hearts formed by solicitude and desolation

⌈ 22 ⌋

Ꭺ/N: ᎻᎬY ᏩᏌYᏚ! ᏚᎾᎡᎡY ᎢᎻᏆᏚ ᎢᎾᎾK ᏚᎾ ᏞᎾNᏩ, Ꮖ ᏔᎪᏚ ᎾᏌᎢ ᎾF ᎢᎾᏔN FᎾᎡ Ꭺ FᎬᏔ ᎠᎪYᏚ ᎪNᎠ Ꮖ ᎪᏞᏚᎾ ᏟᏌᎡᎡᎬNᎢᏞY ᎻᎪᏙᎬ Ꭺ ᏴᎪᎠ ᎪᏞᏞᎬᎡᏩᏆᏟ ᎡᎬᎪᏟᎢᏆᎾN ᎾN ᎷY ᎻᎪNᎠᏚ ᎢᎻᎪᎢ ᎻᏌᎡᎢᏚ ᏔᎻᎬN Ꮖ ᎷᎾᏙᎬ ᎢᎻᎬᎷ. ᎻᎪᏞF ᎢᎻᏆᏚ ᏟᎻᎪᏢᎢᎬᎡ ᏔᎪᏚ ᏔᎡᏆᎢᎢᎬN ᏆN ᏢᎪᏆN ᏚᎾ ᏢᏞᎬᎪᏚᎬ ᎠᎾ ᎬNᏓᎾY :Ꭰ

ᏞᎾᎪᎠᏆNᏩ . . . . .

ᏞᎾᎪᎠᏆNᏩ ᏟᎾᎷᏢᏞᎬᎢᎬ!

you were five years old when you realized the value of time.

granted you were only a child, your only concern being how you were going to retrieve the cookies hidden in the back of the pantry. but it was also during this time that you began to notice the strange behavior your mother would express and the lack of time she spent on you. at first you brushed it off as her being busy with your sister, who had been born recently that year. but even then you noticed how she seemed to bring her much more attention than she did to you, a clear difference in the way she acted. and as the years went by it only grew worse to the point where even you could no longer ignore it.

you were at a birthday party for a friend, playing with the other children out in the backyard while the adults stood by watching, laughing and talking amongst themselves. it had taken a lot of convincing for you to go but eventually your mother agreed as long as you didn't bother her again. you were overjoyed at the fact, spending as much time as possible having fun before she came by to pick you up.

it was as you and the other kids were running around outside that your friend's mother came by. the oldest just like you and you awaited the yelling. the words telling her that she was doing something wrong. yet it was the opposite of that. it was so painstakingly clear as the interactions went on that they were the one favorited. they got the attention and love your sister seemed to hog. it confused you, how cake would be cut for her and presents were handed with such a big smile on her face. that when the back of her dress would untie she'd fix it without a second thought, and how her hair was put into such pretty little ribbons that she had put on herself.

you went to your mother about it, asking if she could help you tie the laces on your shoes just to see what she'd do. if she'd tie it just as your friends mother had. but she simply brushed you off, telling you to figure it out yourself. once again it was so different from the way your friend's mom treated her and even your sister, and wanting to test that theory you brought her over, telling her to ask your mother the same question you did just previously. and sure enough, with a smile you could only imagine being directed towards you painted her lips, reaching down and looping the string with the best precision. and when she reached back up to tickle her, it was the first time you began to hate this younger sibling of yours and resented the person who brought you into this world.

it was why you tried to keep yourself away from your family as often as possible. why when that pretty little letter showing your acceptance to college you packed up your things and left without a second thought, ignoring the calls blowing up your phone from your mother and sister. as if they really cared about whether you left or not. if anything, she would say something along the lines of never coming back, and that from here on out you were on your own with making a life detached from them.

and your sister? you were sure she was confused. wondering why all these years your smiles had been fake and why you never joined them in the activities meant only for her. maybe, if that time your mother valued so much was spent on you even just a little bit, filled with affection and love instead of harsh words comparing the two of you. explaining that it was just the way things were and that you should be grateful that you were here even at all, things would've turned out differently.