Until Embry Met Eli

chapter thirteen

It had been the longest most exhausting two weeks of my life. Eli and I have barely spoken. The only times we saw each other was during Creative Writing, not that there was much of an exchange to begin with.

Thanksgiving came and went, one that was particularly dreadful for myself. All I could think about was Eli, desperately wanting things to go back to the way they were only a few short weeks ago. But I knew that was unlikely to happen, especially considering Eli wasn't coming back to WPU once Christmas break arrived.

I hoped that Eli would reach out to me when he headed back to Maine for the recent holiday, and he did to my surprise, but only with one measly text. I didn't really know what to expect from him, but I assumed that was the most I was going to receive. I tried not to let myself be so angry, considering that I had been lying to him for a month or so. But I wasn't going to let go the fact that he had been lying to me too - for so much longer than that. But the circumstances of his mother made me feel guilty for even feeling any sort of anger, but I couldn't ignore the fact that Eli hid his decision in leaving school from the moment I met him.

There was only one week left before the end of the semester and that scared me. Only one more week to be in the same place as Eli until it wasn't the same anymore. I expected everything to fall back into place somehow, fast too. But my false hope failed me, and deep down I knew it would. Things between Eli and I were completely changed. But my love for him wasn't anything different; it was still undoubtedly true.

Although I didn't plan it out this way on purpose, I had seen more of Danny in the past few weeks than I had Eli. The two of us had a long discussion about our past relationship, unfolding the events that the two of us were still hung up about. Not wanting to truly bring them to light, I admitted all my lingering feelings for Danny, knowing that they weren't gone completely. It had taken me the entire semester and letting Danny kiss me to realize that they were still there, yet a part of me was thankful that I finally came to terms with it. It's only been making things worse with Eli, but now maybe I could make it all right between the three of us.

It felt weird to admit all of this specifically to Louise, especially after all the times that I insisted I wanted nothing to with her brother anymore. I eventually told her about Danny trying to kiss me for a second time and how there may be feelings left for him. Instead of completely coming at me, she let me truly try and figure things out with what I was feeling. She knew how much I loved Eli, and she did everything she could to try and help me through it all. But I knew at the end of the day, everything was for me to figure out; on my own and truthfully. I couldn't continue lying anymore, especially to Eli.

During all of this, I've been dreading returning to proof reading my short story for the sake of a breakdown. Every time I read the word "Grant," I think of Eli. The love between Grant and Grace was exactly what I felt between Eli and I. Which now made obvious sense. Just reading what I wrote hurt me even more. But for the sake of Professor Sutton and the chance at getting a scholarship, I managed to edit the entire story. And besides, even with everything going on, I know Eli would want me to complete it. If I didn't submit it, what was the point of it all?

I continued to wonder if Eli was still going to want to read it when it was complete, but I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't. Not now, anyways. I would even understand if he wanted to end this whole thing, which is where it seemed to be heading. I was the one who messed up, even if he did too. Whatever was gonna happened, I wished to continue to have some sort of hope.

I was thankful to have Louise on a day like today, one where I couldn't stop overplaying everything going on with Eli. She offered to be my distraction, both agreeing to go get coffee and drive around after classes until we decided not to anymore. Luckily work wasn't anything on my agenda for the day. I'm not sure I'd even be able to focus on the simplicity of my job with everything that's been clouding my mind as of recent. Although I've been meaning to show Louise Offbeat, I couldn't bare myself to go in there without Eli, let alone be reminded about our dates and how I wished I could revisit them. The last thing I wanted was to start crying in the middle of the coffee shop because I missed Eli's company.