Confidential Lover

Chapter 35

TW: This chapter may contain themes that are upsetting to some readers. Please read at your own discretion and if you ever feel the need to stop reading please do! Your mental health is more important than this story :)

Two months later.

Harry woke up with a pounding headache and sharp pain in his chest. He looked over at the other boys in his dorm and made sure they were all still asleep before getting out of bed and making his way to the astronomy tower.

He slowly walked up the steps, keeping the patting of his footsteps to a low volume, and he walked over to the far edge where he spent so much time with his two best friends and where he spent secret hours late at night hanging out with Draco.

It was early in the morning; the sun hadn't even come up yet and it was very cold outside. The wind came in strong gusts, travelling through Harry's body, sweeping his hair aside, filling up his lungs, just like Draco used to.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small golden coin that he spent so much time thinking about, trying to figure out how exactly it worked. He knew for a while though, he just felt odd to admit it. Now especially, though, his thoughts were confirmed. 

The coin has been cold for a while now.

Everyone told him that things would get better, and eventually he would be able to come to terms with what had happened. But the days kept getting longer and longer, and Harry felt more miserable as time went on. 

It was a waste of time for him to be living the way he was anymore, and he knew this. He desperately wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened and he just wanted to go back to being happy the way he was at the beginning of the year. 

He felt around in his pants pocket for a piece of parchment. It was crumpled up and the writing was starting to fade. He read it over and over again, debating on whether or not he should throw it out. He read it everyday and he knew that it was a main source of his unhappiness. 

Every time he read it he was just reminded of all the pain he's been carrying around and how badly he wants to get rid of it. He wrote it a while ago, and he wasn't serious about it, it was just a way for him to get his feelings out.

At least that's how it started.

But then he couldn't stop thinking about it and every time he read it he was tempted ten times more to just follow through with it. Last night he left dinner early and went to bed before everyone else for this very moment.

He promised his friends everyday that he was doing okay and he was feeling better, and they all believed him. All except Hermione; she knew him too well and she was too clever to be fooled. Harry felt as if with her around, he had no freedom.

So his plan was to fall asleep early so that when he woke up this morning, it would be early enough for everyone else to still be asleep. That way, nobody could stop him.

He looked down to the ground and thought back to his sixth year where he watched Professor Dumbledore fall to his death right before his eyes and he couldn't do anything about it. Perhaps Dumbledore's death was the same as Draco's.

Harry wondered if it hurt when he fell, but then again he was dead before he even hit the ground. Part of him was extremely scared of the fall; it was so high up and he would be falling for a long time before hitting the ground, and then what? Would the impact instantly kill him or would he have to sit there and suffer?

"Harry?"

Harry whipped around in surprise and saw Hermione standing at the doorway of the tower. She was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, arms crossed and a curious look on her face. "What're you doing up here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Harry said, a bit too quickly.

"Harry, come back to the common room with me. We can talk this out." Hermione said, taking a step closer to him.

Harry, who was only a few feet away from the railing, took slow, small steps backwards. He shook his head. "No. I can't go back now, I'm finally ready for the end."

Hermione started taking deeper breaths and carefully took more steps towards Harry. She reached her arm out to him. "Please. This isn't worth it, Harry, you're stronger than this."

Harry kept walking until his back was pressed against the thin railing of the astronomy tower. He watched as Hermione kept walking over to him, but he couldn't go with her. Not now, after all the time he's spent suffering.

"I want to see him again, Hermione." Harry said steadily.

She nodded. "I know you do. Just come back with me and we can talk about this. Harry...please."

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, his mouth extremely dry and heart pounding. "Hermione, I know the right thing is to go back with you."

"Good, then let's go."

"I'm sorry." Harry said, leaning back seamlessly and letting the wind carry his body away from the tower. The rush was unreal; the wind cooled his face and skin, calmed his mind, he was listening to the screaming of the wind in his ears, or maybe it was Hermione but he honestly didn't care anymore. His body hit the ground with a force stronger than he's ever endured, and his mind went blank except for one last thought.

He was finally going to see him again.