Someplace Like Home |n.j

42.

It still pains me that we had to lose a family member for the rest of us to finally reunite.

We're together in the same room, but it doesn't look right. We're missing someone. I don't ever want to get used to it.

Mother's been nagging Geongmin about not having a boyfriend back in America. She really wants her to settle down there. It rubs me the wrong way. Is South Korea not good enough? What's so amazing about Americans?

"I told you, I don't have time for such a thing. The guys there are fine, but that's it. Just fine," She dismissed it with a wave and stuffs a spoonful of rice in her mouth. Even if there were good men in America, we both know that's not what she's looking for. She already knows who she wants, the only problem is that they don't want her. We try not to talk about it too much.

"You should be nagging Namjoon, not me. He's already starting to decay and yet I don't see a ring on his finger."

The disrespect really doesn't fade with age. But I suppose it's hard to look up to me with respect. I never tried to make it seem like I'm bigger or older.

Geongmin is a lot more enthusiastic these days while Mother and I can barely hang on, but I think she's just dealing with it in her own way. Maybe acting like this makes things easier for her. Not everybody can handle death head-on. I can understand, but Mother on the other hand has other thoughts. I get that too. We should be mourning right now.

"Your brother actually has a girlfriend,"

I look up from my bowl to my mother with wide eyes. There was no sign of spite or distaste in her tone.

"What?" Geongmin turns her head to look at me, equally shocked for the wrong reason.

I slump my shoulders. My mother's going to be that kind of person now. It's already happening. I've seen it before; a bitter person finally loses someone they actually treasure and it just completely breaks them down. Maybe it's because they've become so overwhelmed with grief that they don't have the energy to push anyone away. They can't even afford to be bitter anymore.

When the love of your life dies, some things just don't matter anymore. Things like your son being in love with a Japanese woman. Things like your daughter not using honorifics. Because he's gone. Nothing's worse than that.

"You should bring her home someday," Mother suggested with a smile so faint yet genuine.

"You want to see her?"

"If she makes you happy, then I do."

If Geongmin wasn't here I'd be crying into my lunch. Instead, I just freeze up and allow the tears to well up in my eyes.

I snap myself out of it and let out a cough, "I-uh, we can't see her either way. She's in Japan right now. She went back home. Temporarily," I added.

"Family matters?"

I guess you could say so, "Something like that."

"You have to show me your girlfriend. What's her name?" Geongmin, oblivious to the atmosphere of the room, tugged at my arm for answers.

"Nami, her name is Nami," I reach into my pocket for my phone. I don't mind seeing photos of her right now. I do any chance I get.

"Here," I swipe through my photo album and tap on the first one I see. We were at the cafe, sitting side by side as she worked on her computer. I simply rested on Nami's shoulder and listened to the music she played with the earbuds we shared. The whole experience was horrible for me. I was fighting back the temptation of kissing her just so she could focus. She had a deadline to catch up to. The most I could do was fumble with the hem of her shirt.