|Fire On Fire|~PerthSaint Imagine

Chapter 5

Saint

As I left the warehouse I saw some cars pulling around to the back of the building. Awesome. Perth obviously didn't trust me anymore and thought I was pretty much helpless. I waved the men over to the open warehouse door as they got out of their cars but kept walking around the corner and back down the alley. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to get to my car and get the hell out of there.

I was so mad at Perth I couldn't see straight. I couldn't believe he felt like he had to protect me—that I couldn't handle my job anymore. After five years, I finally saw what he really thought of me. But how could I blame him? It was the way the whole world saw omegas. Including me.

But the thing that pissed me off more than anything, was that I felt like I was totally going to lose it. I was going to fucking cry.

I hadn't cried since I was a little kid. And I mean really little. Like before I even started grade school. It wasn't anything anyone ever told me that I shouldn't do; it was something that I knew from watching the alphas around me. Being a beta meant I had to constantly prove myself, especially around my dad and brother— who were both alphas. If I cried or showed any weakness around either of them, I knew I would lose their respect.

It's not like I didn't feel sadness or hurt or any of those kinds of emotions. I just learned how to control them. I learned how to put up a wall as soon as I felt anything like tears welling up inside me. I would turn my emotions off and make them disappear. Only now I didn't seem to be able to do that anymore. Now I found myself crying alone in my bed at night. Crying about how unfair this sudden change was. Crying about the fact that I was about to lose my job because of it. And crying because the one person I wanted to talk to—my best friend in the whole world—couldn't possibly respect me anymore.

No one respected omegas.

I just wanted the old me back. I wanted to stuff my stupid emotions inside and get on with my life. If I could get that back— the control I had of myself and everything around me—then my life would be normal again. I could get drunk and fuck random men and I would be safe because, with all that, I didn't have to feel.

Not like what I was trying unsuccessfully to stuff down now. My stupid feelings for Perth. I hated him for doing this to me. For making me fall in love with him. I hated being an omega and having all these crazy hormones and feelings constantly flowing throughout my body. It felt like everything inside me was sitting right on the surface, and the slightest touch—just one tiny drop of water—would upset the whole glass and send everything cascading over the edge.

I heard the car door open and immediately wiped my face dry, then turned toward the window so Perth couldn't see my eyes. I knew he wouldn't respect me if he saw me crying. Not that he did anymore, anyway.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his smooth, warm voice simultaneously calming me down a little and filling my eyes with tears again.

"Of course, I'm okay. Let's get the hell out of here."

"I really think we need to talk, Saint. We can't ignore what's going on."

"I don't know what the hell is going on. The only thing I know is everything is falling apart, and I have no idea what to do about it. All I want to do is go home and crawl and to bed until this is all over with."

"What do you mean over with? This isn't going to just go away, Saint. You're an omega now, and you're carrying my baby. How exactly do you imagine this is going to be over with?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I knew that no matter what I said it wasn't going to make a difference. I could already feel the tears spilling out of my eyes and running down my cheeks again. I wasn't going to be able to stop any of this. Not the crying, not the pregnancy, and not the way Perth was treating me. "Can we please get the hell out of here?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I don't care where we go."