Broken

Chapter 19

When I awoke the next morning Taylor was gone. I was starting to believe I had dreamt the whole thing when I walked out of my room and saw him sitting at the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee with Zac and Jen.
"Morning," Jen said smiling nervously. She quickly mouthed "I'm sorry."
Taylor obviously hadn't mentioned that we'd spoken the night before.
"Morning," I said avoiding eye contact with everyone as I went to pour me a cup of coffee.
Jen was quickly at my side.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "He was supposed to be gone before you got up. I thought you'd have slept a lot longer."
"It's okay," I whispered back.
"You sure?" She asked.
I nodded and finished making my coffee and we joined the guys back at the table. I stared down at my coffee cup stirring the milk and sugar repeatedly.
"Good to see you Amelia," Taylor finally spoke. "Jen tells me you're doing well. Sorry to impose on you, I'm leaving after I finish this cup."
I glanced up meeting his eyes. Oh how they sparkled. I simply nodded in response. After all, what could I possibly say?
"How was work?" Jen asked me trying to break the tension, even though she didn't truly know just how thick it was.
"Good," I said.
"Which restaurant are you working at again?" Zac suddenly asked.
"Oh uh Angelo's on 108th," I replied.
"Quite a step up," he commented.
Jen shot him a dirty look.
"I - uh -" I stammered.
"I think what Zac means is that's a really nice place," Taylor jumped in. "We ate there when Nikki came up to visit Ike while we were staying here."
"How is Ike?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"He's doing really good," Tay said. "Him and Nikki are getting pretty serious."
"Don't they serve booze there?" Zac asked, reverting the subject back.
"Yes they do," I answered curtly.
"But you just got out of rehab," Zac pushed further despite being kicked under the table by Taylor. "Aren't you supposed to be avoiding shit like that? Aren't you tempted to drink and fall right back into your old patterns?"
"If you must know," I snarled, standing. "Alcohol wasn't my drug of choice. So no I'm not tempted to do anything. As always it was a pleasure to see you Zachary, but I've got homework to do so I think I'll finish my coffee in my room. Taylor, nice to see you too."
I took my coffee cup and headed to my room.
"Say your goodbyes," I heard Taylor tell Zac.
"But -" Zac said.
"No buts," I heard Taylor say before I closed the door behind me.
I set my coffee down on my nightstand and picked up my phone. I dialed my sponsors number.
"Hey this is Ruby you know what to do!" her voicemail answered.
"Ruby," I said after the beep. "It's Amelia. I really need to talk. Please call me back. I don't know if I can do this. This is just too hard."
I ended the call and realized I had been crying. I dried my eyes and cheeks then looked up and seen Taylor standing in the door.
"I'm sorry about Zac," he said.
"Zac's never liked me," I shrugged.
"He's an ass," he said. "Are you okay?"
"I've never been okay," I said. "You should probably go. Thank you again, Taylor."
He nodded and hugged me.
"I'm always here if you need me," he said.
"I know," I said. "I appreciate it, I really do. But being around you isn't helpful to me right now."
He sighed and gently kissed my lips before releasing me and walking out of the room.
I sat on my bed and heard Taylor and Zac leave the apartment. A few minutes later there was a knock on my bedroom door.
"Amelia?" I heard Jen ask. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," I said.
She opened the door and came and sat next to me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"No," I said shaking my head. "I'm sorry Jen, but I'm going to have to move out."
"What?" she asked. "Why?"
"Everytime Zac comes to see you it's going to be an issue," I said.
"Well I'll just go visit Zac at his hotel then or on the bus," she said.
"No," I said with a half smile. "You're not. Nor should you. This is your apartment. You shouldn't have to give up your time together or accommodate me. It's time I stood on my own two feet anyways."
"Are you sure you're ready for that?" she asked.
"No," I chuckled. "But I can always call and I have NA and my sponsor and school and work. But i can't go through that again. Seeing Taylor or having Zac grill me like that. I can't do it. You have no idea how badly I want to use right now. I can't let this hinder my progress. And I'm not strong enough to be around Taylor. I made him sleep in my bed last night."
Her eyes widened, "Did you guys -"
"Oh no," I said. "We didn't, we just slept. Which honestly I think was worse. He's too good of a guy, this isn't fair to him either."
She nodded, "I liked having you as a roomie again!"
"I know," I said. "I did too. But we can still see each other all the time."
"Just not when Zac is around," she sighed.
"Not for a while," I said. "It's too soon in my recovery."
She nodded again, "I understand. I'll just miss you."
"I'll miss you too," I said and hugged her.
We spent the next few days hunting down an apartment for me and two weeks later I moved into my own place again.
I was incredibly nervous about spending my first night alone since before I went into rehab.
Jen had offered to stay the night with me but I turned her down because I would still be scared the next night. I knew I would have to get it over with. My sponsor thought it was a great idea as well. Being around triggers is never a good thing when you're so early in your recovery.
Somehow, with the help of frequent phone calls to Ruby and Jen, I made it through that first night. And then the next night and the next night. And before I knew it, I was in my final year of school. I had finally done it. I had worked really hard towards getting a Bachelor's degree in Social Work/Abuse Counseling.
I was finally in a good place in my life. I still missed Taylor a lot but I hadn't spoken to him since that day he left Jen's apartment.
On my way to one of my classes I received a phone call from Jen.
"I have some news!" She cried excitedly.
"You and Zac are engaged?" I asked.
"Yes!!" She screamed. "How did you know?"
I laughed, "I could tell by your voice. I am so happy for you!"
"I want you to be my maid of honor!" she announced. "If that's not too weird I mean? I know it'll be hard with Zac's family being there but you're practically my sister and I couldn't imagine anyone else being my maid of honor, but if it's too hard I'll completely understand and I -"
"Jen!" I interrupted her rambling. "I'll do it! I couldn't imagine not being there for you on your special day!"
"Are you sure?" she cried. "I know how good you have been doing and I really don't want to pressure you or make it uncomfortable for you?"
"Honestly," I said. "I would love to do it. I'm not in that place any more. I knew you two would be getting married eventually. I've been mentally preparing myself for this day."
She laughed, "Oh I'm so happy! Thank you so much! I'll come over when Zac leaves town so we can start planning!"
We hung up and I sat down on a bench outside of the school. I was going to have to see Taylor again. I had told Jen I was prepared but I really wasn't sure if I was. I still loved him very much, but I wanted to do this for Jen. I was so happy for her. I took a deep breath and stood up and headed to class. I had mid terms to worry about at that moment. The anxiety over seeing Taylor again would have to wait.

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AUTHORS NOTE

Getting towards the end. Will they or won't they? Guess we'll find out soon enough.
Hope you guys are liking this! But if not that's okay too lol I write more for me than anyone else. I've written so much without anyone ever reading it. It's nice to see I've had some reads though. :)