hearts formed by solicitude and desolation

ᎠᎬᏚᎾᏞᎪᎢᏆᎾN

chishiya had no interest for human life what so ever, and that included developing emotional connections.

he believed that the human heart had only one sole purpose, and that was to pump enough blood for him to survive another day. it wasn't for emotions like sadness or anger, nor was it for the human construct that they called love. as a kid he tried to find it, thinking that perhaps love was worthwhile. that following in his father's footsteps would lead him to figuring out that love really was an emotion that he was capable of feeling in the empty vessel he called his heart. and yet, as he studied and studied, trying to find an answer, he realized that he truly wasn't capable of loving another human being. not even himself.

so he didn't have friends. he didn't find a need for them, as sad as most would believe, and he definitely did not have any sort of partner in his life. he didn't mind the lack of company either. without it, he was able to focus solely on his work. though, it was ironic the way he held it in such high regards when he didn't even favor the practice. faking a smile and speaking to patients in a kind tone didn't suit him. but of course, he felt too prideful to back out, and at least being a surgeon would keep him comfortable in life.

he took most of his college classes just as seriously. he was still a student, and even though other medical interns struggled between shifts at the hospital and their morning biology class, chishiya managed. he was clever after all, so attending class and getting his work done never felt like much of a bother.

that was, until recently.

he received the letter in his mail right after his own shift at the hospital, immediately recognizing the logo of his university stamped into the corner. he had assumed it was about the upcoming end of term, only several weeks left until a short break before the next one. he had been close to throwing the paper into the trash when he paused, giving the envelope another quick glance before tearing it open and scanning the contents.

chishiya let loose a small sigh, realizing he had been completely wrong about his assumption. rather than a reminder of the ending term, it was a reminder that he had one too many absences in one of his classes.

he didn't need to read the rest to know which class it was referring to. as a student, in order for chishiya to graduate he needed to have extracurricular classes, despite him finding them bothersome and a waste of time. he had chosen the first one he saw, film studies, and never spared a glance at it again. he hadn't anticipated that the class grade ran on attendance and not the exam he was planning to show up for each term.

this time chishiya did drop the paper into the trash, deciding that he'd rather get the class over with than repeating a whole new curriculum. he'd go starting tomorrow, and maybe even consider switching to a more interesting extracurricular if it came to it.

not one for being late chishiya made sure he was ready before the class started early in the morning, eating a quick breakfast and pulling on his hoodie. it tended to get cold in the classroom, and he'd rather not suffer more than he already has to. he spared a glance towards his shoulder bag left on the chair from the previous day, containing all his supplies for school. he debated for a moment, but figured there was no harm in leaving it. for one, he didn't have any other classes that day, and his shift at the hospital didn't start until later that evening. he had plenty of time to return home and get ready before then. besides, he heard about the class before, and notes weren't exactly needed during instruction.

it didn't take long for him to find the classroom, having gone there once on the first day of university. he had tried to find interest, but most classes on the first day consisted of explaining the syllabus and how things would go for the year. he chuckled at himself for missing the crucial detail of having to show up for the grade, but what was done was done.