Burning love

Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6
Monday couldn't come soon enough.
The last two days of the weekend had been a drag, and everyone's upbeat mood made it worse. Sam's mother had tried desperately to brighten him but even she didn't know what to do. They all seemed to sense the air that something happened, but didn't ask, or maybe didn't care. Lizzie was the only one who knew, and she hadn't given up her promise.
Sam was intent only on Monday, on the day when he could feel something that wasn't sadness or disappointment. He was filled with a new curiosity and pursued it desperately, knowing anything was better than being miserable.
Monday finally arrived, and his classes felt strange and long. He saw Kris in Science, and longed to tap him on the shoulder. Or drop a book beside him. Anything to reach out, to remind him he was still here. He refrained, but the subtle burn never stopped.
As promised, after school, Margo was there. Today she was dressed in her usual bra-like black shirt, and a skirt short enough even Sam had to object. Instead he kept silent, and approached her.
Despite what she had looked like at the mall, she was more intimidating now. She was a lot taller than him, and had an imposing face when she wasn't sneering. Her hair was a dark mess, and she was fidgeting while sitting on a bench. It reminded Sam of the times he and Kris sat here before school, and maybe it was even the same one. He took a breath of air, and made himself visible.
She stood up, imposing her height. "So?" She said, already in a rush. "Why did you call me here?"
Sam resisted the urge to stutter, or leave. In the light of day this idea seemed crazy. But he was desperate.
He tried to get close enough to whisper but she recoiled.
"This is about Jana. I don't think you want me to yell it but alright."
She caught on and leaned in.
"I don't think they should be together. I mean, first of all, he's not into her anymore. And second, he's g-he's had enough."
Sam slipped up, and reminded himself that Kris definitely would not want Margo knowing his personal business.
She nodded. "But Jana won't see it. She-she loves him." Margo stuttered, and Sam knew this hurt her to say.
Jana loved him. And Kris loved her too, but not in the way he should. They'd been together long, and Jana and Kris had formed a friendship, or a kind of bond only two people that are around each other for a long time can form. They trusted each other, and supported each other.
Sam couldn't begrudge Kris that. But at the same time, it wasn't love. What was the point? They could be friends. But they weren't meant for each other, not like him and Kris were. Kris had felt it too. The release, the freedom to be who you wanted to be. Jana was a prop, he was sure of it. Of his old life, and of things he didn't want to accept. Sam thought he was trying to help, to receive him of burden.
"We can't let them go on like this. Kris doesn't want to accept the fact that it's over. His life isn't like it was before." Sam wondered if he was revealing too much. If Margo was catching on, she didn't indicate it.
"Jana deserves better," Margo's jaw was tight. "So what are we going to do about it?"
"Friends help friends." Sam said quietly.
"You really want Kris?" Jana asked, holding his gaze.
Sam tried not to shrink under her scrutinizing gaze. "Yes. And you want Jana."
Margo flinched but didn't correct him.
"They can't be together anymore," Sam hinted.
"What's the plan?"
Now that he knew she was all in, he pulled her in close. "What's the best way to break a couple?"
"Cheating," Margo said confidently.
Sam nodded.
"Do you want to do it? Fake texts with Kris?"
Sam stood, conflicted. Then with a sigh, he said, "I can't out Kris."
"Why not?" Margo said unkindly.
"Why don't I out you?"
Margo shrank back. "I get it, okay. So who?"
Sam contemplated for a moment, then formed a strange smile. "You."
She shook her head. "It can't be any of us. Then Jana will hate me."
They thought.
Margo was alight with a new idea. Sam hoped it was a good one.
"Are you sure Kris likes you?"
"What?"
"Could you get him to meet you?"
Sam felt flooded with fresh emotion. He probably could. He didn't want to cave first, and text Kris. But then thought...what if he really could end him and Jana? Kris could be free, and sam could be with him. The plan solidified in his mind.
He nodded sternly. But hastily added, "We're not outing him."
"I have a plan, relax. Just meet with him. I know someone."
"For what?"
"I have a plan," She repeated, ignoring Sam's question. Margo didn't want him to know, or he'd chicken out. "Text him, hangout with him. When you do, text me the address. They'll be done for sure." Margo possessed a wicked grin, and for a moment, it was infectious. Sam smiled, and wondered if he looked as excited as Margo.
