Treasure Fantasies | Treasure ✔

Jihoon | Forever

I kept hearing them over and over again. At first, I didn't block them out, but now, I couldn't block them out. They repeated the same thing throughout the day. The painful truth. The bitter reality of life. The curse of the inability to love me and be independent.

My voice was urging me to die.

I stood up and dragged my skinny yet heavy body to the mirror. Horror filled every remaining drop of my blood as I stared back at a ghostly dark figure. Its cheekbones were sunken and it had the darkest of dark circles. There was no fat left, just the skin tightly bound around odd-looking bones.

It took me a long while to realize that it wasn't another one of my hallucinations but my own wasted body. My black eyes were terrifyingly dim, almost invisible. A cloud of depression and weariness suddenly took over me. My last bit of hope, my last willingness to hold on, was burning away with the setting sun as darkness filled the room.

I laughed like a madwoman, pulling strands of my once blonde hair, though I wasn't sure if it was my natural hair colour. Everything was a haze, with no clarity even in the smallest of everyday chores anymore. I screamed and bellowed as the voices returned and the visions overpowered my rationality once again.

A happy girl played with her parents under the warm afternoon sun. Happiness, familial love, care, joy, all the positivity the works possessed floated in the air, reaching them along with the humid breeze. But suddenly the sun was swallowed by huge dark clouds, the sound of thunder echoing what seemed to be so far yet so near.

Blazing lightning bolts hit the parents, slowly transforming them into something monstrous. The terrified girl ran away, but not before long was she captured by giant, single-eyed cyclops, her toy falling out of her grip as the monsters swept her off the ground. Her screams were drowned under the raging storm before it all dissipated into another memory.

A girl hid in the corner of a library in a lame attempt to hide from the werewolves who called her ugly and despised her mere existence. Her huge glasses sat on her nose loosely, face adorned with pimples and acnes which, she believed, made her look outrageous. Never had the thought to appreciate the beauty of those dots crossed her mind, which was nothing but a void of pessimism.

The wolves hopped from one shelf to another, their powerful legs supporting their body and providing them with strength. The girl shivered as the wolves scraped the tables with their claws, she knew that she'd be at the receiving end of that treatment if they found her. A loud growl sounded behind her, causing her to jump, a shriek leaving her throat against her will. All the motion stopped, and now all their eyes were on her.

The now beautiful woman had finally found the love of her life. He, Park Jihoon, was the only light in her horrendous life. His smile was her everything, his monolids adding to his beauty, his soft lips on hers kissing her with love, passion and unexplainable delicacy. But like all the good things, this comes to an end too, and he pushes her out of the boat that was their life.

The woman struggled in the water, slowly drowning in the sea, experiencing a painful death while watching the man she loved so dearly be happy with someone else. He had broken all his promises but there was not even one ounce of guilt in those ethereal brown orbs which had lured her into falling for him.

It was impossible to block them out now. Sleeping pills, antidepressants, antipsychotics, nothing worked anymore.

"Die," the voice in her head commanded.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish between reality and hallucinations now. The voice in my head overruled all the goodness my heart head, brutally executing each cell that told me I was important.

"You are pathetic," it told me, and I had to agree, indeed I was disgraceful. I had wallowed in self-pity, pushing myself to my limits before breaking down completely. I couldn't stay strong when he left, I was weak. But now, it all didn't make sense anymore, my mind was too messed up to think clearly.

There was just one noteworthy thing now.

Death.

I stepped into the shower room and looked around. Blood was everywhere. Rusted knives sat here and there, several syringes helplessly lying around the basin. I looked at my hands. Scars adorned every part of it, some deep while others shallow, some closed and others open.

"I am worthless," I shivered at my emotionless, inhumane voice.

I crouched down, holding either end of the basin for support and gaping at the unfamiliar ghostly reflection in the broken mirror. I knew I didn't have even the slightest strength to hold on.

"I'll miss you Jihoon," I whispered the same thing I had whispered for these past few months. It was the only thing that had made sense, like a thin thread connecting me to reality to keep me from falling into eternal insanity.

I picked one of the rusted knives and cut my wrist. The familiar addictive sensation of pain returned, this time only more intense and pleasurable. A strangled sound left my mouth before I pulled out the knife. Everything turned blurry.

I saw Jihoon's vision for one last time before closing my eyes forever.