Memories of The Rain

Finding The Why to Find The Way

I stare at clouds from the window, and my mind is floating away. Although my head is in the clouds, my gravity is centered on him.
I can't stop thinking about Jin Woo.

Nine months ago when I heard that he was unhealthy, both physically and mentally, I was so anxious. I dropped everything in Jeju and flew to LA for him. At that time, he existed. I can hear him, see him, touch him, feel him.

But now, his situation is extraordinary. Very extraordinary that I only understand half of the explanation and the rest is misery. He is alive and still existed, at least that's what my brother believes. But, he is in the parallel dimension.

"Jin Ah, you do remember a Hollywood movie, Interstellar, don't you? We watched it twice and thrice, more or less, Jin Woo is, existed in another dimension, like that, " Seung Ho says.

And as crazy as it sounds, there is a tiny probability that he is alive. Although hope kills, and grief will heal, I don't think that I can bear losing him.

Not like this. Not when he left me a clear message. Not when he carries my heart and dreams with him. Not when he is the dream.

So we might be close, but yet so far. Dear Jin Woo, could we even see the same clouds from where we are?

I still remember the first time I met him. I was pessimistic that the blind date set by my brother would turn more than a plus one for his wedding. Let alone that my date was technically married at that time.

But the heart wants what it wants and although we've been having the romance separated more than together, in every chance we meet, they were mostly filled with passion, mending the longing for each other of separation.

Though may look like just physical intimacy, but it's much more than that. I love the cuddling and pillow talk with him. And the peaceful morning when I wake up with the smells good coffee brewed by himself or the smell of bread toasted by my dear fiance.

Slow but sure, now we have reached the stage of a relationship where the wedding is the next step to take together.

Together. Him and I.

And here I am, without him.

"What was that?" Seung Ho asks, pulling me back to the present from floating between the clouds.

"What was what?" I'm caught up spacing out again and didn't focus on whatever he was talking about to me.

"What has got you so into him? He's good looking, rich and all, but he's so troubled. He can't even stand marriage commitment."

I take a deep breath and fix my eyes on him. I smack his head lightly, irritated by his question.

"Why are you, two friends? And from all of your friends, why did you choose to introduce us? At least you must have anticipated if a blind date turns further haven't you?"

I raise my left hand in front of his face and point at my finger.
"Look. I am his fiancee. We're engaged. What's the point of you asking that question? We weren't in his previous marriages so don't say as if they were all jokes for him and I'd be his next joke."

"No need to stern up, Noona. In many circumstances, I'd always be on your side. I was just asking. You have a thing for men who are friends with me."

Seung Ho earns another smack on the head. The nerve of him. I know that aside from Jin Woo, he was addressing Jun Hee, my ex-boyfriend.

"You're not pregnant yet are you?"

I slap his thighs this time, infuriated.

"Don't look at me like that. As if I would be surprised. I know you were sleeping with him. I just want to know what's at stake. You, or possibly a child as well, " he explains himself.