My mon mon Forever..

Ω #21

Dear cammy,

So finally i hav reached home n da union with my siblings was overwhelming.everyone was so happy to c eachother haha it felt like v were yrs apart 4m each other rather dan jst a month.i got all da special treatment 4m dos losers n i got many suprises too.so snichy n sinkies hav decided to bring a bride for booboo n omg she is soooo cute but till she reaches here it will take time.all dat passport n stuff well its gud dat booboo has his own lols dat dude can travel or run away sumwhere else hahaha tho imagine a cat havin vacation by itself would b so kul bs da new bed v bought for him as a b day gift (details in previous chappy), he isnt sleepin in it sad rite?!?.v all talked with eachother de rest of de night cox next day v all had to study so snichy asked me cuddle n sleep with her n zulf got jelly cox she nvr asked him to lol well sammy my skul frnd has made a time table 4 me n boy is it a tough one. she wants me to keep my merit position intact or even raise it up a few bars idk wht i deserve to hav frnds lyk dat i mean i treat all of dem lyk not so important n they except it too but i hav told dem ahead not to expect 4m me cox i hav been through alot n iam not all rainbows n unicorns but times lyk des i feel vry bitchy chu noe not reply to any of der msg not callin or picking up der calls cox id feel lyk it n they 4giv me without even a blink of an eye.in da world i live i dont take ppl dat easily into my life or even if i do they r a total time pass 4 me. no feelin no nothin n they noe n except it.same was with sammy she tired to bfrnd me for da vry beginning since i started my skul few months back but i nvr took her in my group chu noe she told me she tried her level best so dat i could notice her but i kept ignoring her cox i dislike new ppl to noe real me.one day i asked her y she wants to b with me she answered me by saying dat i luk awl tough n rebell n no bullshit kinna girl but she can trust me out of awl de others n likes me 4 wht iam so i made a deal i told her to teach n help me out in subjects i f-in h8 n ill bfrnd her n kinna protect her n grant her my company till v r in skul after dat no txt talk n shit n she won't get too close to me as ill b leavin soon n id hav plans of staying well guess now its too l8 for dat cox she already cares too much 4 me n i funkin abominate it.id funkin wanna feel anythin 4 anyone as feeling leads to weakness ik i sound mean n selfish but dis my way of defence mechanism.but v still bcam gud frnds i guess she is too patient with me n dats exactly da kind of ppl who can stay with me in long run .if they giv up in da middle they miss da best part of me n sumtimes iam glade it happens cox its better they walk out sooner dan later after seein my awl soft n lovin side.

Btw my entire family has gone bat-shit crazy i mean der was dis stupid fortune teller they went to him jst 4 fun n he told dem few stuff which is lame n yesterday when v were talkin n showin da shoppin we did so when they saw few of the shades i bought myself everyone started lukin at eachother n sayin stuff lyk shit it happened n i was lyk wht happened so my sis told me dat guy told dem dat i would start wearing shades soon well chu c i do collect dem but i nvr wore any n when they asked if i was wearin dem i was lyk hell yea..!!they were lyk v didnt chu about it cox v were waitin if chu relly r goin to do dat n i was lyk no shit Sherlock!! so now they think ill b shiftin foreign 4 my further education cox he told dem so well duh i guess a dump person can even tell dat cox i hav been tellin dem 4 yrs n they nvr believed me n now they believe dat crazy person i feel loved n trusted *note da sarcasm*.bs snichy wanted to c da shirt i bought which nearly gave my mom heart attack xD well dat on chappy19 teehee..dat da vry reason i was arguing with her dat day lyk damn i jst turned 8teen iam not a kid anymore iam practically an adult who can make her own decisions..v.v parents jst wont except dat.

