Living in Cavetown

Chapter 20

My happy high is quickly ruined as I feel Chance's face tighten and he quickly pulls away from me in realization at what he is doing. 

   "I- I just can't. Not. Not with you. I'm sorry, Jessica." Chance says as he sits back into his seat. I sit still in confusion. Chance looks at me in worry. I sit back in my seat and move my hair out of my face as I process what just happened and what he just said. 

   "Why not?" I ask him quietly as I look forward and refuse to look at him. Chance shifts in his seat and takes a deep breath. 

   "Tyler loves you. Even if you're not ready to accept that or notice that what it is I cannot willingly kiss the girl my brother has been in love with since we were kids. That is not fair to him, especially since you haven't heard his side of the story yet." Chance says  calmly. I take in a shaky breath and rub my hands over my face. 

   "So because a boy I have no feelings for just so happens to be in love with me and related to you I cannot kiss the man I have been in love with since he saved me from my own awkwardness as a child?" I ask him aggravated. Chance dryly chuckles. 

   "That's where you're mistaken, Jessica. You should not want to be with a man. You should want to be with someone your age. A boy that will love you no matter what happens and has always been there for you." I give him a side glare. 

   "Tyler has never been anywhere near enough for me. He has never been there for me, and you have been. I barely had more than a few dozen 'talks' with him the whole time I have know either of you. And all that it really was, was him making crude remarks that I couldn't refute against." 

   "That was his way of letting you know he likes you," Chance says and chuckles. I quickly turn towards him in my seat and give him a hot stare. 

   "I do not think calling a young girl a 'hot sexy mamas' or a 'sexy slut' is appropriate manners to let a girl know that you like her," I tell him. He takes a quick and deep intake of breath before cursing under his breath and leaning his head against the steering wheel. 

   "I didn't know it had gotten that bad when I wasn't around for you. I'm sorry." I dryly chuckle and shake my head. 

   "It wasn't just the remarks. Tyler and Jamie would completely ruin my life anytime you were gone away at some type of sports event or scholars activity." Chance nods. 

   "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I was trying my hardest to stand out to colleges. I did everything I could while I was in high-school. My father leaving meant we were a one-income home and there is no way my mom could afford college. Even if we do have money saved, and there's still Tyler. There is no way he is getting any scholarships. He barely knows how to spell 'hypochondria' let alone anything actually important. He passes because he plays sports and is looked up to." 

   "That seems to be your guys' thing. I remember hearing every single girl talk about how much they wanted the attention of the Branch brother's. 'Oooo. Did you hear that Tyler and Chance need dates to the dance?' 'Oh really? I thought they were going with Jamie and his little sister.' Very gross to hear the locker room conversations of the girls your brother would sleep with by the way," I crinkle my nose in disgust and Chance chuckles dryly. "I honestly doubt Tyler has and ever will like me, Chance. I think he just doesn't want me to be with you." 

   "Maybe you're right. I know I never slept around because i didn't really have the time to or wanted to. I am sure my brother has all types of gross things happening with him. The girls at your school are gross. Even when I went there I wouldn't willing touch most of them with a ten foot pole, let alone sleep with them. I don't understand the appeal." 

   "We're teenagers. Hormones are literally the only reason we seem to do anything. And from what I've heard it feels good after the first few times so," I shrug and feel Chance's eye on me. 

   "So you've never....?" Chance questions in disbelief. 

   "I might be almost an adult, but living in the home that I do and having the brother I hav- had it made it next to impossible to even have a hobby. Let alone date or anything." Chance nod and smiles. 

   "Was I your first kiss?" he asks with a cheeky grin. I roll my eyes at him. 

   "Yes, Chance you were my first kiss." Chance grins and looks smug. 

   "I thought for sure you had been kissed before. That just boost my ego far beyond what you could imagine." I roll my eyes again. 

   "I could only imagine." 

   Chance goes quiet and starts the car before backing out of the parking lot. I sigh and lean my head against my window. If only Chance knew how long I've been in love with him. I could never love Tyler the way Chance says that he loves me. Never. Not after I know what I know. I take a side glance at Chance and see him intently watching the road and seeming to be on another planet as he thinks. I wish I could live in his head, hear what he has to think. Maybe I could tell him how I feel and while we're running away we could live together and grow stronger together. 

Fat chance. I sigh and close my eyes to ignore the tingly feeling of tears behind my eyelids. I wish I lived a simpler life where I could tell Chance how I feel. Had a dad that actually cared and would love me. A brother that supported and cared for me in a way that brothers are supposed to. If only.