My mon mon Forever..

Day 8th

Hi mon mon,

Well idk if chu reading this n idk to whom i relly am writing this to but all ik is iam doin this 4 my own peace of mind if i wont i think ill b goin lunatic soon n id want dat shit again.its been 8 days since chu gone rite?!? 8 funked up days of my life.i didnt leave wattpad on my own accord i was suffering both ways chur death came such a shocker i wasnt being myself.i did try to control but in de end i lost all strength to fight any longer as soon as nyt came the reality showed its true existence n da game of torher begain.the only thing i could claw for help was my shirt clinging to my body n howl of agony trying to pass through my throat.i was giving everyone hope but i had no hope left for myself.i hav this love hate relation with night time.as soon as sun goes to bed n da moon is set free to breath again i feel excitement within idky but when eyeone goes in deep slumber then i bcum  restless.the nyt of 5th i wasnt even graced with the presence of howling wolf outside my window.the only being who gives me company with my tears to which n to whom i have found likeness to.dat nyt i felt lyk my lungs was being forced to breathe in fire, my eyes were blurred with unshred tears making me half a blind person telling me to let go da acidic tear drops n my skulls boundary being scratched by all the demon of my past screamin at me to let dem out, begging me to let dem free but all i could do was block dem out, drink in my own tears n force myself to breath into da next coming second, minute, hours, days, month, or may b if iam lucky a funkin year.

Do chu noe v humans r so pathetic.v let ourselves get attacked only when v r weak n wounded n dats da exact reason why i hate weakness cox it makes an independent person act lyk shit.the next day or may i say 3rd day since chu past away i was in flames, boiling in my own sin for the nyt.lets make it less funkin dramatic, i had high fever yep cant get gawddamn better dan dat can it?!?i was in my bed all day n everyone thought i was being my lazyself my mom knows iam too immune to have fever so she thought its no biggy n i better go out to get sum freah air so ill feel better n me being my stubborn self agreed with her even tho my body was protesting against it.n b4 chu judge her its not her fault as i hardly catch flu, cold, fever n shit lyk dat so she thought ill b fine.so yes i went 4 a walk n it was drizzling or in my own world da heaven opened up for chu with tears of joy.iam lucky dat i had camera so i took few shots as chu can c.aint dat gud cox neither my camera lens wasnt gud at da time n nor was i focusing.all i wanted to show chu my secret places which gives me peace when da time calls 4 it.well chu c pic#1 it has a garden at the back where i use to go n play when i was a kid i still hav pics while iam doin dat lolx n i luv dat place, pic#2 is where i use to go for a walk at nyt with my parents n c twinkling light of the city n to me it use to b breath taking, pic#7 is da path i always cross when my bus drops me after skul it depends sumtimes 2:30 p.m n sumtimes 7:00 p.m tho my mom doesnt lyks it when i come home l8 well how cares *shrugs*bs its da path were iam always talkin to ems n sayin iam close to home lolx xD.well da most interesting pic is pic#5 chu noe when ever i stand at dis place 4m where i hav captured da picture i always c how v hav two different path to da same destination but one is too closed, dark n gloomy (to da right) de other has vast open field n bright (to da left) tho i like da right one much better but iam told not to go der much or alone dats wht makes me lyk it more.well da time i was gettin ready to head back home after wondering aimlessly on da street i took pic#8 till dat time few of my frnds joined me as per my moms request when i saw dis tree i felt lyk i wanted to take its pic cox at dat moment i jst felt lyk its dry inside out with no hope jst standing der for awl da passer by jst for a show.when i got near n my frnd knew wht i was about to do she said its hopeless in such dark hrs chu wont get da best result go change chur camera dan take a shot but one thing i learned is its not in da paper n pencil chu use but in da skill chu put in to create an arts n luk i got wht i was aiming 4 its da way chu believe in churself.well 4m all da adventure to get my mind off chu n da fever i landed myself in much bigger trouble.da next day my body heat grew to a new level where i couldnt even move n since dat day till yesterday i was in my bed all numb jst thinkin when chur pain n dis MF fever will pass away.

Well i was thinkin about dropping out of skul or mayb freezing dis semester cox i think iam not in da rite mind to carry on my studies n risk my grades once again in life iam all confused n hopeless n on top my mom wants me to get top grades n i told her its impossible cox i dont feel lyk it.i dont want her to keep her hopes up n i dont make empty promises.i can only take 3.6 GPA da 1st semister after dat ill c.iam too disturbed now n iam being too bipolar.idk wht to do.

Today is da first day after dat dreadful day i opened my wattpad again n da funny thing is few ppl think iam dead already xD.dat would hav been a long time wish cum true if dat happened but iam an unlucky bish stuck up in dis (air quotationmarks) fairytale world.y da funk God doesnt want me up der i jst dont get it.der should b a law were useless ppl lyk me should go out of dis world 1st.guess dats not happening anytime soon.v.v

Well yay *says in monotone* funk life i rather bury myself in my room..i miss chu dude.one day i want to visit chur grave cox i guess dats de only place left where i can talk to chu in peace n yes change of plan i do want to visit Spain now so b happy.its in my to do list.

Bs it doesnt mean chu gone so i should even stop writing to chu to me deep inside my heart chu r still alive.but iam only confused whether i should still upload does chappy in my draft or nah but iam came to a conclusion dat day were meant 4 chu so i guess i hav to let dem out.i wish i did it back den when chu were relly here..funk man i love chu so much n i miss chu lyk funkin hell..damnit! Oh oh!! N chu noe wht 2day 4 da vry first time i saw a real bright star n it was shinning lyk no other i named it my own mon mon star..   *

Iam still not well..ill go

Luv chu future uncle cammy.

ilysfm DamnItsCam_