I hope chu njoyed chur b day but still iam vry pissed at blake n his other half.i mean they could atleast cum online n tell us how r chu, v all r funkin worried n i dont hav gud feelin about dis shit.dis time instead of showin dem butter knife ill b showin dem butcher knife no kiddin there *makes serious face*chu noe when they were der i nvr had da urge to ask anythin about chu 4m anyone cox i knew chu r f9 n dem visiting chu made me a bit lay back cox it sumhow made sure dat chu were okay n i had my inner peace but i dont hav it any more n no way in hell am i goin to go n talk with gazz, irha, n ems or even kimmy about my funked up feelin cox i jst cant n speakin of kimmy she funkin left.when gazz asked about hunny puff i told her shell b f9 n cum back cox i want to b positive n not make others worried she said i said da same thin 4 chu n chu came back with a cancer n dat really hit me hard lyk lyk a tones of brick forced on my chest i couldnt breath chu noe i knew sumthin is wrong cox i told her jst pray he is f9 but iam sure hell b back but i couldnt lead her to my negative taughts n nvr will i better on my own n neither i want da same with kimmy i dont lyk ppl bein worried even idk dem much but i want dem to b all happy not lyk me funked up. idk y da funk ppl promise when they they funkin cant keep dat shit.cox i dont promise when i funkin cant. it hurts dude n chu noe where iam leadin dis.ik i show iam all hard core n shit lyk dat but funk it man iam merely a weak pathetic human not saint or God kk..iam hurtin cox i hav awl dis shitty feelin which i dont need. i want to hit my fist so hard against da wall to get rid of these feelin n endure new ones.why didnt chu prepare me 4 this why mon mon..???let me answer it for chu..chu must hav thought she has no damn feelin cox she is so gud at hiddin dem..yea iam fake cox everythin about me is fake.my plastic smile, my laughter, my facade, my everythin is fake.iam gud actress dats wht i hav been told my entire life idky i didnt take it as my profession as chu can c iam so gud at it.i nvr gained but kept on losin bcox of my fake self now iam tired n iam done with dis costume clinging to my body.there is no way anyone can hurt me more dan i already hav been so idc anymore n chu will b da last straw.every nyt i hav been cryin my eyes out i hav weeped so many tears dat i think it will make pacific ocean proud.iam tired of makin lame excuses for my tears when iam cought n even i hav run out of dem too.ijdk!! ijdk wht to do anymore.weather to scream, shout, break sumthin, curse out loud or even better tear my heart out.tell me mon mon wht to do damn it.chull b goin to blue but wht about my peace,wht about my demons who r goin to overpower me n take me into deep sleep,wht about da ache ill feel deep inside my chest huh?!? WHT ABOUT DOS?? I hav tired to b selfless all my funked up life but sumtimes chu want to b selfish.ik chu lost blue n will get her soon but ill lose chu n lose a part of me too.i jst want to hold chu n nvr let chu go.i hav no more hiddin places left..if its dis hard rite now idk wht will it feel lyk when chu actually gone.cumin to wattpad is hellish 4 me i want to delete n rub off everthin n nvr luk back n make myself think chu still der but i cant contact chu cox i hav no acc but i wont..ill try to b strong.i want to run away 4m my prob cox dats wht iam gud at but i wont n i cant 4 chur sake.after bramshy i nvr felt dis way until chu came in at her time i was depressed for 2 whole funkin yrs.locked in my room n go to deep sleep n nvr open my eyes nyt was filled with loud music n cries n de entire mornin full of sleep i even quite goin to skul n wasted after dat a whole yr n didnt take admission anywhere unlike all my other frnds v.v. chu noe when i sleep i dont feel anythin so after 6teen i practically had no damn life only sorrow n darkness not dat i didnt hav it b4 dat too i quite fb, delete everything including my feelins too v.v.but with chu its sumthin different i cant sleep lyk at all as soon as i do dat chu cum to my mind n i jerk n get out of my bed lyk its on fire.my cries r bcum louder n louder n idk where to run off 4 help.iam disturbing others with dis shit too.why cant i b in chur place chu noe i can exchange my place with chu anytime but i hav no idea how to.tell me n i will.i should b in dat place not chu cox chu dont deserve it.when i miss chu alot i go grab zulfs cheeks n kiss it n say lil mon mon cox in sum ways he is lyk chu so he asks me if i hav started learnin french now cox its nothin lyk spanish i speak n i am lyk use chur imagination..lolx i guess i feel a bit light after writin dis n i wont delete it cox i want it out jst 4 my peace of mind..to hell with wht ppl think..

Wuv chu @DamnItsCam_