Briefly he thought that if this went well, they both got what they wanted. And perhaps gained a friendship? Margo seemed like a difficult person to be friends with, but what did he have to lose?
"Text him. Now." Margo stood there, arms crossed. Sam's hand shook as he typed slower than necessary.
I can't stay away from you. Can we just talk? As friends?
It sounded pathetic, he knew. Margo peered at the text and smiled.
"Text me when something happens. Bye." She walked past him, and didn't look back. She found Jana across the field, and linked arms with her as they walked home together. Sam smiled, soon it would mean something else. And soon, maybe it would be him and Kris like that, too. Still in secret, but not under pressure. Not worrying about his girlfriend, about guilt. It would be strangely peaceful.
As he walked home, his phone dinged. Even with the contact deleted, he knew the number by heart.
I said to leave me alone.
Sam's heart sank again. But he needed to do this. Not just for them, but for Margo.
I know you miss me.
I do. That doesn't change anything.
Shouldn't you be happy at least?
It doesn't matter.
It matters to me.
What do you want?
You.
And?
I won't push you. I just want to see you.
As friends?
Yes.
You know that doesn't work, right?
I'll be on my best behaviour. Promise.
I'm not going to feel guilty about anything. I owe it to Jana.
Then don't.
Silence. Sam was afraid he'd lost him again. He texted again.
Why do you owe her?
She's been there for me for the last 2 years. For all my problems.
Sam didn't have an answer.
Let me see you.
Kris didn't answer for a long time. Sam thought it was over; he hadn't won him over. He sighed right when he got the text.
When?
Sam smiled. He made the date and time, and suggested the woods by his house. It was empty, and peaceful. He texted Margo the address quickly.
You got him fast, She texted.
Thanks.
He thinks you're going in the woods to bone, probably.
Sam stopped himself. Kris thought that? And agreed? Maybe if it was so easy to get him to do this, their relationship would last. Did he need to break them up?
Are you sure about this?
Margo texted lightening fast. Are you bailing on me?
No...just is this right?
You're doing it.
Sam turned off his phone, he wanted this.
****
It was a strange thing to have resolve so unfaltering, and then it crumbles.
It was like everything, all discipline decided for yourself just falls apart. Kris had been holding onto his anger and Jana's pain as hard as he could, he knew it would keep him away. He didn't think about Sam, he held it in, he tried to think about school, or anything else. And then, in one swift movement, not even a week later, he was taken under Sam's spell. He wanted to cry or yell, because here he was again.
He vowed to never speak to him and look where he was now. Kris was angry for answering. But what could he have done? He had a burning sensation as soon as he saw the text, and almost instantly knew who it was. He had to answer it, the pestering feeling in the pit of his stomach didn't subside. He tried to be cold, and hurt sam enough to leave him alone. But that wasn't what he wanted.
And sam came back. Been after Kris harshly told him to leave, he was here again. He was loyal, and Kris felt he at least had to see Sam. Not solely out of responsibly, of course. He missed him. After only 5 days, he missed him. His phone felt empty, even as it was filled with the numerous texts from Jana. He had really tried to answer them, honestly.
He came back.
The second they decided to meet, Kris already began planning in his head. That was his thing; planning to the last second, hoping it went well. Not in the way he wanted. No, it couldn't go that well. Well from a distance. Something he didn't have to feel ashamed about, something that he could correctly describe as friendship. He didn't want to hurt Jana, she was too good for that.
Jana wasn't perfect. Definitely not. She was angry, and annoying. But she was always there. In the way no one in his life had ever been. He'd never felt the support of someone that he had all the time. Until sam.
Sam was not just support.
He was passion and interest. He was someone Kris needed; someone for him to be happy with, to let go.
But it didn't matter. He'd known Sam for 3 months. He'd known Jana for 2 years, and she was his girlfriend. And he knew she loved him.
He would not do anything reckless, he vowed. He knew how easily things could be broken with Sam, but not this time. He could say and do what he wanted, but Kris would remain loyal. He wasn't a cheater.
The thought of the woods made his blood boil. He knew what it meant. Secluded. No one around...But he was responsible, and would keep it under control.
"Mom!" He yelled. He didn't wait for an answer. "Me and Jana are going on a picnic in the woods tomorrow! I can't cancel again! I'm going!"
Kris went back to his room. He was lying to everyone but Sam. Again. But he wouldn't do anything tomorrow, he swore.
It was a bit ironic.