DMS | lashton + malum

walking on watermelons

michaelclifford to world's shittiest band

michaelclifford:
if jesus can walk on water
and watermelons are 90% water
anddd, i can walk on watermelons
does that mean i'm 90% jesus
hello
guys ?

ashtonirwin:
if you want my professional opinion, no you're not 90% jesus
but you're 100% high thats for sure

michaelclifford:
i don't even smoke

ashtonirwin:
sureee, because that deranged thought came from a sober man

michaelclifford:
i was having an extistential crisis and my mind went to jesus and watermelons

ashtonirwin:
hmm
do you think of jesus and watermelons often, michael?

michaelclifford:
now that i think about it
yeah probably more than the average dude

ashtonirwin:
well that's great babe
i encourage you to speak to a therapist ❤️
speaking of, i'm off to see mine

lukehemmings:
babe????

michaelclifford:
do i really need therapy guys?

calumhood:
no kitten
ignore ashton
he's jealous of your sexy brain

michaelclifford:
y'all came on the chat out of nowhere damn

calumhood:
i was feeding duke lolz

lukehemmings:
shut up column no one says 'lolz' anymore
and i didn't care to text back until you seduced my boyfriend

calumhood:
fuck off

michaelclifford:
luke
wtf made u believe that i seduced ash?

lukehemmings:
ugh
he called you babe

calumhood:
hate to break it to you buddy but ashton calls everyone that

michaelclifford:
tis true

lukehemmings:
so i'm not special ? ☹️

michaelclifford:
nope

lukehemmings:
is this what heartbreak feels like ?

calumhood:
oh my god you're so dramatic
so your boyfriend is nice to other people, whats the big deal

lukehemmings:
if he's nice to other people someone might get the wrong idea and take him away from me
and then i'll have no choice but to become a criminal

michaelclifford:
ok first of all
what you're saying is that you'd rather ashton be a dick?

lukehemmings:
yeah pretty much

calumhood:
well some people like dicks🤷🏽‍♂️

michaelclifford:
omg calum
second, i don't think ashton could ever love anyone else, luke
he plans on being with you forever, he's told me so

lukehemmings:
interesting
my baby loves me 🥰

ashtonirwin:
of course i do you fucking weirdo

michaelclifford:
hey ash how was therapy

ashtonirwin:
it was great! we talked about my repressed traumas
😒

calumhood:
yikes

lukehemmings:
get well soon ❤️

ashtonirwin:
working on it love