Living in Cavetown

Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN 

*This chapter is inspired by the song IDK You Yet by Alexander 23* 

(('Cause lately it's been hard. They're selling me for parts. And I don't want to be modern art. But I only have half a heart to give to you)) 

***TRIGGER WARNING SENSITIVE READERS PLEASE READ----- THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER TALKS OF R*PE, ABUSE, ADDICTION, AND USES FOWL LANGUAGE. THIS WHOLE CHAPTER WILL BE BACK TO BACK FLASH BACKS OF JESSICA'S LIFE. YOU CAN SKIP THIS CHAPTER AND NOT MISS ANY BIG THINGS FOR THE STORY. THIS IS BASICALLY A RECAPE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN PREVIOUS CHAPTERS WITH EXTRA SCENES ADDED TO IT.---- (end of trigger warning) 

 "Now I want you to tell us everything that Josie [my mother] was keeping from us all those years and what has been happening," says Nina. I gulp and nod before telling them everything. 

The first story I think to tell them is of the first time I was raped.  It was a few days before my ninth birthday and I was so excited to finally get to celebrate something after the really crappy time I'd been having- living with just my dad after mom had died. I was buzzing with excitement that morning and was ready to start planning in my little notebook how awesome my birthday would be, even though all we really did was James would get me a little cake and a tiny present he'd make or buy cheap. I was just excited to get to look forward to something. 

As I came home after school, nothing could get me down. The thought of cake made me happy since we never really ate anything when we weren't in school. Not even the smell of spilled beer or the loud snores from my drunk of a father. I threw my bag on the ground in my room and sat on my bed with the new book I had gotten from the library, waiting for James to get home. I quietly hummed to myself as I flipped through the pages, and listened for the front door. 

   Then, I froze. The sound I'd heard wasn't the front door or James getting home. It was the loud creaking noise that our couch made when someone would lay down or get off of it. HE was awake and I was alone. I got up quickly, and started to run to the closet as quietly as possible. James always says if he isn't home then I need to hide in the closet- not like it helps much when he is home. 

   As I neared the closet, one of the boards gave out from under me and gave out a very loud groan of displeasure from the very little I weighed. I froze and could feel my blood run cold in fear. I heard him come closer to our room and held my breath, being unable to move. Paralyzed by fear.  "Baby girl, is that you?" I heard him call. I could hear the breath leave my body. He never called me sweet nicknames. Ever. "Is your brother home?" I heard lightly through the door. He chuckled and opened the door to see me looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

   "Well, if you're home alone, maybe you could use some company," after that everything blurs into motion and pain and screaming covered by a disgusting hand. 

Later on, James had found me on the floor, unable to move and numb. He hadn't looked at me with sadness or pity, but anger and disgust. After that, I never told James when he would do that. Most time, I would crawl back into our room and somehow get back into bed before James would get home and quietly cry myself to sleep later in the night. 

I finish my story to look around the small circle of adults and see tears. "Should I continue?" I whisper quietly. My grandmother stands up and leaves the room, muttering something about getting the little kids cookies or something. I look around at everyone else, and notice my aunt who is a lawyer is taking notes. "Why are you doing that?" I ask her quietly. 

"I plan to take your father to court over everything you tell me and have been recording you as well so that you don't have to give a testament in the court room. The more I know, sweetie, the longer he will stay behind bars, unable to reach you," her eye soften as me and I know I can trust her. I nod and look at my hands in my lap. 

   "If you guys can't maintain yourselves around the man, then I suggest leaving the room, because I have a feeling this is only the beginning of what he has done to these kids and I don't need to not be the one handling this case. Understood?" she says in a cold lawyer tone. I see the people around the room nod, and over half leave. I am shocked by the fact that they think they wouldn't be able to withhold themselves. I'm nothing special. I continue with the stories after my aunt nods at me to do so. 

It is around midnight by the time my aunt and I are done with the stories and she has asked her questions. She told me if she had other questions then she would get time alone with me in order to do so, but for now I had a room to myself upstairs across the hall from my grandmother. I smiled at the idea of getting my own room. I climbed the stairs behind her and she opened the door to a room about the size of James and my room back home, but it has one queen sized bed and a dresser to one corner, along with a night stand and closet. I smile at the idea of getting to stay here. I turn around to thank my aunt, but she has already gone. I go into the room and touch the soft comforter. It's so pretty and smells like forest oak in here. 

   I hear a creak behind me and turn quickly, to see my grandmother smiling at me in the door way. She looks a little young to be a grandmother, but it suits her nice persona. "Hi," I saw quietly. 

   "I didn't mean to scare ya' hon, but I thought you should know there are night gowns in the closet and a bathroom right next to your room here, at the end of the hall. If you need anything, I don't really sleep, so just come get me," she smiles a little bigger. I smile back. 

   "Thank you," I say a little louder. 

   "Um," she clears her throat. "You should probably know, this was your mother's room. I had it and another room ready all the time in hopes that James and you might come to see me. I was always here, but she never really brought you kids around much. I think the last time I saw you guys, you were still in diapers, and your parents where still in love. So sad to see that type of thing so so sour so fast," she said in a quiet, sad voice. I was shocked. My parents actually used to love one another? 

   "Anyways," she says straightening herself out, "I hope you enjoy staying here, you're always welcomed here and can stay forever, if you wish. I know I would love it to have someone here all the time and not just for an occasional visit," she smiles sweetly and leaves. 

I take a shower and keep thinking over her offer. Could I stay here from now on? Would that be okay? I am still in high school, but the little community college does have amazing courses. I could see myself staying here and going to college. Keeping grandmother company. Maybe. I sigh in defeat. Even if my father was arrested, there is no way they would keep him in there and him not come after me when he gets out. He is only expecting me to stay for tonight and wants me back home tomorrow before 'dinner', as if we actually eat meals together. 

   I throw on the night gown and put my hair up in the towel before going into the room and laying down on the bed. I felt exhausted, but all I could do was stare at the ceiling and think about James.