CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: GLASSES
My whole desire is to burn myself away.
-Hafez
Having a disability like Tourette's is hard.
A lot of people don't know the underlying conditions that come with it, they think it's people cursing without control or doing something vulgar. They don't see it as someone with tics that can be the smartest guy around. They don't know that ADHD, autistic tendencies and OCD and more affect people with Tourette's more than it doesn't.
In this regard, it's hard to connect with people.
The few times I've been asked, I used my glasses to describe it.
Because yeah, I have pretty shit eyesight and I need glasses.
Sometimes, I wear contacts so you can't tell I have bad eyesight and need glasses, but that doesn't mean I don't need them.
And still, some people don't even know glasses exist.
Most people don't believe I have bad eyesight, just because they've seen me when I'm wearing contacts instead of glasses. Others judge me for not being able to see correctly, or think I'm faking it so I get new glasses or more attention.
Sometimes people tell me how they wish they had my bad eyesight so they could get out of doing things, or wear the glasses.
But they don't know that sometimes, I can't work because I can't see. That without the glasses, I can't read a single page of my favorite book or see the face of someone I love. That my eyesight has nothing to do with my mood, or the way I feel, or my depression, that's it's all in my head like the glasses aren't a part of me too.
People like to tell me to try harder to see, or take vitamins so my eyesight gets better or maybe do yoga so I don't need the glasses anymore.
Having a twin, one who shares all my features, a lot of my habits, everything in life except my disability is a different kind of hard.
Because then I have to tell her how it feels, how self-aware I have to be about my mental state and the lack of control over my body.
Circe has never been able to fully understand what I mean.
That doesn't mean she doesn't try -my twin's a great listener.
Right now, for instance, is the first day of winter break and she's letting me rant to her.
She picked me up from my dorm and when we got home, after telling my parents more about Jasper and playing snow hockey with Triton, we're at the bottom of my cliff with her glaring at me from a rock she kicked the snow off of as I skate around.
I love ice skating and that paired with my recklessness led me to knowing how to do three kinds of flips on ice and dominate a hockey game.
"I don't know," I huff out, voice half muffled from my scarf -my entire family, save for my mom and Eris absolutely hate the cold. "He's like...perfect?"
"I could tell," Cece throws her hands up. "How is that a fucking problem?"
"Because I'm-" I growl. "-far from it, and a part of me feels guilty- -in Eden- -for some reason, like, he shouldn't be stuck with me. But I love him, so there's no way in fuck I'm giving him up."
She stays silent, letting me continue even as I skate faster before doing a few spins.
"I'm scared one day he'll wake up and realize I'm not the kind of guy he wants."
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Anomalies ✔
Romance"I am the textbook definition of in love with you." *** Castor Rex: He's snarky, quiet and mysterious. A secret keeper. He doesn't like his life to be on display. People avoid him, even if they respect him. Jasper Red: He's polite, nice and helpful...
