My Name (4)

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After playing for about 2 hours, we say our goodbyes and I shut down my computer. I have to admit, even though I was scared to meet Rae's friends, It's not something I regret. They have all been nothing but nice to me, and they are amazing people. 

I get up and walk to my kitchen. For a minute, I forgot that Rae told me she had to leave. Being alone in my apartment wasn't something I entirely enjoyed. Of course, it was nice to be able to relax in peace, but when you're like me, your mind is always racing. I can't help but imagine scenarios in which I'm in danger, and there's no one to save me. Growing up, my dad put me through hell. Everything I did was wrong, and I would be screamed at. I was always so scared when my mother would leave me home with him. Just me and my poor excuse of a father. He rarely abused me physically, but mentally I was broken. Torn down like an old building, even when I did nothing wrong. Unexpected loud noises only give me flashbacks, and I'm scared that as I get more successful, he'll find me.

I sit in my kitchen chair, mind racing and hands shaking. I need to talk to someone. Anyone. As I scroll through my contacts, one catches my eye. I've listen to enough of Corpse's music to know that he's been through some shit. Even though I know it sounds selfish, maybe he can help me. I text him a message through the tears streaming down my face.

 I text him a message through the tears streaming down my face

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I was waiting for that message. The one that tells me that my problems are mine, and mine only. That I need to deal with them myself. I don't even know Corpse that well and I'm asking for support? He's just going to think that I'm using him.

I look over to my phone as I'm overthinking, and I see this:

The buzzing of my phone on the countertop invades my thoughts of negativity

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The buzzing of my phone on the countertop invades my thoughts of negativity. I struggle to answer.

"Hello?" I say in a shaky voice. Anyone could tell I was crying by the sound of my voice.

"Raven, are you okay?" I hear the deep voice say. It was hard to answer this. Was I really okay? Could I just lie to him and say I was?

"No." I reply as more tears rain down from my eyes.

"Just breathe, okay?" His voice was so soft. So comforting.

I never knew he could help me so much, but he did. After I calmed down, and told Corpse how my thoughts got the best of me, we talked for a few more hours. It's hard to describe, but I felt like I could trust him almost completely. Even when I felt like he didn't care, he made sure that I knew he was listening to every word that escaped my lips.

"As much as I'd love to keep talking, I think you should get some sleep." Corpse admitted after talking to me for a long time. I look over at my clock. 9:34. 

"It's been a long day." I mumble into the phone as I rub my eyes. I'm now laying in my queen-sized bed as my phone sits on the nightstand, charging.

I can almost hear him smile through the phone. "Goodnight Raven."

I hesitate. What I want to tell him is dangerous. I feel like I can trust him, but what if I'm wrong? After a deep breath, I correct him. "Livi." Is all I say.

I hear his deep voice through the phone again. "What?"

"My name is Alivia, but I usually go by Livi" I say softly. "or Liv." I can feel my heart racing in my chest as I wait for his reply.

He chuckles softly. "Goodnight Liv." 

I smile through the redness of my face. "Goodnight Corpse." I hit the red button and roll over to the other side of my bed. A large smile spreads across my face like butter. 

It's always been hard for me to consider someone a friend. Rae is my best friend, my only friend, because she is always there for me. But I haven't even begun to call Seán or Sykkuno friends, mostly because I don't know them well enough. When it comes to Corpse, I know we've hit the friend stage. Even though I've known him for such a short time, we bonded not only through video games, but also over a phone call. It pains me to think I  may want to be more. Once he sees me, he'll regret ever meeting me.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Sorry that this chapter was so short, but this is just me writing when I should be asleep :/ 

I hope everyone reading this enjoys the story so far, and if not, I'm sorry. My writing does suck and I wish I could be better, but for now I'm working hardest on my ideas for stories <3

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