continue eating.
    "I did invite Corinne though."
    Bread gets caught in my throat and my eyes instantly tear up. I swallow hard and feel it scratch its way to my stomach before coughing uncontrollably. Riley stands up, walks to the fridge and returns with a bottle of water so quickly I don't even notice she left. I take a few sips and breathe in through my nose. I put the bottle on the table, look at her and calmly say, "why the hell would you do that?"
    "I like her," she says, hands up, palms facing me. "I know things got weird with you two but she's nice and fun."
    "And a total fuckboy," I say, cutting off whatever other compliments were about to come out of her mouth.
    "Well, yeah. There's that. But you're not looking for anything serious, remember? Your words. She's not serious at all."
    "She may be worse than Dakota," I say.
    Riley snorts. "They're probably really close in body count but Dakota is arrogant and rude. Corinne is at least nice to you."
    Corinne and I started talking a few months ago. We went to the same high school but never met. We hung out a few times, made out a few more but then she ghosted me. Just stopped answering my texts and while I was aware I wasn't entitled to a response, it just seemed disrespectful to me. She has texted me a few times recently, sending me new songs to listen to which was our thing, but we haven't seen each other in weeks.
    "She probably won't show up," I say.
    "She already RSVP'd 'going' in the event."
    My heart jumps and my ears get hot. "Great," I say, trying to sound displeased but failing.
    Riley smirks, clearly happy with my response. "So, Friday we go into the city for outfits. I'll treat you to your birthday dinner wherever you want to go. Then Saturday is the big day. I'll come here and get ready then we'll Uber to the first location."
    "You sound like the Secret Service coordinating the President's daily agenda."
    "Only the best for you, Madame President."