Someplace Like Home |n.j

31.

Nami's leaving today. Now, to be specific.

Hoseok offered to drive her to the airport sometime ago, so now we're on his car with Nami's luggage in the trunk.

"Any last words for our Namjoon?" Hoseok turned to look at to the two of us who were sitting in the backseat. I held her hand so tightly, even when I know she hates sweaty palms. I don't know when I can do this again.

"Not any that's for you to hear," Nami responded calmly. My stomach is in a knot, flipped over and under. I don't want us to ever reach the airport.

There's not enough time.

"Okay," Hoseok chuckled, "Then what about me? Will you miss me?" He already turned his head back towards the front, but kept his eyes on the rear view mirror.

"If you ask for it then it takes away the meaning," Nami tilted her head until it met my shoulder. I reach over to run my hand through her hair. I place a small kiss on her crown before resting my cheek on the top of her head.

I try to talk, anything, so that this little time that we have left doesn't go to waste. But nothing comes out. I look down and see Nami's eyes closed shut. She's just going to sleep through this? A sigh exits my mouth as my shoulders slump. I catch Hoseok looking at me pitifully from the edge of the mirror.

What do I do? I settle with one more kiss on her head before shutting my eyes too, opting for this screeching silence in the car.

***

"Okay lovebirds, wake up, we're here," Hoseok pats the head cushion of the seat next to him while Nami and I sit up, separating ourselves from eachother.

"Namjoon," Hoseok unlocks the car doors, "Come get the luggage out with me."

My stomach doesn't feel so good.

I peer out the window at the airport, then turn to look at Nami who was still stretching with a hand rubbing her eyes. I take her fingers away from her face hold her hand tightly.

"What?" She croaks out.

With a thick swallow, I lean in and take her lips into mine. A small sound erupts from Nami's mouth as she reacted and slowly responded. I let go of her hand and strangle her waist with my arms, lifting her up and pulling her onto my lap.

"Fuck, Nami," I nearly sob out as I kissed her aggressively, hands roaming around her entire body like I was trying to memorize every inch.

I don't want her to leave. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to go to work tonight knowing she won't show up, and I don't want to wake up tomorrow not seeing her laying next to me. And I know I don't want that the day after, or ever.

I know she needs to go, but I know I need her here with me. Maybe I'll get used to it, maybe eventually I won't turn around and be shocked to not find her there, but I don't want to. I want to miss her, I want to dwell on every word she's ever spoken, every kiss her lips have left on my skin, and every curve, every little mark on her body.

"I have to go," Nami whispered as her lips marked my neck, but I knew she was trying not to cry by the way her voice stayed trapped within her throat.

I hug her close and dig my face into her chest, breathing heavily as I tried to hold onto everything right this moment. Her voice, her scent, the touch of her body. There are too many things, I don't want to forget a single one, and I hate that I have to hold onto them. I hate that all I have will be memories. Why are humans so unable? Why can't I be at two places at the same time? One foot here and one foot wherever Nami decides to be.