Unwilling To Hate You (MAJOR EDITING)

33

Camilla's POV

After a while, I had managed to drift off, but I couldn't shake the thought that even though I had apologised, and explained myself, I knew that an apology could never fix a hurt heart. It wasn't broken, it was wounded. And I couldn't fix that, until she forgave me, and that's not going to happen for a while. But I could wait a bit.

For her.

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Charlie POV

The night consisted of me thinking about what to do. And no matter how much I might regret doing it and how much I will struggle to leave it all behind, I had no other choice. I needed to leave. Move somewhere else. Anywhere else.

My final decision was New York, I had already asked the Boss whether there was somewhere I could transfer to and he booked me to move there today. Tonight even. So today was it.

I slowly got out of bed, trying not to disturb Camilla. I don't think I could cope having to explain myself to her. I couldn't say goodbye.

I rushed to the bathroom to get ready, I needed to leave as soon as possible. I just needed to get out of here. Once I had finished getting ready, I headed downstairs to tell one of the maids to pack my bags. I couldn't waste any time, I was scared that if I gave myself too much time then I would change my mind. I couldn't do that, not now.

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Half an hour later the same maid came back down the stairs with all of my belongings, except she wasn't alone. Camilla and Mum both came down the stairs, confusion written all over their faces. They were asking the maid non stop what's happening but when they saw me stood, waiting at the door, their faces fell.

"What are you doing?" Mum and Camilla both asked at the same time.

"I have to leave." I said.

"W-what, why?" Camilla stuttered out.

"I can't stay, there's too much here, I can't cope." I muttered. I wouldn't cave in now. I'd made the decision within a few hours and I can't back down.

"Where will you go?" Mum spoke up, patting Camilla's back as she started to cry.

"Anywhere." I said. I couldn't tell them that I was going to New York else they'd all come after me.

I walked out the house, not being able to look at them any longer. I told my driver to go to the prison before I got in the car, allowing the rain that plummeted down to smother me a little longer.

The traffic seemed to die down, as if it knew I was on a journey that would change my life forever. We arrived and I rushed into the prison. The officer took me straight through and sat me at a table, my leg bouncing in anticipation. After a few minutes he appeared through the door and nearly doubled back at the sight of me. His face lighting up with a smile.

Camilla,

Maybe being apart is our way of being together.

Because in the end, it was always you. I would always choose you. But if choosing you meant leaving myself behind, then I couldn't possibly do that again. I love you. I'll always love you. But I have to let you go, and you have to let me let you go.

Holding onto our love is the most powerful thing in the world for me, but it's also the most painful, and to know that at any given moment you could leave and find someone new? I can't let that happen.

By leaving you, in my wildest dreams you will always be mine, and I'm willing to accept you as a dream. The reality of it is deadly. I'm sorry, but we can't dive into something where we don't know whether we'll survive. Loving you is the death of me. I would have happily died for you, but loving someone shouldn't be about dying for them, it should be about living for them.

Letting you go is me living for you. Let me live, please let me live.

Charlie

"I have to leave for a while, but please find a way to get this to Camilla." I asked him, my eyes darting over the heads that occupied the visiting room, unwilling to let myself get emotional.

"I will. I promise I will." He said, offering me a slightly forced smile. "I'm sorry for everything."

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