robert johnson's life

Chapter 1, Meet The Circus

Robert is a strange man. He's been working at Home Depot to support his family of 4 children and his husband. Being friends with Ezio Auditore da Firenze and Leonardo Da Vinci, Robert is a very smart man. Considering the fact he graduated from Harvard at the age on 6. He is about 2000 years old and has had multiple affairs with multiple men and women through the years. You may be wondering why Robert is so old, nobody knows. Robert is your typical 25 year old looking man. Nothing special about him. Robert is addicted to watching Shrek and might have also wrote Shrek x Reader fanfiction back in the day.

Robert's husband Mark is cheating on him but that is normal. Maybe Robert deserves this pain and suffering for all of the fucked up things he has done in his life. He totally didn't murder 20 people in the 1600s after they took a single crumb of bread from him. Robert has anger issues and might need a therapist. 

Robert's four children, John, Kenneth, Sarah, and Big Bird have a few children themselves. Well Robert most likely has multiple children he doesn't know about who might be dead, who knows if they can live forever like Robert. Robert's life goal is to make the perfect bloodline with no faults. Yet he seems to have an issue doing so. Some of his children are stupid an can't open the fucking front door. Robert's husband is currently pregnant with their 5th child together. 

Robert's son John is a construction worker. He builds houses for a living and has a child of his own. This grandchild who is named after Robert's old friend Leonardo Da Vinci. This grandchild write Shrek X Fiona smut but that's most likely the normalist thing anyone in this family has done.

Kenneth is dead sadly. He got exploded about 5 years ago while building a nuke in the backyard. He was always a curious soul. Now he is dead. But nobody knows that he is dead as Robert threw his body in the river when he died. That's about it, nothing else to say about Kenneth. 

Robert doesn't know what happened to Sarah, she left 3 years ago after discovering what Robert did to Kenneth's body. Well she found the body floating in the river. Sarah used to runaway from a young age since she "hated" Mark. Mark wasn't the best father to her and always favoured Big Bird over her. Well Mark did execute her wife. But that is another story for another time. Robert liked Sarah's wife though. The wife was also thrown in the river sadly. That's the family graveyard.

Big Bird was always the favorite child. Big Bird's head was always in the roof but that's fine. Big Bird was homeschooled as they are covered in feathers. That would look strange. But even though Big Bird wasn't perfect everyone still loved them. Big Bird doesn't like people romantically or sexually but the family respects that. Big Bird likes Spider-Man and aspires to get plastic surgery to look less like a bird. But Big Bird can fly so Robert doesn't know why they would want to become Spider-Man when they can fly. Big Bird already has a Spider-Man suit so Robert has to respect their wishes. 

Like said, Robert is your average American father living in the suburbs with his 2 alive children and his cheating husband Mark. Nothing else, we promise. 

A/N: I don't know why we decided to write this but we will continue since we are bored teenagers who have no life.