Avengers x Reader Truth or Dare

Wade Wilson - Brother

A/n: ...... I'm sorry.... I took way too long of a hiatus. Believe it or not, I started writing these back in December, so let's hope that after all this, they're good! Yay! And Wade is your brother because I thought it would make more sense than your boyfriend. If you want me to do this for anyone else, tell me. If you want Wade as your boyfriend, I could do that, I just never pictured him like that. Anyway, if you actually read this, ur amazing, and yeeee

sabhaskjngbksahjvbsjkjabsgvhbsaGAEAJHLGb here we go. 

Some days, you wish to all of the gods in the universe, and the multiverse, and through the fourth wall, that you were an only child.

But someone just had to give you the most annoying brother throughout all the nine realms. Wade fucking Wilson. Deadpool. A chimichanga that was burnt, stepped on, then grew arms and legs and pretended to be a human by turning into a cannibal.

That was the best way to describe him, in your not so humble opinion. Or, on mornings like this, when he is incessantly smacking your head to attempt to get you up, a slutty mosquito in spandex who loves his toy unicorn too much.

"Wade, you little shit. If you do not stop hitting me I will cut off your ass and HAND IT TO YOU!" you say, squishing your pillow over your head. Unable to reach your head, you stupidly think wade gave up. Of course not.

He slaps your butt instead.

Faster than he can blink, you throw the knife under your pillow straight at his head, accompanied by a vicious stream of insults. The knife sinks into the centre of his forehead, like a unicorn horn of blood and steel.

"HEY! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!" he yells, ripping the knife from his skull and tossing it back at you, the wound already healing. You would feel slightly bad because you did know that it hurt slightly, but what has he done to you?

"EXIST BITCH!" you yell back, smacking him straight in the face with your pillow. "YOU HORNY ASS TWINK WITH A UNICORN FETISH DEAR THOR WHERE DO I BEGIN?"

Wade starts laughing, blocking your attempts to strike him with a memory foam pillow.

"And look at this shit; you BLED all over my BED you IMBECILE!"

"Well don't throw a knife at me!"

"Don't wake me up! I don't want to play your shitty games!"

"Y/nnnnnnnnn pleeeaaaaasseeee!"

"NO! Fuck off, Wade! I need my beauty sleep."

"Damn right you do!" He replies, and you punch him in the soft spot. "OW! You walked right into that!"

"Doesn't give you a right to act on it, you demented cockroach," you mumble, wiping at the blood on your nice, lovely f/c sheets that are now ruined. You scowl at your brother. Dickhead.

"And by the way, truth or dare is not a stupid game."

Your head shoots up immediately. "YOU DIDN'T SAY THE GAME WAS TRUTH OR DARE YOU BUTTPIMPLE!"

You leap out of bed, and immediately regret it, your head spinning slightly. And you also stepped on a pin and some daggers, but it's whatever. You may not have the same healing powers as your brother, but that serum shit they gave you made you into a living weapon. And with that, comes increased healing. You can break people with half a thought, and your powers seemed very similar to Hela's, so much so that Thor didn't trust you until you actually showed him what it was; just plain steel formed into swords, but something you had gotten so good at it that every blade was of fine make, and you weren't just making sharp pointy things anymore.